My 11k Month: Energetic Alignment, Vicarious Trauma Healing, and Lifestyle Transformation: Embracing Self-Care, EFT Tapping, and the Menstrual Cycle for a Balanced Life

Can you imagine an 11k month? In this compelling episode, I share how I turned this seemingly impossible feat into reality by aligning my unconscious energy with my business efforts. Through personal development and unwavering self-belief, I attracted ideal clients and learned to value my services appropriately. My experience working with traumatized women in the criminal justice system brings to light the heavy toll of secondary trauma on caregivers, revealing its manifestations like anxiety, sadness, and hypervigilance. Understanding and addressing vicarious trauma is crucial for maintaining mental health and continuing to serve effectively.

Embark on a journey of well-being transformation as I recount my experience with breathwork practitioner Lynda, who guided me through emotional catharsis to release deep-seated trauma. Investing in my emotional and spiritual resilience was pivotal, surpassing any sales strategy. Tune in as I share my daily routines that support well-being, such as morning sunshine and balanced nutrition, which have significantly improved my health, particularly in managing chronic fatigue and stress-related illnesses. This episode underscores the necessity of self-care for long-term health and presence for loved ones, advocating for a lifestyle that minimizes processed foods and sugar to enhance overall vitality.

Discover the profound benefits of doing less and tuning into intuition for personal growth and healing. My journey with EFT tapping helped soothe fears and boosted my creativity, making me a vibrational match for my desires, such as unconditional love. We delve into the importance of living in sync with the menstrual cycle, understanding its phases, and their impact on energy levels and creativity. By prioritizing well-being and embracing the cyclical nature of the female body, we can achieve a balanced, fulfilling life. Join me as I share insights from Louise Hay's transformative book "How to Heal Your Life" and encourage you to reach out if my story resonates with yours.

Chapters

• 0:00 The Impact of Vicarious Trauma
• 8:37 Prioritizing Well-Being for Success
• 13:43 Balancing Body, Spirit, and Vibration
• 19:37 The Power of Prioritizing Well-Being

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

So let's talk about what I've been up to lately, because I just want to really highlight the importance of this, because I see a lot of entrepreneurs.

Speaker 1: 0:09

I see a lot of people working really freaking hard hours at the laptop, working till like 11 o'clock at night, you know, working so freaking hard and then being like I don't understand why I'm not getting a return. Okay, and there is just an entire path to business or to like your job or to your life, which, like you, which is like your unconscious energy. Okay, this is not something that you can feel, you can touch. It's your energy, it's your vibration, it's what you believe vibrating out okay. So whatever you believe on the inside means you're going to vibrate on the outside. So, for example, you may work until work until 11 o'clock at night on your business, but if you don't believe that you're worthy of clients or you doubt the work that you do, guess what? People pick up on that vibration, even if it's an online business. So this is why this is really important to talk about. And I want to talk about what I've been up to recently, because recently I had my first like 11k month. So, yeah, that was 11,000 pound in a month and this was from onboarding those solar line clients, charging the money that I really wanted to charge for my services, because I've spent so much money on myself, in developing myself, in healing myself, in working with women.

Speaker 1: 1:21

I have unique experiences of working with thousands and thousands of women who are coming through the criminal justice system, who have got high levels of trauma, um, or are experiencing traumatic events in their life at the time that I meet them. Like I have so many stories of me being in a field up to my knees in mud looking for a woman who was a heroin addict, who was in a tent with a partner that was beating the shit out of her, and I found her and I brought her to a hotel. Like there's so much stuff that I did like and saw trauma firsthand. I've been in a house where a domestic violence perpetrator came in and started to smash up the house and me and I had to get the woman out and I had to get myself out. Like I've been put into some really dangerous situations which obviously like causes secondary trauma, which is obviously vicarious trauma. So this is a trauma that isn't really spoken about too much and this was not the point of the podcast. But I'm just going, I'm going with whatever is channeled at the moment.

Speaker 1: 2:17

But vicarious trauma is secondary trauma. It is speaking to a friend and then feeling like you're carrying all the emotions from their trauma. It could be reading something really distressful, like I don't know, there's been so much about the war in Gaza and all of that sort of stuff happening in the news like you may feel like you're taking on board all of that trauma when you're seeing these images of poor children, things like that. The whole line which I give with secondary trauma or vicarious trauma is that if it feels traumatic, then it is. It doesn't have to be like, oh, but it didn't happen to me, I don't give a shit if it happened to you or not. It's how it affects you and how it affects your nervous system and how it affects you as a being right.

Speaker 1: 3:05

The vicarious trauma that we are like little sponges and we soak up from other people is a real thing. So I just wanted to highlight that. So I don't know who needed to hear that, but if you could let me know, that would be great. The vicarious trauma is just basically being like a little sponge and you just soak up the emotions of everybody around you, but when it comes to trauma, you actually onboard their trauma as your own. So if you are somebody who's typically in like a caring role, or you're like a counselor, therapist, social worker, first responder, healthcare professional, or you're just in a position where you're working face-to-face with people, like if you are working with members of the public, are you in the criminal justice system, are you being constantly exposed to bad things all the time, like this can build up vicarious trauma within you. Okay, so the stuff that can show up if you have vicarious trauma is you may have anxiety, sadness, anger. You may feel really helpless. After a prolonged exposure to somebody else's trauma stories, you know, you may kind of have a shift in your worldview, feel like everything is really negative, you have no hope, your belief system changes and your personal identity. So you may become more cynical, less trusting and you may become even more fearful about safety.

Speaker 1: 4:19

And this happened to me. Right, this absolutely happened to me Because I remember. So I worked in a prison for three years and there would always be loud noises all the time. There would always be like loud noises all the time and like you kind of just get desensitized to it, like of like the women screaming, shouting, all of this type of stuff. Okay, so what happens then? Like I remember walking out of the supermarket with my, with my trolley, and everybody stopped to look and it was actually just this child throwing a complete wobbly and he was loud but I didn't actually hear it and I was like shit, like.

Speaker 1: 4:53

So I started to have like like different reactions to things because I was so desensitized from like the noise, right, and I was like, oh okay, I should probably leave my job if this is what's happening, but I should probably leave my job if this is what's happening. But I didn't leave my job. The contract ended and I was really sad. But actually, when I got to the end of the contract, I like I love my experience, but part of me was glad that it had because I was experienced all this vicarious trauma. I was like sad, but I didn't know why. I was more cynical, but I didn't know why I had difficulty sleeping. I was hypervigilant, I felt emotionally exhausted and, you know, sometimes I was having like flashbacks to to stuff, because unfortunately I did see a woman, um, cut her throat in front of me and attempted suicide.

Speaker 1: 5:35

I had PTSD for that, um, you know well, or like I wouldn't say PTSD for that, I would say symptoms resembling PTSD I was kind of having like difficulty sleeping, flashbacks and everything, and obviously like like I I was the person who saw it and I was screaming in the wing and I had the keys and I opened it and I was just like pushing through, um the door like the cell, and she was right behind it and like it was just a really stressful situation, right. So then over time, as we go through like these stressful experiences and don't forget I had a very unique career these could just be like, um, simple things in your job which are consistent over time that cause stress, anxiety, and then they become a trauma. It could be that constant boss that bullies you, it could be the the co-worker who is really snipey towards you, or the person who, like you go to you never know if they're gonna be hot or cold like all of these can compound and create trauma. I obviously will talk about the other end of the trauma spectrum, because that's what I've lived and that's what I've experienced. Um, but yeah, these more micro experiences or situations can form a big trauma and then, all the time, vicarious trauma can contribute to burnout, like a state of physical, emotional and mental exhaustion and no, we're talking about burnout as in, like burnout as in your body can't fucking function, not what you see on social media. Okay, so that is what vicarious trauma is.

Speaker 1: 6:55

I had tons of it and obviously, like I still work with clients now and like I have developed the way to like be very boundary, to understand and obviously, of course, I feel empathy and I feel compassion for the people that I work with, but I no longer take on their problems as mine. I don't like spend hours at night worrying about them or thinking about them. I trust that they will reach out for support if they need it, because I can't fix everyone. It's not my job to fix everyone. My job is to hold a very safe space in which people can come and they can have their experience with me and hopefully find it deeply healing and beautiful, and that's what all I can never hope for when I'm working with my clients is that they find it deeply healing, even if it is talking about painful things.

Speaker 1: 7:37

But I just kind of wanted to bring up about vicarious trauma because it's really, really important and the whole point of this podcast was more to talk about how, like, I have changed the last couple of months because of the things that I'm doing, but vicarious trauma doesn't get a look in often, so I just thought, fuck it. I'll talk about vicarious trauma here because it's a big part of my journey, obviously because I've experienced quite a lot of it. I experienced first-hand trauma and secondary trauma or vicarious trauma. So what I'm going to talk about is that, obviously, I had my first £11,000 a month in terms of sales, like I, my Instagram blew up to like 35,000 people viewing my Instagram reels. I had, um, a trip booked to Bali, which, by the way, all of this completely dysregulated me. I was like I'm dysregulated, I need to lay down in a dark room what's going on. But I want to talk to you about how I got to that point. Like not so it didn't happen overnight.

Speaker 1: 8:37

I probably started this work in June or July. Was it June, june, july, august, september? Okay, so it must have been July, august, september. I start no must mean June, sorry, working out timeline so I must have started this work back in June. I actually started doing breath work with a woman called Linda who is an absolute sensational breath work practitioner and she's just all about health and biz and all of that type of stuff. So I started doing this breath work and, like I really found this as a method of letting go of trauma and I mean I have cried a thousand times. I was actually on an event where I met Linda and, um, she did this breathwork journey and I sobbed. I literally sobbed for, like, the entire experience, to the point that she came up and gave me a hug and then I decided to go into like a few of her containers and this was me investing in myself.

Speaker 1: 9:25

Okay, this is me going. Okay, I am at my business now and I know I'm stuck. I know I'm at a level. I know I'm stuck. I need to move forward. But am I going to buy another sales strategy? No, I like, don't get me wrong, I'm not slagging off sales coaches. They are really valuable. And having your understanding of sales, the psychology of sales, being able to put your stuff out there, being able to be confident in what you do, like all of that is absolutely vital in what you do. Okay, you need to have the knowledge right, but you also need the emotional, spiritual bandwidth in order to be able to open that window of tolerance and to be able to implement it in a way that is going to give you the return that you want. Okay, so, whether that is your business, whether that is your romantic relationships, whether that's your friendships, whatever it is, you need to be able to do that.

Speaker 1: 10:15

So what I started to do was, obviously, I went through this experience, this breathwork experience, and I was like shit, I was crying a lot, like a lot. I'm surprised I didn't drown myself. I cried a lot. I worked really hard on creating a routine where I was putting myself first and the key of anything of my success that I can tell you it wasn't working harder, it wasn't working longer, it wasn't taking on more trauma, it wasn't taking on more clients, it was absolutely putting my wellbeing first above everything else, above everything. It's not selfish, it's actually selfless, and I just think that we have this narrative like oh, it's selfish to put ourselves first. When we're on a plane, the first thing that we're told is to put the oxygen mask on first before we help other people. So why are we not doing that in our lives? Ok, this is what I started to do. So I started to get my morning sunshine, have a glass of warm water and lemon when I woke up, have breakfast within 60 minutes of waking, I would get up and I would do what I needed to do. I would, you know, go around, but I would also be monitoring my stress levels. Like would you know, go around, but I would also be monitoring my stress levels. Like is this making me stressed? Is this making me anxious? If it is, I'm slowing down. I'm slowing down. I'm saying no. Does my body need to sleep? Yes, it does.

Speaker 1: 11:25

My health issues actually really spiraled during this time as well, where I was having chronic fatigue. I was back in front of the doctors all the time. I actually got sick multiple times, like in terms of like colds and things that just took a really long time to get over, and I was in bed. You know, this could be ascension sickness. So, as I'm expanding and going to a different level in my energy, this is, yeah, this is it like.

Speaker 1: 11:50

This is where you get sick, because your body is purging all of the stuff that's been stuck there and I just think, like, with your well-being, you can, you can. You know, like Stephen Bartlett says on his podcast, you can take my girlfriend, but I still have me. You can take my dog, but I still have me. So at the end of the day, you could lose everything in your life tomorrow. But if you do not have your health, how are you going to be able to navigate it? How are you going to be able to take care of yourself? Okay, and you know, if you have children, if you're not taking care of yourself, then how are you ever going to be around for the long term for your children? For in the short term, we think, oh, okay, I need to do this because this is what makes me a good parent. But is it really? It's so.

Speaker 1: 12:27

I really really do like advise you to look after your well-being in the most audacious way get your sleep, get your breakfast, get your nutrition down, stop eating the processed food. Stop eating the processed crap that is constantly there, or at least cut back. I have noticed such a good feeling since I cut back, like I'm not bloated all the time, I don't feel so sluggish, I'm not riding that insulin crash, because as soon as we have sugar in the morning, our body just ends up like ping-ponging. You know all over the place where we're crashing and we need more sugar to lift us up. Sugar is really, oh god, I can't even believe. I'm saying this because I always used to be like all these people who are like obsessed with sugar. Like what are they doing? Like they talk about how we shouldn't have it, but it's in everything and but yeah, like you know, the more sugar that you have, like, the worse it is for your body. Every time you have a glucose spike where you intake a load of fucking sugar, you actually age your body. So it's really important to remember that that when we're working on our well-being, we're working on our nutrition, we're working on moving our body and stuff, and these should be fundamental things that we are taught in school. We should be taught this in school, because my business success didn't come from the, from speeding up or doing more.

Speaker 1: 13:43

It actually came from doing less. Why? Because I had space to listen to my intuition. I'm taking care of my body. My body is my vessel for my soul, so my soul is feeling more nourished and together and, yeah, I'm having healing. I'm doing the healing experience.

Speaker 1: 13:58

I started EFT, tapping to the point. I got certified so I could give this to my clients, because it's an amazing thing of soothing your amygdala, which is the danger center in your brain around thoughts that make you fearful. This absolutely helped me to expand more than anything, because I was being able to think about really scary things and then, by doing the tapping, I was making my body realize that this was actually safe for me. Then clients are like, hey, she's showing up with different energy. Like I had so much more momentum behind my social media. Why? Because I was able to show up, because I wanted to, or because I knew how to, or because I had such a creative burst the week before I had all of this content made. I didn't need to force anything like there were so many benefits to me living in in touch, my intuition and you know, it was really just a beautiful experience in terms of like being able to to just connect to myself and get the answers I needed for myself.

Speaker 1: 14:55

I actually stopped doing tarot for myself altogether because I already know what I need to know. I already know what I need to do. So it's just this type of stuff which you cannot make up and you cannot buy. This is what you do for yourself, okay, and if you want to buy that next business strategy or work with our next femininity coach or work with our next confidence coach or whatever you can. But if you do not have the window of tolerance, if you do not have the space within your body to do that, it's not going to work.

Speaker 1: 15:24

So everybody talks about doing the work, which is obviously the mental stuff, but you have to do the body and you have to do the spiritual aspect to truly elevate your, your vibration. Because when you start to elevate your vibration, you start to become a vibrational match for the thing that you want. Okay, say, for example, you want unconditional love from a partner, but you don't unconditionally love yourself, you're not going to get the unconditional love, that's it. So what do you do? You need to work on clearing the trauma that told you that you are not worth unconditional love. Why? Because when you let go like, imagine, like being, um, a helium balloon, fucking, here we go with my stupid fucking visualization. Imagine you're a helium balloon and at the bottom there are rocks holding you down. Guess what these rocks are? Your emotional trauma. The minute that you can take off a rock, the balloon has the ability to go higher and higher. So every time you take a rock off, the balloon can go higher, and it's the same you take a rock off, the balloon can go higher and it's the same.

Speaker 1: 16:20

With your vibration you can live in a happy and abundant state and be really fucking positive every single day. Be grateful for everything you know, bring in free things. Be like the universe loves to give me free things. Money comes to you like no problem, even if you have a salary job. Okay, you may be in your business thinking, fuck, it's so cool, I have 10k months or 20k months or whatever you want.

Speaker 1: 16:43

Like it's all about elevating your vibration and understanding that, like you're not supposed to constantly be on, especially if you're a woman. You're not supposed to be on 24 7. You are a woman, you are. You know your nervous system is not built like that. You have a menstrual cycle. Men have a 24 hour hormone cycle. Women have a 28 day, all right.

Speaker 1: 17:03

So when the guy is kind of feeling a bit sleepy at like 3 pm or 4 pm, guess what? That's an entire fucking week for you. That's an entire fucking week. So you know that's your luteal phase, that's just before your period. Like that's an entire fucking week. Can we just? Can we just acknowledge that? Okay, so what one guy feels for an hour in a day you feel for an entire fucking week.

Speaker 1: 17:24

Okay, you know obviously I'm over exaggerating, but it's just to put into context that you know we have a mental cycle. We should be living in tune with our cycle. Yeah, on the, you know, on the days where we are having our period, that should be be rest. We should be resting okay, as much as possible when we are in our follicular phase, just after our period. This is where we're going to be our fun and playful self. This is where we want to be getting out there. You know we want to. We're going to be feeling really good about ourselves. This is a hub for creativity. So, in your follicular phase, get your creative vibe on, because it will fill your cup up no end.

Speaker 1: 17:59

Then we head into ovulation, where you know we're like we're little. You know, you know we. We might be feeling like really kind of um high with our libido. We might be feeling like just really flirty. We may be wanting to be more playful and be more out there in the world and be like hi, I'm here. We may feel super, super, freaking confident and then we hit the luteal phase, which is literally about like seven to ten days of just feeling sad, getting more bloated, getting more PMS symptoms, all of this type of stuff, and then this is where we need to be slowing down and resting, okay, and there are so many things.

Speaker 1: 18:36

I've actually got a podcast somewhere way back about cycled living and about how to live within your cycle, because this is really important, like I feel like women just don't get told this stuff. So I don't feel like we talk about vicarious trauma. I don't think we get told it's okay to prioritize your well-being, put the oxygen mask on first, and that we should be living in line with our cycle if we want to be able to live a life that is peaceful and we are not putting like immense stress on our body. Because when we are pushing against what our body wants, like and I've been there, I've been there pushing through, pushing through, pushing through it just leads to burnout, it leads to emotional fatigue, it leads to tiredness, chronic fatigue, and I'm going to tell you right now that my health conditions of an underactive thyroid, my PMDD, I'm also pre-diabetic, right, because my hormones are fucked from being exposed to so much trauma and then compounded by vicarious trauma, okay, and I trapped all of that within my body and my body had no option but to store my emotions and to come out in a physical illness.

Speaker 1: 19:37

If you're like Kirstie, that sounds like bullshit, go read louise hay how to heal your life. It's a book that will change your fucking life. It changed mine. I remember I was having a nervous breakdown and I went to portugal and I listened to that book in a day and it completely changed my perspective on looking after my health and releasing my emotions. Okay, so I feel like today this has been a bit of a higgledy-piggledy podcast, but I just felt like I really needed to say a bunch of things all together, all at once. So this is how I made my 11k month by putting my well-being first. I acknowledge about my vicarious trauma and how it compounded on my normal trauma, on the trauma I had already and yeah, I just wanted to highlight this stuff because I didn't get to where I am now by doing more. I did less and I think that's just the key message and I'm gonna stop talking now.

Speaker 1: 20:26

I hope that was interesting. I hope that was useful for somebody. If it was useful for you, please let me know. You know I love to hear from you and if you need anything, if you want to talk about this. If I've, you know, struck a chord with you, and then please reach out through Instagram is my preferred or email or whatever you like. And, yeah, don't forget to leave a review. It always helps me understand the podcast and if it's actually serving anybody or doing any good. So, yeah, validate me. Because I'm a projector, I need recognition. Okay, thank you, love you, bye.