Reclaiming Autonomy with Swarna: Overcoming Burnout, Healing Family Trauma, and Breaking Free from Societal Expectations with Swarna

Imagine transforming your life by understanding the deep connections between your mind, body, and past experiences. We're thrilled to welcome Swarna, a confidence and authenticity coach, who shares her incredible journey from a pharmacist and professional dancer to focusing on nervous system regulation after experiencing burnout. Discover how she helps women break free from 'good girl syndrome,' challenge societal expectations, and reconnect with their bodies to unlock their true potential. Swarna offers profound insights into how trauma manifests physically and why acknowledging bodily signals is crucial for authentic personal growth.

Navigating the often-challenging terrain of Western medicine, particularly concerning women's health issues like thyroid problems and PMDD, can be frustrating. Together with Swarna, we discuss the importance of addressing trauma as a potential underlying cause rather than settling for quick fixes. By highlighting the universal experience of trauma and the pivotal role mindset work plays in overcoming victim mentality, we explore the integration of mental and physical health to overcome the feeling of being stuck. This powerful conversation sheds light on the fight or flight response, urging us to reclaim autonomy over our health and well-being.

We also explore the complexities of healing family trauma and breaking generational patterns. Discussing the challenges of navigating unsupportive family dynamics, Swarna offers strategies for cultivating a nurturing support network and embracing self-awareness in the face of societal pressures. This heartfelt discussion emphasizes the empowerment that comes from authenticity, self-healing, and being unapologetically yourself. With gratitude and excitement, we wrap up by expressing our anticipation for upcoming events and the invaluable insights shared throughout this enriching episode. Join us for a transformative conversation that promises to inspire personal growth and self-discovery.

Chapters

• 0:00 Blocks to Stepping Into Power
• 10:41 Understanding Trauma and Stepping Into Power
• 23:27 Healing Family Trauma and Ancestral Patterns
• 33:40 Navigating Family Trauma and Empowerment
• 41:01 Expressing Excitement and Gratitude

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

what is the biggest block size getting in between you and stepping into your full power? What are the things that people are not talking about, because we see a lot of this content online a lot of the time. Okay, hey, sauna, she's here. So, yeah, me and sauna are going to be talking today about those big blocks, about the stuff that is getting in the way that nobody talks about.

Speaker 1: 0:22

What I absolutely love about sauna, I think it Swarna is an incredible woman, and, hey, shauna, um, well, I'm getting all excited because amazing people are joining um. But one of the things I absolutely love about Swarna is that she is all about confidence and authenticity, and that really resonates with me. But she looks on the nervous system, which I think like is something so underrated, and what I see on social media is a lot of the surface level. This is how you regulate your nervous system. This is how you regulate your nervous system, but I'm not going to like go too much into it because I'm going to butcher Shauna's magic, so I'm going to just let her in now. So, yeah, we're just waiting for Swarna to be accepted into the live. Technology has not been my friend this morning, though I'm not going to lie, so hopefully she comes. Hi, hello, hello, are you okay? I'm good. How are you? I'm good. You look so beautiful. Oh, you too, I'm so excited to be here are you.

Speaker 2: 1:24

I'm good. You look so beautiful. Oh, you too. I'm so excited to be here with you.

Speaker 1: 1:28

I know it's so good for us to get live and talk about this and actually people hear our conversations from behind the screen, yeah right. So, swarna, let's talk about you first. Let's talk about your magic, like what do you do? Just tell the people what you do.

Speaker 2: 1:46

Hey, danielle, so my name is Swarna. I am a confidence and authenticity coach and I am absolutely passionate about helping women to release their good girl syndrome, really return to their own truth and stop living in this reality that is dictated by someone or something else, and I really want to see women return to their bodies, return to just to themselves, so that they can become the main character of their own story, and I I'm so happy to be here with you because I know you're passionate about this same theme as well.

Speaker 1: 2:27

Yeah, um, that, I'm so excited, so thank you for having me absolutely, and I was like that there were so many things that you said then which I was like I want to pick up on this, but I really want to talk about being in your body, because I think, like when we're working on our healing journey and stuff, I do think like the body is overlooked and how trauma gets stuck in the body. So I guess, for me, I want to know your why, like why did you decide to turn turn this into a business?

Speaker 2: 2:55

oh, I love that question. First of all, my own journey was so long and I was not aware how disconnected I was from my body, because this is something that we're not really taught. We're taught that the mind is separate from the body and these two don't really communicate in any other way than just okay, I'm hungry, I have to go to the bathroom. Um, maybe I feel a bit nervous. Maybe I feel a bit nervous, maybe I feel a bit stressed, but that all of those symptoms can actually be speaking to you about something bigger. This is something that we're not taught, and my background is in I'm a pharmacist and I'm also a professional dancer.

Speaker 2: 3:42

So in my pharmacy education especially, it was only that the body is kind of separate from, like, what is happening up here, and I was so up here when I was studying that I felt like this floating head wherever I went, and like everything from down here was feeling anxious. I don't even know, like, what was going on below my neck, except that I was just feeling super anxious. And my five years of education did not help me to figure this out until I really started looking into the body, figure this out, until I really started looking into the body and even as a professional dancer, I was disconnected and this was shocking to me because I was supposed to be the professional in movement and being and working with the body. So that's what got me into this work and I find it so important and so empowering every time with my clients when they connect to their bodies and just how much opens up like, just like this um, yeah, I hope that answer.

Speaker 1: 4:56

I love that like a contrast of having like this western medicine and like this pharmaceutical knowledge and then like this like professional dancer is literally like two sides of the coin. Right, and you managed to bring all that experience into working with your clients now, and you know, what was it about the nervous system that was so important for you to work with? Because you said about being connected to your body. But what was it about the nervous system? Because I think online we see a lot of this like bullshit. Oh, this is how you regulate your nervous system, this is how you do this, but it's actually not true. So, yeah, that's my, that's my opinion. You might feel totally different um, yeah.

Speaker 2: 5:33

So this again. I kind of stumble across this work.

Speaker 2: 5:38

Um, it kind of fell onto my lap when I was going through my own burnout because, Because, again, like I feel like life has been teaching me so heavily with all of these topics and I'm so grateful that every time I found the right resources to help me in those situations. And this time it was that I started learning about the nervous system. When my body completely dysregulated two years ago and I went into this burnout reaction, I had a lot of somatic symptoms in my body, so my nervous system wasn't really able to regulate my heart rate anymore. So whenever I would stand up, my heart started beating like this and I had to immediately go back lying down and I was standing up from the chair like an old lady. It took me like several minutes to actually stand up and be standing up without my heart doing this, and there were a lot of other different symptoms, but that really scared me because again I was like, okay, what is going on here? This is not normal. Like my body has previously known how to regulate, but now it doesn't.

Speaker 1: 6:57

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 6:57

And there has to be a reason. So that's how I got into the nervous system and how much like how that is literally the system that controls every, all of our bodily functions and how connected it is with the mind, and how much unaware we are actually of, first of all, how much we, how much control we do have over it. Once we learn the um, how it operates specifically in in our own bodies, um, and yeah, there's just so much that we are unaware of that. I felt that it's so important to start bringing this knowledge. There's many other amazing mentors as well, but it's just something that I feel that is still not super much talked about.

Speaker 2: 7:52

And we go into this. Oh, I'm feeling a bit nervous. Let me regulate out of it so that I can feel a little bit better. That's only one part of it, but one part of it. But the most important part of it is actually digging into what has caused my nervous system to behave this way and what had, what in my past, has kind of molded my nervous system so that it reacts this way and that there is nothing wrong, because it was always trying to just to protect me. Yeah, yeah, sorry, that was a long speech.

Speaker 1: 8:36

I would love to hear what you think and thank you for being like vulnerable and sharing your burnout experience, because we hear that word again online, which really irritates me. Oh, I'm burnt out, but you just explained what burnout actually is. It's your body completely unable to regulate itself. So, yeah, I think, um, you know it's amazing that you looked into the nervous system you're able to to fix yourself from burnout and like, listen to your body, drop into your body, and now you operate from this place of like really understanding and connecting to your body and I guess, for me, I want, I, I want to know more around like, what do you think is the biggest blocks for people stepping into their power? Obviously, we talked about past experiences showing up in your nervous system, how that affects that. So, yeah, I'm just, I just want to ask you all the questions.

Speaker 2: 9:28

I want to.

Speaker 2: 9:29

I want to comment on something you just said, first though, because you said that I fixed my burnout, which is exactly what happened, and doctors were not able to help me with this. I did not receive. I did go to the doctor, obviously. I went to my house doctor, I went to a cardiologist and all the work that I did to re-regulate I did myself. So this is one important point is that we have so much more agency over our health than we think, and this, this is so important to realize that we don't always. Of course, it's important to get yourself checked out of course, 100, but it's not only that. We go to the doctor, the doctor tells us what to do and then we do it. We have so much more that we can learn how to regulate and how to help our bodies to regulate themselves. So there is like um, yeah, so much to um, so much that we can do, and I already forgot what your question was that's okay, because I really want to come in and just be like.

Speaker 1: 10:41

My experience with western medicine has not been great at all, like in terms of like having a thyroid problem at 23, I was told you're going to be on medication for the rest of your life. I was never told this is probably because of significant trauma you experienced as a child. This is why your body is now fighting itself. Then, when I was literally this year, I was diagnosed with PMDD, which is premenstrual dysphoric disorder, which means you have extreme PMS symptoms before your period, and I was told, well, when you're done and you're not, and you decide for it children or not you can have a hysterectomy. I was never told like, oh, actually, maybe these two hormonal issues fit together, maybe there's like more to this than just the you know what, what the outdated western medicine tells us. So, yeah, it's always important to um seek out the help from your gp, absolutely.

Speaker 1: 11:30

But I think, yeah, being able to be in control of our health and I think, like you know, obviously we're over in europe, but, like in america I do see, like, where people pay for their health care, they have just so much more like autonomy over their bodies, where, like sometimes I feel like our system here particularly does things to you, not for you, and again that comes back to that trauma response.

Speaker 1: 11:51

Right, we don't want things that are going to be done to us. So, yeah, that's my rant about that. That is my rant about it, um, because it's something I'm really passionate about, and I have friends at the moment who are having their own difficulties where they're just not being taken seriously about their trauma, about their menstrual cycle, about how they feel in their bodies. All of this stuff is just not taken seriously, because a lot of the research is done on men and, like menopause affects every single woman, but yeah, there's a under-researched area. So I just kind of feel like, yeah, it's really just important to acknowledge just what you said, in that you have so much more autonomy over your body. And the original question I asked was when you're working with your clients, when you're working with different people, what do you think are the biggest blocks in them stepping into that power?

Speaker 2: 12:38

that's where we got to, sorry, yes, I feel like there are A few, but I feel like generally there is this well, first of all, one big one can be the victim mentality, but that's usually before they come to work with me that it's like believing that the life just happens to you, and that is one way of thinking that will keep you stuck, because if you think that life just happens to you and you have no control over of course you don't have control over what happens in politics, what natural disasters happen, pandemics that happen, but you do have control over your own mindset, how you react, what actions do you take so and how you think about things.

Speaker 1: 13:40

So this is, this is one important thing that I see a lot, especially online is that if, if you think that life just happens to you, it also means that you are shutting off the part of your brain that is creative and it it does not, um, keep searching for creative solutions for your situations, for your situation yeah, and for me, like the rules are the rules, your mind makes up your reality right and you know, and I think, like some people do fall into a victim mentality because that's how they've needed to survive until now, and sometimes it's about calling them out and being like, hey, you don't have to live in this state anymore, you don't have to let life happen to you.

Speaker 1: 14:29

You believe whatever you want to believe is possible. Like you know, I think I have somebody in my life at the moment and like he's very structured and very rigid and what he believes is possible for him. But I'm like the rules are the rules, what you believe is what you believe right. And, like you say, you cut, you shut off those that view to opportunity and, I think, affirmations, gratitude, all of this stuff gets kind of overlooked in that, because this is how to start to train your brain to look for those positive things. But if your nervous system doesn't have the capacity for it, though, that's a whole other ballgame, right?

Speaker 2: 15:00

Exactly, exactly, yeah, absolutely, and I feel like, yeah, usually mindset work is the first one and the safest one to start with, because we don't really have to go into the body yet, you necessarily don't have to deal with your most difficult emotions yet. So it's. I would encourage that as the first step. But at some point usually what comes up is some form of stuckness that, okay, I've done years of this mindset work and I'm still stuck. So at some point usually you have to work with the trauma, you have to work with the body and to kind of really open up what's underneath all of that. That's really keeping me stuck where I am.

Speaker 1: 15:51

Yeah, amazing, and I think, like trauma, like everyone goes, I don't have that. It's this big, horrible, big T thing that, like that, only happens to other people, but like, literally, trauma happens to us all the time. Like, if you say this, and I like if we didn't have, if we weren't built to have trauma in our life, we wouldn't have the fight flight system, our nervous system wouldn't be like that because we would have evolved out of it. You know, we need the fight flight and we need sleep. That's it like. As humans, we've evolved in so many other ways, right, but I think, um, yeah, with the new teamwork, it's so, it's like it's just so important and I just don't think people think about it enough. Um, I was going to say something else and then it completely disappeared from my brain, but I'm sure it will come back. So what other blocks do you think is just kind of around that victim mentality? What else are the other blocks? What other blocks do we have?

Speaker 2: 16:44

I feel that one of them is what I said in the beginning the general unawareness of how much the body and the mind actually are intertwined in our lives and how much information there is in the body that the mind is not aware of. And, like I said also in the beginning, when I was at the university I felt like I was this floating head just going through life, going to the campus and attending my lectures. I love that.

Speaker 1: 17:24

Visualization, this floating head, it's like a stateable visualization.

Speaker 2: 17:28

Yeah, yeah, because that's like literally what it felt like and at the same time I was so no one knew actually how anxious I was and that kind of spiraled down into depression then. But I just feel like the disconnect of the mind and body and of course how the nervous system then plays into that, and the disconnect between how much we understand our natural reactions, how the nervous system is shaped to handle the pressure and stress in life. So are you a person that when you see a stressor or whatever stressful event or a challenge in your life, are you a person that goes directly to it?

Speaker 2: 18:28

Or are you a person that kind of goes into their own shell and one wants to avoid it and maybe escape from it? That's all in the nervous system and what we may not understand that we have, um, we have the power to actually work with that response so that we don't escape from everything challenging that happens.

Speaker 1: 18:58

Totally. And I think, like, going back to the point about trauma, like sometimes we think about, oh, it's that big, big scary thing. It happens to other people, but it doesn't, it happens to everybody. It happens, you know, and it can be those micro traumas of you know, like Linda always used being, like when you're in the classroom and you read out loud and everyone laughs at you because you got word wrong like that can be a trauma. Like, oh, there can be a series of small events that build up to be a trauma.

Speaker 1: 19:17

And I think when you start to realize like trauma can affect you and also like obviously I'm all around ancestral trauma, so how trauma affected your ancestors and how it comes down to you, it's not, it's not like some woo-woo made up stuff, it's in your genetic, it's in your dna, how you pass down genes, and traumas will determine what genes get activated and what don't.

Speaker 1: 19:37

And you know, something else that we kind of don't talk a lot about is like what it's like to be in the womb, and if your mum is constantly having like a really stressful time, you'll have really high levels of cortisol. So when you're born it's not going to take a lot of cortisol to get you into that fight flight thing, and then that's where your body is learning, that's where your subconscious is learning how to protect itself, because the subconscious will always seek out the familiar, because it wants you to be safe. And I think I read a quote the other day and it was like your brain will always seek out the subconscious. Hell over the unknown heaven, and I was like that's so true exactly I.

Speaker 2: 20:13

Oh, wow, I love that quote. I love that quote.

Speaker 1: 20:17

Yeah, I don't know who said it so I can't claim it as mine.

Speaker 1: 20:22

But yeah, and I, like you know, obviously I'm gonna say that a lot of people's blocks in their nervous system and how they show up in their full powers from their inner child, I think you know it's kind of comes all the way through from your ancestors to when you were in the womb, to when you're born, to when you're like growing up, you know understanding yourself, hey beth, when you're understanding yourself, where you're like discovering the world, how parents treat you, and I think, like when we look at years ago, we would live in tribes and when we think about living in tribes, we would co-regulate our nervous system with so many people. Do you know what I mean? When the men are going out and they're doing their fight flight, they're coming back in there co-regulating with women, children in that, in their tribe. We don't really have that anymore in our normal today's society where, like, we're going to work and that tiger that used to be like chasing us down is actually the boss at work we, and then we might come home and then we're emotionally from our partner. So we're not able to co-regulate with them.

Speaker 1: 21:16

It's why, like I think, so many people have pets and stuff now, because you can co-regulate with your cat or with your dog or whatever. But I just kind of think, like this nervous system, regulation stuff is is huge and it's been part of us for so so long. I don't know where I'm going with this. I've just kind of just spouted my opinion or that anything.

Speaker 2: 21:35

I think it's important to recognize the ancestral impact on that, on us yes, 100 and the, the power of co-regulation, and actually seeking out those relationships that help us re-regulate our nervous system. That's one especially important part of our lives. To kind of look at our circle of people that we spend our times with is are there people that actually support us? Are they people who make us feel like we're empowered or and supported in our endeavors or whatever we're trying to achieve? Of course, not everyone in our family is going to always support us and they're going to disagree and they're going to really push us down sometimes. But do we have people that do support us? And it is such a beautiful and important thing to kind of kind of just evaluate in your own life and see that how could I build more of those relationships that support us? And are there relationships in my life that I kind of maybe need to let go because they make me feel like crap?

Speaker 1: 22:58

yes, yes, like if you're people who do not make you feel safe, they are not your people. You need to be around people who are making you feel safe, protecting that and allow you to be you, your authentic self right, and I love that. Beth just said that my dogs are great for cuddles and co-regulation. I love that.

Speaker 2: 23:15

I love that too. Dogs are like. Dogs are the best in this.

Speaker 1: 23:19

Honestly, they're your best friend yeah, totally so, say now I have like this new. I've done a bit of the mindset work and like I'm like, okay, I want to do something a bit different. I'm feeling really stuck. I've done years of mindset work, I want to try something different. What does working with you look like?

Speaker 2: 23:39

Working with me looks like that, we will, of course, we will first just, you know, make you comfortable and kind of just have a chat about what's going on, because it's also so important that you work with someone that you feel comfortable with, because that's the co-regulation right you need to feel safe with the person that you're working with.

Speaker 2: 24:00

So it's a very, uh, supportive, safe space, uh, when you work with me, and then we just kind of start looking at, okay, what are the areas of your life that are the stuck places and where could that possibly? Uh, come from a little bit. And then how can we get you to drop into your body so that you have access to that wisdom? And how, how can you make, how can we make you comfortable being in your body and kind of expanding your whole life experience and how you feel on this earth, so that you're not just that, you know, a floating head or someone who goes from one place to another, but you actually I like to demonstrate it in my body that your nervous system actually has possibility to do like ugh, like like this relaxation, yeah, and how can I connect to the authentic me, like, what are the desires and the dreams and the wishes of the authentic me who has a beautiful purpose on this earth. And how can I be so connected to that authentic me that I can confidently show up as her in this world?

Speaker 1: 25:29

That's so beautiful Sorna. That's so beautiful, like everyone knows, sorna. That's my conclusion of this conversation. We do have a comment that says it's particularly hard when it's your family. Have a comment which says it's particularly hard when it's your family. So, relating back to um, you know your family and how maybe you may feel like you're not the right person in the. Not the right person you're like the ordinary family right.

Speaker 1: 25:50

You might see all of this trauma happening around you. They may repeat patterns that you are like I wouldn't. It's like, why are you doing this? It may be really hard. I often see there's a lot of time where people who come and they work with me around their mother and you know mother and father wounds for sure, like that's without your ancestors or without your wider family. But when we're talking about mum and dad, it can be particularly hard to like regulate your nervous system. If you've had parents that have been in the system, they've not always made you feel safe, not because that they were ever like bad people. It's more about they just didn't have their own emotional regulation to be able to regulate their child right. So I do think, yeah, it's totally hard when it comes to family. But I often think like a toxic relationship is a toxic relationship and you do not get a jail free card because it's your mother or your father.

Speaker 1: 26:39

You know, often we, we often get blamed as children when we walk away from our family members because you know they'll be like oh, you're damaging your mother's health or your father's health because you're behaving in this particular way, or you know, oh, but it is your mum or it is your dad, but actually, like, there's never any responsibility held on them, on like, why are you acting this way? Why do you have to feel like you have to restrain yourself or distance yourself from them? So I'm going to address that comment in um in the chat, which I think is a great comment. And yeah, again, it comes back to that co-regulation. Right, if your parents can't co-regulate with you, if you know you're in a space where, like your parents haven't always been safe, your nervous system learns that things are unsafe.

Speaker 1: 27:20

You know, as we grow up and we progress through life, traumas do happen. It do happen and, like you know, I am going to mention something around like sexual assault. Can't say that too much on on social media, but you know, one in three women suffer SA and it's just, like you know, that's going to massively impact how you feel safe in your body, how you regulate your nervous system, like it's just multi-layered. As a woman, I think I think working with men and women might be different.

Speaker 1: 27:46

I don't know if you work with, I work.

Speaker 2: 27:48

I work with both, mostly with women, but I've had, uh, male clients as well and like both, both, like the work with both is equally beautiful, absolutely yeah, I wondering do you find that you have different issues come up or do you find like it's, you know it's more complicated with women?

Speaker 1: 28:07

Like, how do you experience like men and women?

Speaker 2: 28:11

I found it actually pretty equal, which is interesting, but I have to say that I've worked mostly with artists, and there is a certain level of sensitivity there that already like comfort with your own emotions, I would say. So that's probably why it's been pretty equal to work with both. I was actually wondering. Would you like to say a few words regarding this comment about how hard it might be, if you're the first person in your family line who is given this awareness, to break the curse, because I think you, you have something to say about that oh so I know you've got loads to say about this.

Speaker 1: 28:57

We're gonna be here all day. But yeah, absolutely. It is so hard because not only are you coming to terms with the fact that they not fit in with your family your family act in a way that that doesn't make you feel good, but you're gonna feel like the odd one out. You're gonna be like why is there something wrong with me? Why was I never accepted into my family? Like, why can I just be like them? Because in life, all we want is a sense of belonging. Right back to the tribes.

Speaker 1: 29:21

We all used to live in a community and we all want this sense of belonging. It's why, like we join groups, we like come together in exercise classes. It's why we you know, we try to come together as much as possible and more than ever, we are feeling more and more alone as a nation, especially like here in the UK, and I think it's because missing out on that community right, I want to foster a community where women can come here and be like. I feel like I'm the only one out in my family and I want to find my soul tribe. I want to find other people who feel like this because it's hard and it triggers feelings of sadness and also grief and shame is a huge thing as well like grief of like I didn't have the mother I wanted, I didn't have the father I wanted, I didn't have the person who was there to guide me. You know why didn't they protect me? There's all of this stuff that really comes up when we start to work with this.

Speaker 1: 30:10

So, yeah, it is incredibly difficult, um, but you are the first person changing generational lines, you're changing trajectory outwards and, whether you have children or not, by undertaking this work, by doing work, you, you are the ripple in a moment, you are the person who's going to start healing and then you're going to heal you're going to say something to your friend or to a family member and they're going to go hmm, I wonder about this too, and then they're going to start doing their own bit and as we do that, we ripple out into our communities and in their communities and beyond, and then we start to like, really heal the collective, because I, as women, we hold so much trauma around oppression, around world events that have happened around you know marital status, good wife and all of this stuff. So I feel like we have been impacted for years and that is just reinforced by social media as well. Right, where you know, this is what a good mum is, this is what a good dad is, this is, you know, which are unrealistic expectations and completely different. The mother in your life is meant to be 100% of your needs. Now, where that was never the case before, when we lived in tribes and lived in communities. So, yeah, if you didn't have that connection with your mum before, you would be able to um you, you would be able to go to other people and have that maternal support or paternal support. Right?

Speaker 1: 31:27

We've just got a question as well what do you recommend to the younger people that has to live at home with their parents and they depend financially on but can't move out, but feel so triggered and affected by them. Okay, like this is a really good question because, like you know, at different points of our life we'll always find ourselves coming back to live with parents for whatever reason. Right, as much as you know, I'm slagging them off. We do come back and we do live with them and we do depend on them. And I think it's like coming to a safe like how do you protect your feelings? What are those triggers that are coming up for you and why are they triggering you?

Speaker 1: 32:07

And it's about accepting the fact that you know it comes down to forgiveness and I always say this, like with my clients I'm like forgiveness is the big f and I don't mean like word f-u-c-k, I mean like forgiveness is a big word. So I feel like it's hard when you're at home and you're living in that active environment, but part of forgiveness is the acceptance. It's the acceptance they are who they are. They do not have the capacity to heal or to change, because when I locked out like relationships with my mum, for example, she just didn't have the capacity to change. She'd been through so much trauma in her life that she wasn't able to then face it, raise a child, continue in her life and be functional. Not everybody has capacity to do that. So what I would say is to that person it's really, really hard, um, especially when they're younger.

Speaker 1: 32:43

But it's about you kind of like accepting they are who they are and it's not a personal attack on you, because I often see this a lot. Like you know, take it really personally. And when they're feeling triggered and like it's knowing exactly what is that trigger, why is it triggering you? Is it because when they do, I don't't know, it makes you feel scared when they dig about your weight, it makes you feel like you're not good enough.

Speaker 1: 33:10

It's about understanding what those triggers are and accepting them, and then you can start to work on them to get to the point where you kind of like block them out and you start to create that distance where they're not having that direct impact on you every single day. And that does take work as well, especially if you're a young person, where they're not having that direct impact on you every single day, because and you know, that does take work as well, especially if you're a young person, I would say if you're under the age of 21 then, like it's really hard because you're still developing as a person as well. Right, you're still integrating and understanding trauma, what it means for you. Like you may not even know what the word trauma is like and it is true effect. But yeah, that's kind of what I would recommend. I don't know if you have anything you'd add to that.

Speaker 2: 33:42

I love everything you said and, uh, I would maybe add to that that take care of your own mental health in, like, um, start, um how would I kind of summarize this make sure that you have things around you that support your own thinking, your own mindset, your own mental health, and that includes nurturing the relationships you have around you, like outside of your family, so your friends get friends that really support you and nurture you so that you can have that beautiful connection it's somewhere else if your, your family, is not able to give that to you right now.

Speaker 2: 34:32

And also, um, start learning about your own mindset, your own body, how it reacts, how it, how it kind of meets this world, so that you're not, your focus is not constantly on how much your parents trigger you, but that you're doing the work, um, also with yourself to heal whatever has happened, um, uh, like in your family dynamic.

Speaker 2: 34:59

I know this is a lot for someone under the age of 21, but there's so many great resources online just that you can kind of surround yourself with, like great podcasts that can really support you when you're feeling alone in that environment, and it's really kind of exactly to have some kind of external positive energy and again, not toxic positive energy, like to just pretend that everything is good and everything is positive and nothing can bring you down, but really to also learn to um experience the emotions that you are going through, because sometimes it just sucks yeah and yeah, it totally sucks and like you know, to be honest, like my family have never supported my dreams and it became really hard, like from my own personal experience, like, oh, I really want to do this.

Speaker 1: 36:02

What are you doing?

Speaker 1: 36:03

Like, why would you do that? Why would you give up your job security to do this? Why would you do that? But actually, the more and more I connected to myself, I got to know myself as a person and what my core values are, how I conduct my life, what I want my life to look like. I'm really connected to that version of me.

Speaker 1: 36:19

I started, I stopped to give, like I just stopped giving a shit. Then, you know, it took a while as well, don't forget. Like when we're teenagers, when we're 20s, like it's a bit different to being in your 30s. You've been around the block a little bit. You know what I mean. So you kind of have this more confidence in yourself to be like it's okay to be me. But I do feel like the younger generations do have this, this like it is okay to be me. So I would be encouraging them to connect into themselves. What are their core values? What is really important to them? Why do they want their vision. Why is it so important to them? And you know, like this one beautifully articulated just getting that positive community around you, getting that, getting the right people around you, because you are the mean of the five, of the five people you spend the most time with. So that means getting out the house and spending time with those good people, getting online and finding your tribe, getting online and doing different things right. So, yeah, I think that's a really really good question, and being safe to dream is something I think, as women, we struggle with. Anyway, we're always told you're always too big, you're too small, you're too this, you're too small, you're too this, you're too that. But guess what, it's all fine to be too much, it's fine to be too much, it's fine to be too much and too big, too muchness, because the people who really love you and support you will be there for you, you know, and if your family can't get on board with that, that's fine.

Speaker 1: 37:36

Like I had, um, a situation this week, like with my mum, which you know, these triggers never go away, guys, like they will come up um. So I posted something on my grid like really personal this week and I texted my mum being like, hey, I'm gonna, I'm gonna put this up on my grid, I just wanted to let you know. And then she was like and you can't post that? Oh my god, what are you doing? Why are you sharing everybody? Why are you sharing that with everybody? Oh my god, everyone's gonna know. And I'm like, yeah, that's the, that's the fucking point, everyone's gonna know. Like I'm putting on social media, right. And then she was just like, oh no, but you can't do that.

Speaker 1: 38:07

And then me, when I was a lot younger, not connected to myself, not knowing who I am, would go okay, I'm not gonna post that. But then I was like I just said to her like, plain as day, clear as anything, I'm posting it. And like the overwhelming love and support I had from that post. And people are like coming into my DMs and being like, oh my God, I think this has happened to me. Or oh my God, I really want to talk to you about this or that. That's been massive. That is the healing energy as well, right, but yeah, parents always be conditioned in their own way and it's about accepting that they are living out the experience of their trauma and not and they're projecting it on you. You have a choice and if you accept it, you, you, you have a choice, and if you accept it you sit in or you don't and I'm just like, no, I'm gonna do what I like, exactly.

Speaker 2: 38:46

I love that. I love that. It's exactly choosing getting to know that authentic you, like you beautifully said, kirstie and uh, choosing if you accept it and if you don't accept it and doing your own healing around that, because there is healing to be done if you come from that kind of family environment.

Speaker 1: 39:06

So, um, yeah, I love what you said I feel like so activated in this conversation, talking about all this stuff. I like to talk to you forever, swana, but yeah, everyone head over to swarna's page or head over to my page, come and follow us. We are literally fighting the same battle of empowerment and of authenticity in women, helping us deal with trauma. I don't know if there's anything else you'd like to mention, swarna, about maybe what your offers are at the moment, what you're doing, if you have any space to work with you, yeah absolutely.

Speaker 2: 39:40

I have my three months coaching package that is all about connecting to your authentic self, becoming the main character in your own story, connecting to your body and working with the nervous system. And if any of these things resonate with you that we're spoken about today, send me a DM, send Kirsty a DM and we would be more than honored to help you and work with you yeah, and I we've talked a lot about ancestral stuff and I literally released this morning um womb whispers, which is a two-hour immersion, um where we will be releasing the shackles of our ancestors.

Speaker 1: 40:20

The womb is the portal to um, to so much, to so much of our ancestral, to our ancestral trauma. So womb whispers is happening on the 4th of november. Literally five spaces like sold out in the first 30 minutes. Couldn't believe it.

Speaker 1: 40:35

Um, so this is something that is, you know, if you're if you're really struggling to use your voice, if you're really struggling to show up as your authentic self, if you're really struggling to use your voice, if you're really struggling to show up as your authentic self, if you're really struggling to like move on from shame and guilt within your family, there are so many like things that we can do as part of this immersion, which is gonna be the two hour immersion, and the price is like literally 11.11 right now. It's absolutely crazy. So if you want to join, just send me a dm, I'll send you the link. Um, it's going to be beautiful. There's not many spaces left, but I'm really, really excited for this. I'm just, yeah, really, really excited and I've absolutely loved this conversation. Oh my god, shauna's still here. She's like two minutes away I love that.

Speaker 1: 41:15

Thank you, shauna, for sticking with us thank you also very much for joining us, sticking with us, talking for everything and, yeah, thank you so much for your incredible knowledge. Today, you absent ray of sunshine. It's been so beautiful. Thank you so much to everybody joining us and we are just send you all so much love and see you very soon.