Mastering Holiday Emotions: My Top 8 Tips To Navigate The Holiday Season.

Ever feel like your emotional "cup" is about to overflow during family gatherings? Let's explore how understanding and managing these emotions can transform your holiday experience. I promise you'll gain insights into why self-reflection is crucial when dealing with family dynamics, especially when everyone seems to have a knack for hitting those emotional triggers. Learn why the notion of a perfect holiday is a myth, and how setting realistic expectations can be your secret weapon for a more enjoyable time with loved ones. Armed with practical strategies like setting boundaries and crafting exit plans, you'll be ready to prioritize your well-being no matter what the season throws at you.

Tune in as we uncover essential self-care strategies that can keep you grounded through the hustle and bustle of the holiday season. From meditation and exercise to balanced nutrition, discover the tools you need to recharge and maintain emotional clarity. We'll tackle the art of graceful conversation management and the benefits of limiting alcohol, recommending Noseco as a refreshing, non-alcoholic option. Plus, find out why connecting with a strong support system is vital for staying mindful of your emotional needs. This episode is packed with valuable advice to help you navigate the holidays with confidence and tranquility.

Chapters

• 0:00 Navigating Difficult Family Dynamics During Holidays
• 6:41 Holiday Self-Care Strategies and Boundaries

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

And just like that, it is the day before Christmas Eve, and this year has been a very, very interesting year for so many people, I think. And today I'm just going to be focusing on how you can take care of yourself through the holidays when dealing with difficult family. Honestly, dealing with family over Christmas can be really, really tricky, especially, you know, it's one of those things, isn't it, if you don't have a family argument at Christmas. Are you even a family? Well, that's kind of what it was like for me growing up. But I just kind of want to talk to you today about navigating the different dynamics, how to keep yourself safe and the reason why you're being triggered. So I'm going to talk about why you get triggered in the first place.

Speaker 1: 0:43

Right, it's because you have a cup. You know everyone says, oh, fill your cup, fill your cup, fill your cup. Well, imagine you have a cup for each family member. You have a, you know. You have a cup for your mum, you have a cup for your dad, you have a cup for your brother and over the years they have done various things that have triggered you, that have upset you, that have upset you, that have made you feel really, really angry or really upset, whatever it is, and then, on top of that, you still have to continuously spend time with them. You may actively avoid them through the year. You may think I just can't be around this person because they drive me absolutely insane. And if that is you, then this is because your cup is really, really full with that person. And the way that you need to empty that cup is through multiple things. It's through working through your childhood stuff. Mainly, it's through working through forgiveness with that person. It's not going to be done like look, even if you start the fucking day, it ain't going to be done by Christmas day, right? So this is something to focus on in the new year, but remember like they are acting in the way that they are acting. It may be selfish, it may be perceived as whatever, but what I want to say to you is is that it's your responsibility to mind your emotions okay.

Speaker 1: 1:57

If somebody is triggering you, it is your fault. You need to look at it, okay. Well, you could say, oh, christy, that's not fair because they are doing this and it's upsetting me. But yeah, you are the one getting upset. You are the one that's upset. Their behavior could be completely outrageous. But what are the reasons why you're getting upset? Is it an outrageous thing, yes, or is it a historical thing that is really, really hurtful? That is bringing up stuff from your childhood. Every single thing that you get upset about, fucked off about or whatever comes from your childhood, right, and until people start to really notice this and start to take it as seriously as it is, then nothing will change.

Speaker 1: 2:33

Okay, if you're one of my one-to-one clients, you know that I absolutely talk about this all the time and I will always help you find the root cause of why you react the way that you do. Okay, so that's a little bit of tough love to begin with, because you know, as you're going through this, you need to be asking yourself why am I being triggered? Oh, it's probably because of this or that, and it doesn't matter if it's something really silly or perceived as silly. It's never silly. It let you know. If it's left an imprint in you, that's absolutely fine, and it doesn't have to be a big song and a dance.

Speaker 1: 3:05

But what I really want you to take care of today is yourself and to put yourself as a priority for the next few days. Okay, because guess what? None of your family members are going to do it for you. Okay, I don't know why I'm so fucking sassy today, but here we go.

Speaker 1: 3:21

So, firstly, I want you to set realistic expectations. Okay, you do not have to be perfect. The picture perfect Christmas doesn't exist. Family gatherings obviously will have moments of discomfort, and that's okay. And again we're coming back to what can I control? I can't control the behaviors of others. I know that, for example, this uncle coming to dinner might be a complete dickhead, okay. Okay, what can you do to preempt that? Okay, you can put more effort into it being a more enjoyable experience, or you can just simply choose to ignore that person.

Speaker 1: 3:53

I know that can be quite hard if you're already like, quite emotionally head up about what the topic is saying or about that person. So find a way to manage it. Be, you know, make you know, think ahead, be smart. You know we want to be smarter, not work harder, right? So if you know that somebody is likely to be a bit of a dick, what can you do to detach yourself from that situation? If an argument ensues, go to the kitchen. If an argument ensues, you do not have to contribute. You can just, you know, remove yourself from that situation and and when people calm down, you can come back. You know, remove yourself from that situation and, and when people calm down, you can come back like you just have to prioritize yourself, and this is about boundaries as well, Okay, so the second thing I want you to do is to create healthy boundaries.

Speaker 1: 4:36

Decide what you will and won't tolerate now, know your limits and politely enforce them first of all. But if they don't take you know, if they don't take it politely, then be extremely firm. Um, and you have the choice to be like. I'd rather not discuss that right now. You can deflect uncomfortable conversations. You do not have to talk about things you do not want to. If things get too intense, it's okay to step outside, take a walk, leave early, have that exit strategy planned. If you are sitting in an environment where you're feeling really uncomfortable, your nervous system is going all over the place, okay, and Christmas should be about peace, and that includes your peace as well. So creating that healthy boundary is so, so important for you in terms of like being right.

Speaker 1: 5:20

I'm going to tolerate this, but I'm not going to tolerate that, and you know, I had this conversation the other day about boundaries, and the truth is okay if you are being I'm being such a bitch today, but I'm being really honest. It's like my friend was like, oh, I would tell you to take the easy way out because you're, because this person's visiting, and I was just like no, no, because if I take the easy way out, I'm giving inconsistent boundaries. It's being flexible with my boundaries, that's not giving them a clear place on where they stand. And also, I know it's hard work for me to reinforce boundaries time and time again, because obviously it's exhausting, but it's even more exhausting to continue on this battle. And now, because I've kept consistent boundaries for a certain period of time, this person now responds to them and respects them and doesn't cross them. Okay, why? Because I've taught them my boundaries. You know boundaries are not things that are bad guys. Okay, it's really really not bad. Boundaries are not bad. They are rules to keep everybody safe. Why do you think that we give kids rules Like don't put your fucking hand in the fire, timmy? Because that's fucking bad. We put boundaries in place to keep everybody safe, right? So the minute that you start to see that boundaries is to keep yourself, but also the other person, safe in their relationship and to feel secure. This can be really easy to start to enforce boundaries.

Speaker 1: 6:41

Third thing I want you to do is to prioritize self-care, alone time, time for solitude, time for reflection, recharging whether it's meditation, a walk, journaling, heading to the gym, going and having a scream in your car. Look at luck, babe. I'm not here to judge. Whatever you need to do, go and do it and get into this self-care routine. Today, like you know, I want you to stick to the routines that you have in place, your regular self-care habits, all your exercise, making sure you're getting good sleep. At this time of year, it's really, really easy to indulge in chocolate, but make sure you're having some vegetables too. Okay, let's try and be balanced. Or, if you want to splurge on Christmas, that's fine, but sticking to those routines can help us feel more secure in ourselves. Okay, bringing comfort items, favourite book playlist, calming essential oils can provide a sense of grounding. If you're staying at a family member's house, you know you want to bring your pyjamas. You might want to spray like a certain perfume that makes you feel at home, like all of this stuff. Just allow yourself to feel a little bit more comfort during this time.

Speaker 1: 7:52

Okay, this the fourth thing I want to talk about is managing conversations with grace. Okay, if you anticipate certain comments or questions you know it's nothing to rehearse a natural or redirecting reply such as let's talk about something else. I'd love to hear about what you've been up to often referring back to the other person, asking a question about them. They will be more, more, more more excited about talking about themselves than anybody else. We're fucking human. We all have ego. We love to be asked about ourselves, okay, so, so that is a really, really good way of redirecting conversation is to ask a question about the other person what have you been up to? What was your favorite Christmas gift? You know, what do you think of Christmas? I don't know. Just come up with anything. Just redirect the conversation back to them and people will soon lose interest in whatever question they had had for you.

Speaker 1: 8:42

Um, um, if you don't want to talk about it, stay curious, not defensive, as well, as part of managing conversations with grace. If tensions rise, then approach the conversation with curiosity instead of reacting emotionally. And you know, ask, ask about it. You know, if somebody says something to you that's really jarring and you feel in the defense, you're allowed to remove yourself from that situation. You never have to stay out in a situation you feel uncomfortable with, despite what other people may pressure around you. You can do whatever you want. Okay, just fucking spread your fucking wings and leave the bloody room and have a minute, or, you know, if you kind of feel like agitated, but you can still continue with the conversation, ask them to tell you more, like be curious, like that's interesting, can you tell me more and this can really diffuse the tension as well in a conversation or be like, okay, I hear you and I understand where you're coming from. Validating somebody's experience can be super, super powerful, especially if they're being defensive or if they're being agitated. Okay, so this is a thing that you can use both ways one for yourself, but also to to diffuse other situations, because often a lot of time when people are really angry or irritated or defensive, they just want to be seen and heard. So just saying I hear you can really defuse tension in in that space. Okay, number five, and don don't come for me. Don't fucking come for me.

Speaker 1: 10:08

But it's limit alcohol, intake alcohol. If you're a very spiritual person like me, alcohol fucks you up, absolutely fucks you up, and I feel the depressant for days and days and days, I purposely choose not to drink anymore. I may have one or two drinks when I go out with friends, but other than that I do not drink. And you know, the more that you drink, the more it amplifies emotions and conflicts. And you know you might think, oh fucking hell, after this I really do need a drink. But you know, keep an eye on how much you're drinking. Try and stay that clear-headed, because this will help you manage more challenging dynamics more effectively, because when you're having a drink you're emotionally ready to overflow Because everything is heightened. Okay, and yeah, I'm sorry, but Noseco, which you can get in Azur and Tesco, not a sponsor. By the way, you should fucking be a sponsor, because this has made me into an alcoholic, non-alcoholic, because it's so good, but Noseco is a very nice alternative to prosecco. Okay, top tip, if you take anything away from the podcast today, just fucking take that. But obviously I don't know where you can get it across the world. I'm just talking about the uk because we have global listeners, which is always so exciting to me.

Speaker 1: 11:20

Okay, six, have a support system. Connect with allies. Identify different family members who can provide emotional support during gatherings. Stick with them, who is on the vibe with you, like, do they get it? Stay with them. If maybe you don't have them, then maybe there are other families or other family members or other friends that you can reach out to and, just you know, be mindful of other people in this time. Guys, like one of the things that most of me and my friends do. We say have you got a space for me right now? And they might go, yeah, I do, oh, no, I don't, and that's fine. If they don't have space to you, that's fine, but if they do, then you get a chance to have event to somebody who understands and supports you. Okay, and that's absolutely perfect. I've extended my container for my group, which I've been doing over the last sort of like 12 days, oh, 11 days. At the moment we're doing the 12, sort of like 12 days or 11 days. At the moment we're doing 12 days of Christmas and I've extended the container so that people can have support in there because I can.

Speaker 1: 12:20

I know Christmas can be a really, really challenging time for people. I want you to focus on the positives. Okay, christmas can be a really. This is number seven, by the way. This is oh, yeah, it. It's a really difficult time of year.

Speaker 1: 12:35

December comes with a lot of loss for me and I. I fundamentally do not enjoy the holiday season. I do not enjoy the weather. Everything about this time of year just kind of repels me. Even though I'm a Capricorn, I should be all over this material, loving capitalist shit, but literally I'm just not like, I'm really just not.

Speaker 1: 12:53

So right now is really important to seek out the joy. You know, even if it's small moments of joy like drinking a nice cup of tea. Focus on the moments that bring you happiness. Maybe it's a favorite holiday tradition, a tradition like a delicious meal, a favorite chocolate, quality time with somebody you enjoy, or if not, then you can just think about the things that you're grateful for. Like I wake up every morning, I'm like like, oh, thank God for this fucking bed. I'm so happy with this bed and my bed covers and my lovely pajamas. Like this is how I wake up every single morning, because I'm so grateful for my life and I'm so grateful for the small moments of peace, for the connection with my clients, for the connection with my friends, for the connection with my family, for the connection with people around me. I really, really am so trying to be more grateful during this time can also be a bit of a saving grace in terms of maintaining a positive outlook on your life and on the world, because, you know, at this time of year, it's always a really tricky time. So, yeah, I highly recommend gratitude and this could be a habit that you carry through 2025. Like, gratitude really elevates your frequency and brings you to a different level, and when you start to become in this energy of attraction and being magnetic because of how grateful you are, you just draw so many other positive opportunities to you.

Speaker 1: 14:12

So I'm absolutely going to say that that and I'm going to end on my on my eighth tip for the holiday season, and that is to forgive yourself. It's normal to get overwhelmed, it's normal to get triggered. Don't beat yourself up about it. Don't beat yourself up for needing breaks, for not handling everything perfectly. I've given you some tips and you can take these on. You might write them down and you might not follow a fucking single one of them and then be like, oh, I really wish I had. But what I want to say to you is that it's absolutely fine. It is absolutely fucking fine, okay. It's okay because you're learning and you're changing behavior.

Speaker 1: 14:52

Sometimes we make mistakes. We don't just, oh, I'm not going to be triggered anymore and then it all works out perfectly fine. Sometimes it does, but not always. So release any guilt, release any shame. Do not beat yourself up. Forgive yourself, and you know what. Celebrate small wins, whether it's staying calm in a tense moment, taking a breather, like every step counts when it comes to changing behavior and changing how you deal with other people. Okay, and I just think we are really, really hard on ourselves and we often think we have to do things perfectly. This is why it becomes really hard and we need to be like this daughter. We need to be this version of us, of ourselves, where you know it's uh, where we don't make mistakes and yes, that's it, that's it for my holiday tips. Um, and most of all, it's about putting yourself first. If we're going to summarize, it's putting yourself first, saying no when you mean no, meeting yourself with some compassion, forgiving yourself and managing boundaries and do not feel guilty for boundaries, because they're rules to keep everybody safe If you're like, okay, cool.

Speaker 1: 16:04

What I would highly recommend is space for decompression after the holiday season. So, although not official tip, I would just say schedule some downtime, reflect and reset. You know, use that like I don't know weird time between Christmas and New Year where you can really sit down and journal, talk through any lingering emotions with a trusted friend or just, you know, have time to decompress after the family events and think about how they made you feel and how you want to feel different next year. How would you want to feel different next year? And if you're like, yeah, fuck, yeah, you want to feel different next year, how would you want to feel different next year? And if you're like, yeah, fuck, yeah, I want to feel different next year, then let me know, because you know I will be doing lots of different things next year to deal with ancestral stuff, mother, father wounds and rebuilding ourselves. I'll be doing a lot of different things which I'm really, really excited for. But, yeah, if you need anything over the holidays, please reach out to somebody that you trust, to somebody who can support you. And I don't know when my next episode will be. It's probably going to be in the new year, now, probably first week of January, as I go into my little cocoon and have a little rest over the holiday season, and I'm honestly sending you so much love during this time.

Speaker 1: 17:18

I know it's not great for everyone, but just know you're not alone. There are lots of people out there who find Christmas less than good, and if you are seeing that social media reel of how happy everyone is, please just remember it's only a very snapshot time in time and it's almost like one photo. I remember being in Bali and like you'd have this most beautiful, picturesque thing right next to a fucking construction site, right, and if you put your camera one way, it looks like a paradise like you've never seen before. And then you look to the left and it looks like a fucking shit show. Okay, and that is life. That is what you're seeing on Instagram. You're seeing a tiny little snapshot of something that looks perfect but probably isn't okay. So send you all so much love and I will see you next year. Ah, be one of those. See you next year, mwah.