Why being visible is scary and how to overcome it...

Have you ever felt like you're hiding in plain sight, afraid to speak your truth or stand out? Discover how childhood experiences of seeking approval and avoiding rejection might be holding you back in personal and professional settings. We delve into the journey of a client who bravely faced their fear of visibility, shedding light on how confronting these fears can lead to profound personal growth and the liberty of self-expression free from judgment. High achievers struggling with self-doubt and overthinking will find solace and strategies in this episode, as we urge you to face these fears head-on, paving the way for a life lived authentically and boldly.

Join us as we embark on a transformative exploration of healing personal and generational trauma through connecting with your inner child, bodily awareness, and self-reparenting. These practices are pivotal in breaking subconscious patterns and transcending the invisible barriers that confine us. Introducing the "Reborn" mentorship program, designed to aid individuals in understanding and healing mother and father wounds, this episode serves as a powerful call to action. Embrace your inner strength and contribute to ending generational oppression, empowering not only yourself but future generations. This is more than just a conversation; it's an invitation to reclaim your power and live life on your terms.

Chapters

• 0:00 Overcoming Fear of Visibility
• 9:57 Healing Through Inner Child Connection

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Why visibility feels scary and how to overcome it. So this training is absolutely for you. If you struggle with being visible, if you struggle and you're always holding back in the meeting where you want to shoot your hand up and be like I have this incredible idea, but then the moment passes. You get super defensive when you get any sort of feedback because it feels like a personal attack. You get any sort of feedback because it feels like a personal attack. You steer clear of bold moves, like opinions that differ from the group that you're in, because you just feel like I don't want to be rejected, I don't want to stand out. You may struggle to take up space, struggle to ask for help, and you avoid conversations like when your friend or your partner hurts you and you just really really struggle to let it. You and you just really really struggle to let it go and you're internalizing all this emotion but you're not speaking out. Today I am teaching you three things about being visible and that is the root of fear how it shows up and how you can heal this fear. Okay, I'm gonna be taking questions at the end, so if you do have any questions, then definitely do drop them in and thank you so much for joining. So the first thing I'm going to teach you is the root of the fear, okay, the root of fearing being being visible. Why is it so hard for you to show up? And some of the roots like? We have to understand that. The root can be many different things, but I'm going to talk about a few things today.

Speaker 1: 1:26

So the fear of visibility can often be traced back to childhood. Obviously, everything that you ever need to know about why you do something lies within your childhood, and maybe you were criticized too much as a child. Maybe you were always told that you need to be quiet, you need to sit down, you're too much, you're too this, you're too that, whatever it is. Maybe you learn that it's safer to stay quiet or you'll just end up with judgment or rejection. As children, we are completely wired for approval. Why are we? Why Because we want to belong in a tribe. When we belong as part of a tribe, we feel very, very safe and really connected. So often we will do things to mimic behaviour of the tribe and to become part of it. That is evolution, that is passed down through generations. That is in your DNA, because ancestors have gone through this process in order for you to stay safe and survive. That's how evolution works. They want to make sure you survive, but when you don't get approval, it can create so many wounds about being seen, about being heard, about really showing up and taking space and being that center of attention. So, for instance, I had a client of mine.

Speaker 1: 2:35

As a child she was totally made fun of whenever she would speak about her feelings. She would always come out and she would say about how she was feeling and, like her mother, would laugh at her and be like oh haha, don't be so silly, pull yourself together all that bullshit that we're taught as children. Pull yourself together, blah, blah, blah, blah whether you know, without validating that emotion. So what did she learn? That her emotions are not valid, that she's always too much, that this emotion that she's feeling isn't good for her. And then she became terrified in speaking her truth, not only in her business, in her career, in her relationships, in her friendships. It leaked into every part of her life, because she would constantly hold everything in, and this is where she was, that people pleaser. She had very little boundaries and what she's doing is she's just keeping herself small because she doesn't want to rock the boat or upset anybody, okay, and I get that. We all want to just live our life of peace, I get it. But when all want to just live our life at peace, I get it. But when it becomes to a point where it becomes more harmful than protective, then you really need to look at this and look at these boundaries, because that's not okay. What we did with her is that we went back and we kind of unblocked a lot of this different stuff which I always do with my one-to-one clients through various different methods. We went back and then we were able to open up that throat for her, you know, allow her to express herself freely. And in the end she actually didn't really care what people thought of her when she expressed her emotions, which was really beautiful.

Speaker 1: 4:00

And you know, this really does relate to our high achievers, to the women who are really high achieving. They have the fear of showing up because they're just overthinking everything. You're that person who is constantly chasing that next success because you want to be visible, but there's also part of you that doesn't want to be visible. You are doubting your opinions, you are avoiding opportunities that would put you in the spotlight because, deep down, it feels unsafe. It feels unsafe to really put yourself out there and be like I. Like I'm here and I'm ready to take on this challenge. Okay.

Speaker 1: 4:33

So some of the symptoms about the fear of visibility, okay, is literally about hesitating to post on social media. You know what if this sounds stupid? What if people judge me? What if I end up deleting it? You know, especially if you're a business owner, this can be really really potent for you, because you might be sat there for two hours in Canva writing something and just thinking, oh my god, I can't even cope with this. Alternatively, if you're in a workplace, you might think, oh my god, can I send this email? Is this okay? Like, am I just being a bitch? Am I being really moody? Whatever it is like you can just go into this like spiral of self-doubt and not actually communicating your boundary and communicating what's really important to you is not, is not okay. So we end up talking ourselves out of it and staying small. You may stay silent in silent in meetings or on calls because you're like, oh, the thought of speaking up is actually terrifying. Um, and if you were actually yourself, what would people think about you? This will also leak into imposter syndrome as well, because we'll constantly feel like, oh my God, people are going to find out who I really am. And when you start to really show up as your authentic self, you never have this worry because you're always yourself, so you're never pretending or putting on a mask to be something you're not.

Speaker 1: 5:47

You will downplay your achievements oh, you know well, that person do help me. Or you know, oh, it was nothing, I just got lucky, or I was in the right place at the right time. You know, you may even get to a point where, like you celebrate your wins but like it's very short-lived and it actually doesn't feel satisfying as well, because you're like I don't want to be in the spot, like I don't want people to see me. You may find as well that you feel paralyzed by perfectionism, so you may want everything to be perfect in order for yourself to be seen. It might be perfect hair, perfect makeup. You may not even go to the supermarket unless you've got a full face of makeup on. You may, you know, it may dictate how you wear your clothes. You may? You know, obviously we've got our lovely like style coach in here as well, but it does come down to that, like I need to look perfect in order to be accepted, I need to look perfect to be okay.

Speaker 1: 6:40

Um, you may kind of understand that this endless quest for perfectionism is actually procrastination, and then you end up actually not doing anything at all because you're just paralyzed by like not being enough. Because if you're enough and you're perfect and you're seen, then it can be really, really difficult and that comes with just like these kind of consequences. Remember, as children, our brain is constantly forming this map of the world and it will do anything that it can to keep us safe, even if it's like staying in familiar, you know familiar hell or the unfamiliar heaven. So if anything is like resonating with you, do let me know, because I am just like chatting here, so do let you know. Let me know what you're thinking, or if you think I'm talking shit, and then tell me let's talk about it.

Speaker 1: 7:29

So the next thing I want to talk about is the impact of the fear of visibility. Okay, so in your business, in your career, it stops you from growing. It stops you from attracting clients or attracting those job opportunities. It's stopping you from showing up as the expert as you are, like you are an expert in your field for a reason. Oh, thank you Thanks for talking to me in your field for a reason. Aww, thank you Thanks for talking to me. Yeah, you are the expert in your field, and when you avoid being visible, you also avoid opportunities that can elevate you in so many different ways. And saying fuck yes when you really want to say it.

Speaker 1: 8:06

Also as well, you might end up saying yes to things just to kind of stay where you are as a mode of self-sabotage In relationship. It stops you from expressing your needs and your feelings. You might find yourself pretending to be okay when you're not. Oh, I'm fine. I mean, who hasn't done that? Oh, I'm fine, don't worry, it's okay. You know you may stay in situations that no longer serve you. You may avoid deep connections because you've been hurt before or because there's this fear of being rejected or being judged for like who you really are. Hi, jojo, um, so with yourself as well, when we're thinking about the fear and the impact of like, the fear of being visible perhaps the most damaging impact. Oh, sorry, doing multiple things after two groups. Okay, no worries, thank you. Thank you for joining um. So, yeah, um, the most impactful thing is with yourself and it's the relationship with yourself.

Speaker 1: 9:06

It's every time that you, you're sitting in silence. It's that voice. It's that negative self-talk. It's you hiding your accomplishments. It's that voice. It's that negative self-talk. It's you hiding your accomplishments. It's avoiding taking up space. It's reinforcing the belief that you are not enough. Now, over time, this will lead to feelings of frustration, to sadness, to disconnection from your true self, and the list goes on and on. And this fear doesn't keep you safe, it doesn't. It just literally keeps you small and keeps you where you are. It stops you from being seen, being valued for the true value that you are. It stops you from being celebrated for the unique and brilliant person that you are. And the truth is that the world needs your voice, like you are here for a reason. You chose to come down in this time for a fucking reason, and your voice, your ideas, your light is so beautiful and so important.

Speaker 1: 9:57

So now, how do we heal this? This is the third part. How do we heal this? So, this is the great news we can heal anything in our life that we want to. This is a pattern that you can heal from and, like I will recommend, like the three main things that you need to do in order to heal this, which is connect with your inner child. You need to feel into your body and you need to basically reparent yourself as much, as as much as you can. Okay, this is really impossible to do on your own because a lot of this stuff is lying within your subconscious. But that's great news because I offer this with my one-to-one clients in reborn.

Speaker 1: 10:38

So if you want to dm or comment the word reborn, it is my three month member mentorship and what we do is we go through all of this stuff. We go through connecting to the inner child, we go through understanding the mother wounds, the father wounds and how we basically unearth all of this stuff. Everything, every behavior in your life that you don't know why you do. It leads back to your childhood, and the sooner that you realize that, the sooner you'll be able to progress on your path. And I often see clients in business who are like I don't know, there's like this imaginary ceiling above me, but I don't know what it is. I who are like I don't know, there's like this imaginary ceiling above me, but I don't know what it is. I'm like it's your freaking inner child, because you carry your inner child everywhere with you all of the time.

Speaker 1: 11:21

So if you want to DM me reborn to learn more, to book a call, to see if we're a good fit, then literally just comment it below in the comments or just slide into my DMs and I will happily talk to you about the next steps forward, because it's so important.

Speaker 1: 11:34

We have come down at this time for a specific reason it is time to change the generational trauma of being oppressed as women, and this is what we do. We're changing the trajectory, not only for ourselves, but for the lives of the people who come after us, the people that we touch, the people that we interact with in this lifetime. So this is my plea to you is, if you take anything from this live, is that you promise yourself that you will be more visible, even if it's scary, even if it's hard, and you'll take some of the information I've used today and well said today, and you'll use it and hopefully feel super freaking confident. So I'm gonna leave it there for today, but let me know what you think. I'd love to hear your thoughts and sending you so much love.