How to stops shutting down when having a difficult conversation.

Can you remember a time when you silenced your true feelings to maintain harmony? Discover the fascinating intersection between professional prowess and personal vulnerability in "Inner Child Healing for Authentic Expression." We unravel the mystery of why so many high achievers can navigate structured work environments with ease yet falter when it comes to expressing emotions in their personal lives. This episode takes a deep dive into how childhood survival mechanisms, like staying quiet to avoid conflict, can linger into adulthood, impacting your ability to communicate openly. By shining a light on these subconscious patterns, we'll guide you towards rewiring your beliefs and embracing your authentic voice, even in moments of vulnerability.

Ever wondered how to transform your life by harnessing the full potential of your voice? Join us for "Empowerment Through Voice Activation," where we reveal a unique healing modality that goes beyond traditional communication coaching. Combining conscious conversation, regression work, and holistic healing, this approach tackles the root causes of your self-expression challenges. Discover how setting boundaries and improving relationships can lead to a more empowered existence. Ready to change your life? Reach out with the word "speak" to begin your journey in February, and unlock the power to claim your space confidently in every aspect of life.

Chapters

• 0:00 Inner Child Healing for Authentic Expression
• 12:37 Empowerment Through Voice Activation

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

What you really feel, without fear or guilt. So today I'm going to be talking to you and this training will be exactly for you. If you have massive confidence at work, you can give presentations, you can lead teams, you can handle challenges like an absolute pro, but when it comes to personal relationships, it comes to a whole different story. So you may be owning your business, you might be the entrepreneur, you may make decisions so effortlessly, you may be able to challenge people, manage difficult clients, but then, when it comes to your home situation, it becomes so, so difficult. And this is what I'm going to be talking about today, about, basically, why you hold your feelings in to avoid conflict, why you struggle to ask what you need and you stay quiet because you're afraid of being too much. And if this is sounding familiar, then this training is absolutely for you today. So what I'm going to be talking about today is three things, and these are going to be the three things that you're going to learn today is why saying what you feel feels really hard in personal relationships rather than business.

Speaker 1: 0:58

The root causes of this pattern and here's a hint it starts with your inner child and the practical steps in order for you to basically express your true self with confidence, even if it feels vulnerable, okay. So why is it harder to speak up in relationships? Basically, let's start here. It is so much easier in business because at work, you're likely operating in a structured, results-driven environment and your worth is tied to your skills, not your emotions. Okay, and if you are somebody who has always been a high achiever in life, then this is why it's so easy for you to become this like boss babe at work. Okay, because you're driven by that result. You're driven by those experiences because you may have also thought that maybe your career progression ties into your self-worth. So this means that you will just continuously go for it. You'll elevate your confidence, you'll elevate through the ranks at work because you just have this confidence and this drive to do it.

Speaker 1: 1:57

So other things that you may want to consider is that when you come to a personal relationship, it feels, feels really, really personal, and rejection doesn't feel like feedback. It feels like abandonment, judgment or even like shame or guilt in terms of like, what that rejection is about. And you know sometimes as well, when we're in our home, we will be role modeling from our parents. Right, if your mom constantly stayed quiet, kept the peace. Maybe your grandmother did it too. This is all passed down into how we learn on how to manage confrontation and how to manage our relationships.

Speaker 1: 2:34

So, moving on to part two, the root cause of the. The root cause of it all the inner child patterns. Basically, it all comes back to your inner child, the younger version of you, who learned how to survive by playing small quiet and just being agree and just being agreeable. This is where, like as a child, you're very much going inwards and you're like keeping yourself safe. Why? Because that's what our nervous system is here to do.

Speaker 1: 2:58

If you spoke your truth and you were shouted at, or if you cried or got angry and you were laughed at, you were told to be quiet, to stop being dramatic, to shut up. You're too much. You may just have this whole inner thing of like I am too much, and the truth is, you're never too much for the right person. I know that's a really cliche saying, but it's absolutely true. In terms of like, you are never too much for the right person. But when you're at home and you're constantly being told this, you're, you're being taught that your feelings do not matter, and when you go into a work environment. You're not taking your feelings. You're taking in this like I'm gonna get shit done. I'm gonna get this stuff done. Right, it's not a I'm bringing my emotions into work, but they can seep in if you do not start to address with the things that are going on at home. You another side of the coin is that you may have been praised for being easy or a good girl, you know, especially if you were the older sibling or you were maybe the younger sibling. You were the sibling that didn't like cause any problems for your family because you didn't want to be a burden. So this means then you will learn to suppress your needs in order to keep the peace. And we, we have to think.

Speaker 1: 4:04

When you're a child, when you're from like zero to eight, like during this, your subconscious mind is like mapping out the world. It's mapping out what's safe, and your subconscious mind is like 95% of your brain function and 5% is your conscious brain. So in that subconscious element of you, where you are, you will literally a situation will present itself and your subconscious mind will come out and will make a decision of what you need to do, before your conscious mind can even comprehend of what's happening. Your subconscious calls the shots all the time. And if you're wondering why, like you may have been in therapy, you may have done all these different things, but you can't move past it, it's because you're not rewiring that, that brain pattern, that you know that neuropathway that way that you cope with that situation, because the brain will always want to keep you safe. As you know, evolution has got on. The fundamental purpose of our body is to keep us alive and it will do that at the expense of everything depending on what is logged within our subconscious mind. So it's really important to know that. And if this is kind of like, oh my God, I'm totally getting this, this is for me like, make sure you drop a comment, because I'd love to know if I'm speaking to you and when we're talking about how this pattern shows up in your life.

Speaker 1: 5:21

You may avoid conflict, and you know you may want to avoid conflict instead of addressing what hurts you. You may want to say it's fine, like how many of us have gone around being like, oh, it's fine, it's fine, but deep down it's not fine. And this is the number one cause of relationship breakdowns, because resentment builds and resentment is the number one killer of relationships. When you downplay your needs, you hesitate to ask for help, you end up in this whole Miss Independent persona, which is really really damaging as feminine women, as women who are women, we are not designed to be in a masculine nine to five doing the doing. We are meant to be like, basically living in our feminine flow, living in accordance to our cycle. We have a 28 day cycle with our hormones. Men have a 24 hour cycle. It's a really big difference. So when the guy is feeling off by about 3 pm, we're like that for an entire freaking week. That's our luteal phase, right? So this is why it's so, so important to realize that it's not about hustling. We need to really just like. We just really need to calm down and ask for support when we need it, and that's the entire.

Speaker 1: 6:29

It's highly different conversation altogether. Excuse me, you may replay conversations in your head. After every emotional conversation, you might overthink every word, what you should have said, did you say the wrong thing? You might sit there feeling really, really anxious, wondering if you said something wrong, and also you'll feel responsible for other people's emotions. This is where, like that, codependency comes in as well, where you start to prioritize other people's feelings to keep them happy, because you want to keep them close.

Speaker 1: 7:01

This is often at the expense of your own well-being, and you know. The cost of staying silent in this is that your relationships remain surface level. You do not have meaningful connections with people. You have resentment towards the people who you're supposed to love the most in your life and, worst of all, you feel unseen and unheared by the people who love you the most. So here we're going to talk about now how you can say what you really feel.

Speaker 1: 7:26

Okay, you gotta heal your inner child. Okay, you gotta start by validating your inner child. You gotta look at the version of you that's younger and who learned to stay quiet. You need to ask yourself what does my younger self need to hear to feel safer, expressing herself what you know? Tell her. It's okay to take up space. Your feelings matter. It's safe to share what you feel like.

Speaker 1: 7:48

This is one of the first steps in how you can say what you really feel, because if you're not coming from a place of safety, what normally happens is you'll end up having like this emotional blow up. Well, like you've just got to this point where you just can't take anymore, and then you just blow up and you just can't cope with anything. Another thing is to name your emotions. This can be really hard, especially like if you're on the spectrum as well the autistic spectrum like actually understanding your emotions and you know if you have ADHD too, that naming your emotions can be quite challenging because you're like I feel this way, but I don't know what it is. So it's okay to just tap into the body and to get into the body and out of the mind and ask what am I feeling right now?

Speaker 1: 8:27

Your body is the best thing to communicate with you to navigate this stuff, and it will always tell you what it needs, the next step. So, for example, if you're feeling really anxious, it's telling you it needs to go into a place of safety. So you need to get outside, you need to get grounded. You may need to do other things to relieve this anxiety. Okay, your body is always trying to communicate with you.

Speaker 1: 8:47

You want to start small as well. Don't just go in and be like and f you and f you and f you and f you like. Don't do that. You want to start small, like and be like oh um, I'd rather watch this movie, or can we do this? How about we go to that restaurant? This little like way of like asserting yourself and just seeing like how that reaction is can be really really good in terms of like building your confidence. Right, confidence loves evidence and the more evidence you give yourself that when you start to speak your mind or ask for what you need and ask for what you want, that it doesn't end up in a big thing blowing up in your face, then you start to become more confident and be able to ask the bigger things.

Speaker 1: 9:26

You want to use I statements. So, instead of being like you never do this, you want to use I statements. So, instead of being like you never do this, you never do that. This is so damaging to relationships. Like you need to be more. More in that I feel I feel unheard when, when I don't get to share my thoughts. I feel unheard when I ask you to do something and you don't do it. I feel unheard when, blah, blah, you know. Think about an example in your life right now. Where could you think about the person who is doing something all the time that's annoying you and be like, how can I use an I statement to overcome this? This is a really good way of thinking about it and also like it's less defensive for the person. Because if I come in and I'm like you never do this, you never do that, blah, blah, blah, you automatically get on the defensive and you're like, okay, I'm not happy about this, I don't. Yeah, like you're a bit, like I don't really care what you're asking of me. I just feel personally attacked when, if you're using those I statements, you're inviting people in to speak to you and to have those communications.

Speaker 1: 10:24

You may want to reframe your vulnerability as well. Vulnerability is not a weakness, it is an act of courage. By sharing your truth, you give others permission to do the same, creating deeper, more meaningful connections. Okay, and when you're vulnerable, like it's so hard, if you've had a life of like, where you've been constantly hurt and like your heart is closed and you're really struggling, then it can be really hard to open up that heart again and to basically like accept in that people are not going to reject you or abandon you. By speaking your truth like it's really hard, and again this comes back to your inner child, like going back and serving that inner child.

Speaker 1: 11:00

I want you to celebrate your wins as well, no matter how small it is. Just saying something like, just like literally doing those small, small things. Like I said, confidence loves evidence. So, yeah, the more you do it, the more you'll get bigger and bigger. And remember it's progress, not perfection, is the goal here. Just because you say, right, I'm gonna set boundaries now, then then feel bad about it afterwards when somebody pushes your boundary and you didn't hold it like. It's not about that. It is a journey, it's a marathon, not a sprint. And I had a client once who, like she, had asserted boundaries and then, um, something had happened and she'd like let herself get pushed back and she'd beat herself up about it. I was like, no, no, no, like this, is it this? Is you realizing that that's not okay? Like you know, you, two, three months ago you wouldn't have realized this. You would have just carried on and went with it. So it's really important, guys, that we celebrate ourselves, because we don't do it anywhere near enough.

Speaker 1: 11:55

Now, if you're like I'm diving into this, I really want to start using my voice, I really want to be so comfortable in my personal relationships, then I want to talk to you more about my mentorship program called activate your voice. It's open for a limited time. I don't normally do this. I normally have my reborn, which is my three-month mentorship. But activate your voice is one month and basically it's all about you achieving your voice. So it's about getting that emotional confidence, it's that liberation from guilt, it is that deep inner healing for you to reconnect with your inner child and release old wounds and patterns are keeping you quiet and small. It's about you creating authentic relationships and starting to create this foundation of unshakable self-worth.

Speaker 1: 12:37

Okay, you're gonna like learn how to use your voice and that leads to taking up space in every area of your life not just being confident at work, but being confident in your romantic relationships, your friendships, your family relationships, being able to have that conversation with your dad where you've been putting it off for so long, or being able to set those boundaries with your mum, who's who's just being like not very nice to you or she's doing things there. She feels like it's helping but it's not really helping, like you're able to use your voice and get yourself out there and this is what it's done in a month. And like people will always say to me oh my god, healing your inner child, healing parts of your inner child. It takes so long I'm like it doesn't. It doesn't if you do it in the most effective way, which is through my healing modality, which is a combination of multiple things. So not only are we doing like conscious work of conversation, we are doing regression work. We are doing stuff within the subconscious mind, on a spiritual level, on an emotional level, on a physical level, about getting into the body, understanding where this stuff is trapped in our body, trapped in our mind, trapped in our soul. We are working with all three elements to be able to move this on.

Speaker 1: 13:44

And this is why activate your voice works. This is why reborn works. It's because there's nobody else out there who is offering you this one-stop shop where you can come and we can just basically get into the root of it. And you know, you could go on and you could be like, oh well, I can just go speak to a communication coach or a confidence coach or whatever and I'm like, yeah, that's cool, but guess what? They're going to teach you surface level things, where that's great and can enhance you even further once you've dealt with the inner child stuff. I do believe that those coaches are incredible, but you need to work with the deep stuff first. You need to go under and have a look at what's really underneath and what are the wounds that are there that you need to heal in order for you to take up space in your life, to use your voice without guilt, to do all of that. Really, really beautiful and incredible stuff.

Speaker 1: 14:34

So if you're like heck, yeah, activate your voice sounds exactly exactly for me, then do dm me the word, speak. I'll send you all the details at the moment and this will start in february. So this will be your one to one that will be starting in february. It's not a cookie cutter program. Basically, I get so much information from you before we start so it can be absolutely tailored to you and, trust me, after working 12 years in the criminal justice system, nothing ever, ever throws me. So yeah. So before you, we move into activating your voice, we will get all your information together and then we go into a very tailored and specific program exactly for you. So if you're just joining now, the training has been all about how to activate your voice, so I recommend you go back and have a little look at it. If you're like heck, yeah, activate your voice sounds perfect for me, then please just dm me the word speak. We'll talk about how we can work together, and I hope you have the most wonderful rest of your day.