Why you get the ick when you see romance... It isn't a personality trait!

What if your discomfort with love and romance goes deeper than you think? Uncover the transformative potential of understanding and reshaping relationship patterns that may have been holding you back. In this episode, we delve into the complex dynamics of love, highlighting how childhood experiences can create subconscious barriers to receiving affection. Join us on this journey as we challenge the notion that cringing at romantic gestures is merely a personality trait, exploring instead how these reactions can be rooted in inner child wounds.

Discover the hidden patterns that make consistent and healthy love feel like a trap, often leading to self-sabotage in relationships. We explore the subconscious tendencies formed during childhood that drive adults to find safety in chaos, making it hard to accept genuine affection. Through personal stories and insights, we emphasize the importance of surrounding oneself with positive relationship models and the ongoing effort required to maintain a solid foundation of communication and commitment. Learn how to recognize and confront these patterns, which manifest physically beyond conventional cognitive approaches.

Embrace vulnerability and sensuality as key elements in fostering fulfilling relationships. This episode highlights the importance of breaking down protective walls built during childhood to prevent fears around vulnerability and expression. Inspired by figures like Rihanna, we discuss the power of embracing one's sensuality and using your voice to articulate desires and needs. Addressing the societal pressures that discourage openness, we invite listeners to embark on a transformative journey of inner child healing, offering mentorship and support for those ready to take the step towards meaningful change. Join the conversation and share your thoughts as we navigate the path to transformative growth in love and life.

Chapters

• 0:00 Transforming Relationship Patterns
• 7:39 Receiving Love and Overcoming Patterns
• 19:08 Healing Childhood Wounds and Receiving Love
• 30:18 Inner Child Healing for Transformation

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hey guys, before we jump into today's episode, I just want to quickly mention my brand new one-off, one-time sacred love note ceremony. This is happening on the 12th of February, 7pm London time, and it's going to be online Because, if you know me, girl, you know I love love and this is the time where we look at balancing that Leo, full moon with the Aquarius sun. Okay, this is the perfect time for you to transform. So we're bringing the patterns and clarity with the Aquarius sun, and then the Leo is the courage to transform them. What we're doing is I'm calling all those people who are like success in the street but chaos in the sheets. I see you, you know you have it all together on the outside, but on the sheets. I see you, you know you have it all together on the outside, but on the inside, relationships are really hard. You may push people away, keep them at arm's length. You know people give you the ick. Your partner gives you the ick, all of this stuff. Okay, I've created this beautiful, intimate ceremony where you get to connect with your inner child, release old patterns and open your heart to the love that you desire and you fucking deserve to, because, after all, like these relationship patterns.

Speaker 1: 1:09

No matter how much therapy you've done, what, whatever you've done before clearly hasn't been working because you're still stuck in these same patterns. Right, if you want to think, holy shit, now I get it. Now I fully understand my patterns and I just, yeah, I'm so done with thinking it was me but and I'm built different to have these types of relationships. But, yeah, you're so ready to embrace this new, truer form of love, like the weight you've been carrying where you're reaching for your laptop instead of having a connection, like you just get to finally slow down, stop and exhale and really like take stock about where you are. You get this ritual to take home and to repeat any time that you want, and just that clarity of oh, my god, it all makes sense. Even though you've been in those therapy sessions, you've done the journaling, you've done everything, you're still stuck in that loop. But you get to break it with this ceremony. So if you are interested, the link is below. There are are limited spaces. Honestly, before I even released it publicly, 25% of the spaces got snapped up. So if this is you, if there's any spaces available, I would go grab one right now, because this is how you end up working with your inner child, you end up activating your voice, you end up working with those core, root issues that open up so much opportunity for you. So, yeah, let's get into today's episode. Hello and welcome back.

Speaker 1: 2:35

Today we are jumping straight in and I'm calling you out because, if you are the type of person who sees a couple being romantic maybe that's in person, maybe that's online, and then every part of you cringes, cringes. This isn't actually you getting the ick. Okay, and I did a post about this, but there's so many layers to this which I was like guys, I gotta just do a podcast on it. I just gotta do a podcast on it. Okay, because that cringe, that ick, that uncomfortable feeling which you thought was just personality trait, you thought, oh, my god, here we go, here we go. I like you know that just ain't for me, like that's, that stuff is so fake.

Speaker 1: 3:22

Christy, like you know, you might be that person who, like, when it comes to love languages, you're like I only speak sarcasm. Pda is a bit like a car crash. It feels uncomfortable as fuck. We can't take your eyes off the way that he's groping his girl. You just can't. The word soulmate, soulmate, triggers your gag reflex. You're like, oh, like, that makes me feel so gross, and you may roll your eyes so hard on relationship posts that you can see your brain like you may even go out of your way to avoid, like romantic ones, watching people again engage, watching like people receiving gifts, things like that you may just purposely like, avoid them, get irritated at them. You may be frustrated at them and you might just be like, oh for god's sake, it's just also fake, you know, and that's something else I want to call you out on as well whilst I'm here, because you know why the fuck not, uh, when you pay, when somebody pays you a compliment, and you're just like, right, I'd rather yeet myself into space. Or I'd rather just, yeah, throw myself into a hole in the ground and stay there. This is all real big things that are so common. They are way more common than you think. Right, and you might say to me kristy, but it's fake, it isn't for me.

Speaker 1: 4:33

I'm a strong, independent woman. I don't need that to make myself happy. Like and again like. This is what I could always talk about. It's not about needing, it's about wanting. Do I need a man to buy me a hundred rose bouquet? The fuck I do. Where am I gonna put it? Like, where am I gonna put it? I ain't got vows that big, but do I want it? Fuck, yes, I do. Why? Because I deserve it. I'm allowed to deserve it.

Speaker 1: 4:55

And you know, I'm just gonna come in straight, gonna come in hot, right at the beginning of this and tell you that your discomfort with romance isn't about being too independent or being a romantic or not the romantic type, or it's just not for you or whatever fucking shit excuse you want to give to yourself. It's about your inner child that learned that it wasn't safe to receive love without insert strings, insert all these different types of things like, oh, I can't give love, oh I can't receive love, sorry, without having to do this for somebody else, or I have to achieve, or whatever. It is okay. These stories that we learned as a child? Because, like these stories that we learned as a child, like it's not and like I always feel like I give parents a hard time. No, disclaimer, I'm not giving your parent a hard time.

Speaker 1: 5:47

Did your parents do the absolute best that they could with the tools, materials, resources that they had? Fuck, yeah, they did. Did they meet 100% of your needs? Well? No, why? Because it's entirely impossible to meet the needs of somebody else 100% of the time. You don't expect to do with your partner, you don't expect you to do with your friends, so why do you expect your parents to? Okay, this is the fucking flaw in society.

Speaker 1: 6:09

It was different back in the day. You know, we used to live in tribes and you'd have multiple maternal figures. You'd have multiple paternal figures, so when dad was acting a prick, you'd have a safe male you'd be able to go to in the tribe. When mum was busy and you needed emotional support, there would be an auntie that you could go to, like literally in the next hut or tent or whatever next door to you. So then you would always have your emotional needs met within your community, not just relying on one person. So people are always like oh, kirsty, but I always have a good relationship with my parents.

Speaker 1: 6:40

They did the best they could. Fuck. Yeah, they did. They did and it's okay to be like you the best you could, but it wasn't good enough for me, because I just needed more. Why? Because I'm a human, I'm a social creature. We're built to have connections with multiple people in our extended family, in our community. We are social creatures, even though our society today forces us to be very individualistic.

Speaker 1: 7:01

And why do you think loneliness is one of the biggest fucking things that are affecting our young people and affecting us as a nation right now? Here in the UK also? This is a theme in western, in western society. Like when I went to Bali, you didn't get that like you live with your parents, your grandparents, your aunt, your uncle, like everybody lives together in a really like beautiful way. You know, I'm sure they do everybody's, you know, do your head in at times, because if I had to live with my mum, yeah, it would drive me bonkers, but that's only because I'm so used to being independent, right. So like they get those family connections and they get to take care of themselves and they get to take care of their communities. So let's get that out of the way.

Speaker 1: 7:39

But the point is okay, you learned that when you were a child that love wasn't safe to receive, okay, so how this shows up for you now physically, like having a compliment can make you feel physically uncomfortable. You dismiss it, you go oh, haha, like, oh, this is just out the cupboard or I don't know, or don't be so silly, or oh, that's really kind, but you know you find a way to explain it. You don't fully accept it. You like, if there's a grand gesture, like imagine if, like your man, your partner, your whatever shows up and it's like I booked an all expenses paid trip away for you, that grand gesture that's gonna make you run. You'll be like, nah, can't be doing this again. That level of feeling uncomfortable is huge and you will sabotage relationships when they get too good. Oh, this is too good to be true. I don't believe him. You'll find faults with it, you'll pick holes in it, you'll find ways and means to get out of the relationship because it just doesn't feel safe.

Speaker 1: 8:34

When it's safe, because what happens is your subconscious mind is running the show, like if you had an inconsistent parent, if love was inconsistent as a child, where you were shown love when you achieved but, like you very rarely receive love and praise otherwise. This is inconsistent love. This is your inconsistent, like your parent being inconsistent with you. And then when somebody is showing up with consistency and getting good and like it's feeling really safe, your nervous system is going hang on a second. This has to be a trap. This has to be a trap because, like, where's the chaos, where's the inconsistency? And that is where your nervous system and your subconscious feel safe in the inconsistency right, and you cannot journal your way out of this, you cannot talk in therapy your way out of this. These are really really brilliant, brilliant ways for you to become so self-aware. You can recognize this is what you're doing. But you can't do that. You need to get into the body. You cannot, like talk to your nervous system and talk it round. It doesn't work like that. It's your bodily response to something.

Speaker 1: 9:34

Okay, your subconscious, when you're a child, is mapping out the world and is mapping out situations, and it will happily keep you in familiar hell over unfamiliar heaven. Okay, it is designed to hold you there, hold you stuck, because that's what it does, okay, so this means you'll probably feel more comfortable giving than receiving. Yeah, you love to give gifts, you love to spoil the people around you, you love to be fussy and care about them, but when it comes to actually like receiving and people doing that to you, you're like, hang the fuck on, like I don't need this, I don't want this and like I'm not going to lie. I've been here. I always used to say, oh, that's just not for me, because it was easier for me to say that to myself than to accept that I wanted it and didn't get it. Okay, and I've done this before. I'm very good at being my own like enabler, if you like. Where I'm like, where I just tell myself I don't want it, because then I lose out on the disappointment of if it doesn't happen. Right, so it keeps me safe. That's the way I was keeping myself safe and this has kept you safe for so long. When you're like oh, you know, I don't, you know, it's not for me.

Speaker 1: 10:40

Blah, blah, blah, because what would it feel like to actually desire this man to show up with a huge bouquet of flowers? Blah, because what would it feel like to actually desire this man to show up with a huge bouquet of flowers for you? What would it feel like to desire that he just drives everywhere all the time? How would it feel to desire he plans a date because he's been listening to you and he really wants to take you somewhere? Nice and now right?

Speaker 1: 11:01

If you are sat there going, men like that don't exist. Yeah, they don't exist. Because you probably surround yourself with friends who are like men are shit, men are trash. Men are this I'm in an unhappy marriage. I'm in an unhappy relationship. Guess what? You're more likely to stay single and that isn't me just saying shit.

Speaker 1: 11:16

That is me speaking from this place of research. Like, if you are in a place where your friends are divorced, you're more likely to get divorced, right, because they just find holes and pick holes with men. You know what are the people around you saying about men? Okay, what are they saying about, like, different partners? What are they saying about their partners? I promise you I cut out so many people so that I could spend time with people who are in happy and healthy relationships, right? Does it mean that they're all happy and jolly all the time? Fuck, no. Like.

Speaker 1: 11:47

I have a friend at the moment. She got married and had a baby in a year, last year and the first year of marriage is hard as fuck, but then imagine just having like a baby that's just about to turn one as well. Like it's hard and they've had to put themselves through these new relationship challenges, but they do it because they've built a solid foundation of communication and they still love each other. Their sex life is still active, all of this stuff, right, that it still exists and it still flourishes because they're in a happy relationship and they're committed to doing the work on their relationship. Because people think dating is the hard part. It isn't. Dating isn't hard, but getting into a relationship with somebody is a real project. It's a lifelong project you have to be committed to working with. Okay.

Speaker 1: 12:27

So if you're, like, already in these stumbling blocks of like okay, I, I can't even get into a relationship. This is why, like, it's really important to be focusing in on your nervous system and your subconscious. Or if you're in a relationship and you want to make it to the end of this person, you want to grow old with this person, you need to get into your nervous system, you need to get into your subconscious mind. And I don't believe that, like, society has changed and we now have more options and more availability and open relationships and all of this stuff that's available to us, right, we have all of that available to us right now and I understand, like, the temptation of that because it's instant gratification. We live in a society where we have instant gratification, okay, and instant gratification doesn't equal happiness. Happiness is those deep, meaning, fulfilling relationships that we create.

Speaker 1: 13:12

But you will constantly cockblock yourself if you're not in a place where you can receive a woman. We need to learn how to receive. If, like, you don't know how to receive, this can be so fucking hard, so fucking hard. And I've been there like, oh, I don't need anything, I can do everything myself, miss independent. Guess what? I just got burnt out and I got really resentful for it too.

Speaker 1: 13:35

Okay, I've worked with clients. They're like, oh god, I'm just so fed up of doing everything in a relationship. I'm so fed up of planning things, I'm so fed up of this and that. And I'm like, well, you're in your masculine energy. You're in your masculine energy. Like he hasn't got room to be masculine in the relationship. You've got to be in your feminine, allowing him to lead you. Okay, this isn't a natural thing. Nobody teaches us nobody how to. Why we are so conditioned to take the lead in everything now, especially through media, being that boss babe, that hyper independence shit, which, like it is shit. You get to be that boss babe at work, but when you come home, you need to de-armor and become this feminine flow version of yourself who is open to receiving. Okay, and I know this because I've done it.

Speaker 1: 14:16

Okay, I have gone from a six-year relationship where I've been like I've done everything. I planned all the holidays, I planned our dates, I planned everything and I really fucking resented him in the end and, actually, like to be honest, I don't. Like he had the persona of being masculine but he wasn't. He wasn't carrying that masculine energy. He was carrying quite wounded masculine energy because he gave the persona of being the alpha male but he wasn't. And then what? What has happened now is that I've completely shifted into like men who will drive for three hours to take me out for lunch and then take and then go home, like it meant, if men want to, they will, I will.

Speaker 1: 14:54

I remember this time I was in Las Vegas. I was in Las Vegas having a great time. I matched with this guy like this is how powerful your feminine energy gets to get, gets to be right. I matched with this guy and, um, he had just left Las Vegas that morning he lived in Las Vegas, he had gone to Utah, he'd flown to Utah and when and we just started like chatting back and forth that day, he was like girl, I want to talk to you on the phone and I'm like well, I'm not really available right now. I can maybe talk later, okay, well, I'm not easily available. I'm in Las Vegas. I'm having a good fucking time. Then I had one 30 minute conversation with this man.

Speaker 1: 15:30

This man changed his entire plan. He was meant to fly from Utah to Florida to spend time with his grandfather. What he did was he posted his trip back a day. He flew from Utah back to Vegas. He stayed in a hotel because he had Airbnb at his home. He had to get taxis because he had literally, like you can rent cars in America. I don't know how that works, but he had rented his cars, so he got taxis, like to and from the airport. Then he came in and he met me right away. He booked in a restaurant, he took me to that restaurant, he paid for the meal, he walked me back to my hotel room and he kissed me on the cheek and told me good night. We don't have contact anymore.

Speaker 1: 16:12

But at that time I was like, wow, wow, like, because this is it, babe. If men want you, and they want to, they will. Okay. So you have to erase these stories where, oh, men are shit, men are this, men are so feminine. Now, blah, blah, blah, because you have to understand, there will be men out there who are genuinely wanting to lead and be in their masculine. They just need the right woman that's going to bring it out of them.

Speaker 1: 16:35

And that doesn't mean that you chase them. It means that you work on being still and trusting yourself so much like I've thought about this, so much like what's it? What makes a woman so fucking magnetic that, oh god, she's just like this gravitational pull, like every time that she steps into the room, and it comes from deeply trusting yourself to hold yourself, to hold yourself to anything but deeply trusting your intuition through everything to be able to embrace stillness and sensuality. Okay, and if you are missing any part of that trifecta, you're not magnetic. Okay, you're not. Oh, you're going to be giving off like a fake mag, like magnetism, and then you're not going to be drawing in the right people for you, whether that is your clients, whether that is men and again, I always talk about heterosexual relationship, guys.

Speaker 1: 17:21

I don't know about homosexual, other types of relationships, I don't talk about that. I talk about straight monogamous relationships, because that's that like, that's cohort of people I work with. This is the. This is my understanding. This is from my own experience as well. Right, so you might.

Speaker 1: 17:39

You might turn around to me, to me and be like, oh, but girl, I've been so hurt before. Well, guess what? Being hurt is part of the human experience. Going through stress and trauma part of the human experience. We are evolved creatures, okay, and if we didn't need something, we would have fucking got rid of it. Do you want to know what? What we have gotten rid of so many different behaviors that the only things that we have really kept is our nervous system and sleep. We cannot function without them. Okay, so we are designed to take a level of hurt, trauma, stress because our bodies are physically built for it. Okay, and this is where we're going through this whole thing. Right, you're living in your head. Hurt, and your emotions and stuff are all living in your head. So that means then you're not getting into your body and you're not feeling your body okay. So being hurt is part of the human experience.

Speaker 1: 18:28

Now you have two choices and I'm not like, I'm not being funny with you. You only have two choices. You can choose to stick there. You can stay there. You can stay there. You can carry on attracting the same people, the same opportunities and have that gravitational pull that you currently have. You know law of attractions are the thing. Your energy is going to be attracting those things into your life. You can carry on and you can stay there. Nobody's fucking telling you to move. But if you're like I actually really don't want to be here because I want more for myself, I want to be better, I want to be the best version of myself, then you choose to move forward and to be happy. Okay, what happened to you as a child was not your fault, but it's your responsibility as an adult to address it.

Speaker 1: 19:08

Here is a pattern that has kept you safe for so long. You know like, oh, I'm here, and like you get to keep these people at arm's length in your relationships as you're dating. But not allowing yourself to desire, not allowing yourself to use your voice to ask for what you want, not you need, not allowing yourself to just sink into softness and vulnerability is your biggest cock block. Okay, and I mean you can end up in those situations if you like. But if you want to get married, you want to have kids, you want to build a life different, different energy. If you're like you may not even want that. You might just want to build a really solid, stable relationship where you're like I have somebody who is my best friend, but we have an intimate relationship that is fucking fire Right, and it's okay to want and to love and to desire sex.

Speaker 1: 19:52

By the way, like I often see like two sides of the spectrums, like where women fucking love sex and they'll talk about it, and women who fucking love sex but don't want to talk about it, and they don't talk about it because it makes them feel really uncomfortable. This often sits on, like with periods. Some women will talk very open and honest about their periods and then some women will just be like oh, we don't talk about that, okay, but being a sensual being is your fucking superpower as a woman. Why do you think that women become so irresistible? When you think of sensuality? Think of a celebrity.

Speaker 1: 20:22

The first one that comes to me is Rihanna. Now, when I think of Rihanna, I don't think of her as a dark feminine. She's that dark feminine, I guess, but I don't think of her as I don't know, like a. I don't want to be derogatory, but, like you know, that's somebody who's overtly sexual, like you know, who's always wearing revealing clothes and things like that. She's feminine and she's beautiful and she carries herself in such a way that, like it's mysterious, it's magnetic. When you might think of somebody who's like Katie Price, for example, who's overtly sexual you know she's paid to remodel da, da, da it's very, very different energy, right, and we don't necessarily want to be over there with Katie Price. Nothing wrong with being it if you own it and that's you.

Speaker 1: 21:08

For me, I want to be like Rihanna, like I want to be that mysterious, that like enticing feminine energy that is like a bit mysterious but also magnetic and you just can't get enough, like that's the energy I'm bringing to the world, like that's the energy I want to be. Also, I'm a Taurus moon. So if you're a Taurus moon, like you will really resonate with this, because this is like you really tapping into that central part of yourself which then, like, becomes part of your energy, becomes magnetic, brings you the opportunities that you need with ease and flow and grace, not pushing, pushing, pushing all the time. Okay, so I feel like I'm jumping all around a little bit about this, but, um, some of the reasons why, like, we don't necessarily show up in this energy as adults is because we learned that it was not safe to receive love. Not safe, not safe to receive full stop because of reasons.

Speaker 1: 22:00

So, for example, when you were younger, you might have learned that love came with conditions, with strings, or that vulnerability led to hurt, like, and then you just create these protective walls that keep everybody out. You might have, you know, for example, you might have spoken to your mum about how you, how you're feeling, and you were ashamed about it. You were told don't be so fucking silly. You might have even been met with silent treatment. If you're like mum, you really upset me because of this. Like you might be met with silent treatment. If you're like mum, you really upset me because of this. Like you might be met with silent treatment.

Speaker 1: 22:29

You know it might be that you feel love and praise when you're at school and you're doing really, really well and you're having that achievement, but then you don't get anything else from your parents. You might be told you were too sensitive when you were hurt. Or just grow up, put yourself together. Oh my God, if somebody ever told me, put yourself together, I'd be triggered. I'd be so triggered man, I'd be triggered. And you know, something else is like the other side of the coin. Instead of being told like you're to this. You're to that maybe you were praised for being the good girl oh, you're so good and this is because you never actually asked for what you needed or how do your needs met. So I just wanted to just really emphasize that, like nothing comes for free, it's easier to not expect than to be disappointed.

Speaker 1: 23:12

It wasn't safe to use your voice, want to be vulnerable? Not a fucking chance why? Because if I'm vulnerable, then you can use it against me. If I'm vulnerable, then, like you have the. But actually vulnerability is such a fucking strength and it is a fucking flex. So, yeah, this is why, going to the point of the episode which I've gone off on a massive fucking tangent and that was obviously just channeling I have no idea what I just said Like I opened the channel, shoom just came through.

Speaker 1: 23:40

So, being real, like the cringe, the ick, the uncomfortable feeling that is your body whispering to you, being like, well, this isn't safe, is it? Let's get the fuck out of here. It isn't safe to receive, and after all those experiences as a kid, like, of course it's not going to feel safe, of course it's not going to feel fucking safe, is it like, if you, just if you, if it was your friend and she was like oh my god, I was always told as a kid, like shut up, be quiet, don't say anything. And then now I don't use my voice in relationships or when I'm like getting to know somebody, and then I find it really hard to have meaningful connections. You'd be like, ah, rah, like I get it, like I fucking get it, like that makes so much sense. So if that's going on for you, like this is going on for so many women right now, this is why I talk so much about activating your voice, okay, and that's why I have my one-to-one mentorship about this, and that's why I have my one-to-one mentorship about this.

Speaker 1: 24:31

And even like seeing people receive PDA or like gifts or something that can even make you feel uncomfortable as well, because you're torn right. You're like torn in how you're feeling about things, because there's going to be this part of you, this deeply feminine part of you. There's like goddess energy within that is deeply craving connection, meaningful conversation. Like you know, she's probably thinking, oh, but that's not for me, but actually would be quite nice to have that big bunch of roses I've seen on Pinterest, or like to be swirled with a nice watch, or for him to like buy me a car now. These are all material things, okay, and I'm using them as examples, as big, grand gestures.

Speaker 1: 25:09

Okay, I'm not saying that you're going to meet somebody who can give you all these things, because your type of relationship depends on what type of person you are and your embodiment and how you mirror that in the partner that you, that you, receive right. But when you're thinking in your daydream about all this stuff, you could be like, oh, I'd be so lush if this happened, or if he did that, or if he showed up at my house with flowers, or if he just bought me flowers, just because. But then your old inner child programming is being like I don't trust it. They probably want something it won't last. I don't deserve it. This won't happen for me.

Speaker 1: 25:42

Why would this happen for me? Why, because it keeps you safe. It keeps you safe and, like you know, you have to understand we developed these safety mechanisms and they kept us safe for some time and now they're not working. That's okay. We get to shed them, we get to move on, we get to like it's just that easy. Yeah, I'm not saying that the path is easy, but what I'm saying is is that the option is easy. You just have to make that decision. You have to make that choice. Okay, I'm going to make this easy for myself. I'm going to just choose to choose the path of happiness. I'm not going to stick here, being in the same thing, repeating the same patterns, and the path to receiving starts by healing these childhood wounds.

Speaker 1: 26:20

Like your discomfort with romance is not a personality trait, it's a trauma response asking to be healed. And trauma isn't the biggest thing that you can think of. And something that really fucking pisses me off is when trauma gets categorized into big t and little t. Like that, like I'm a trauma specialist and I'm telling you now that is bullshit. Right, because little t is categorized as relationship trauma. Okay, or relationship experiences and I'm not being funny with you, babe like this is the most common trauma. How often is it are you getting into a life-threatening car accident? You're fucking not. But when you're confronting your mom who is like emotionally abusive neglective in you know, neglecting you she may be inconsistent like this is this is fucking everyday life. Do you mean little t, big t, little T, big T it's bullshit. If you see people talk about that, fucking run a mile because, yeah, that, like I, so strongly disagree with everything that categorizes that All trauma is equally as impactful, regardless of the situation, because we are individual people.

Speaker 1: 27:24

We experience trauma individually and something so incredible about us as humans is that we view the world in such a very unique way. It is our fingerprint. How we view our world is like our own unique set of like fantastic glasses. Okay, and if you think about an optician's chair when we have trauma, you know when you're in the opticians, you've got those funny glasses on and you start to put lenses in. It's exactly like that. When we start to have traumatic experiences, our view of the world gets distorted through putting these different lenses in in the opticians. Like I don't know why they give me such random, random ways of explaining things like why? Why my channel does that? But here we are, we work with it.

Speaker 1: 28:03

So, whilst we are trying to find that healthy relationship, find that healthy balance within ourselves to be vulnerable, to be, to be open, you know to stop telling ourselves that you're broken or there's nothing wrong with you, or you're bad at relationships, or you never get past the first day or whatever bullshit story. You tell yourself okay, you're just carrying some wounds. They need gentle attention and healing. So that's just what you need to do. You know I want you to like close your eyes for a minute, unless you're driving. If you're driving, please don't close your eyes. Use some sense. Now I want you to just imagine. I want you to take a nice deep breath in, I want you to exhale right and imagine. Just imagine for a second. You're working away on your laptop and your partner comes in and gives you a kiss on the forehead. Or you're out shopping and your phone goes and it's your partner, or it's the guy you're dating and he's just texted you. I appreciate you. Imagine you open the door to the person you're dating, to your partner. He's bought you a huge bunch of roses. Imagine coming home from work and your partner's telling you hey, babe, get ready because we're going out, and you're like where are we going out? He's like oh, we're going to that restaurant you mentioned. Two weeks ago I managed to get us a reservation. Imagine on Valentine's Day you're not met with the usual commercial stuff, but you're met with a letter about why they love you. Imagine it's your birthday and he's just said pack your bag. We're going away for the weekend, I've booked us and we're going here that place you said you liked, with no expectation to pay.

Speaker 1: 29:59

How is that feeling in your body? How does it feel? Does it feel uncomfortable? Does it feel exciting? Is it sparking that desire? What's going on in your body? Are you feeling pissed off, feeling angry? Good, feel it, because those feelings are coming up for a reason.

Speaker 1: 30:18

Right, this podcast would have sparked desire in you. Like, oh my god, I would actually love that. Sparked desire in you, like, oh my god, I would actually love that. It may have sparked you feeling uncomfortable. Damn, I feel. Seen, how does kirstie know this stuff? Why is she calling me out on my stuff all the time? You might be damn right pissed off with me. Be like who the fuck is she to tell me this? If you're feeling those things, there's your's your time to hire me. That's it. That's it. If you're pissed off, you're sparking desire or you're feeling uncomfortable, it's your time to hire me.

Speaker 1: 30:53

Because all this comes back to your inner child. Okay, your inner child is the tectonic plate that everything rests on. How you experience the world and go through life is literally determined by what happened to you as a child, whether you remember it or not. So the minute that you realize the quickest and most effective way for you to get to that next level, to get to that dream relationship, that next level at work, those next level of friendships to feel deep and meaningful, to feel sensual, to feel able to receive, is through working with your inner child. This is the most effective way, so I'm not gonna say any more on that.

Speaker 1: 31:30

I have one to one mentorship open at the moment. You can come and talk to me in my instagram, dms or send me an email links are below and if you need anything, then just give me a shout, because I fucking love talking about this topic. It is one that really lights me up, because I see so many women doing this and I've been through it myself and, honestly, you know, be the change you want to see, right? I know that sounds cliche, but it's true, and with that, I am bringing this to a very, very nice end and just want to say thank you so very much for listening. I would love to hear your key takeaways, so make sure that you drop a comment wherever you are, or just come talk to me. Hey, I'm a person. Just come talk to me. I want to hear from you, okay, so yeah, sending you loads and loads of love, and I'll