Find Your Inner Glow Podcast

Interview with Wivi-Anne Nyberg - Uncovering Your True Self: The Power of Emotional Healing and Reclaiming Your Voice

• Kirsty Harris

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In this episode Kirsty brings her profound expertise in inner child healing, revealing how women can reclaim their voices and heal from past traumas. Together, Wivi-Anne and Kirsty discuss the transformative process of shedding life's imposed layers to unveil our true selves, emphasising the profound empowerment that emerges from embracing emotional healing and authenticity. This episode is rich with personal insights and heartfelt experiences, offering you a pathway to a more fulfilled and balanced life.

Explore the dynamic interplay of feminine energy and relationships as we delve into the world of Yin yoga, nurturing, and slowing down. In a society that often prioritises high achievement and masculine energy, we highlight the importance of reconnecting with feminine qualities to enhance creativity and life-giving forces. Through personal stories, we unpack the health consequences of ignoring the body's call to slow down and nurture, urging high-achieving women to reconnect with their authentic selves and foster intimacy and self-care for true balance.

Join us on a captivating exploration of finding one's voice and setting boundaries, where personal expression becomes a beacon of liberation and healing. Through compelling stories of overcoming limiting beliefs and societal expectations, we highlight the transformative power of personal responsibility in emotional healing. Learn how embracing imperfections and self-awareness can lead to personal peace and authenticity. As we wrap up, we revisit impactful insights from our Instagram Live session, underscoring the episode's wisdom and self-help tips to ignite your inner glow and personal growth. Tune in to uncover the full potential of your voice and the empowerment that lies within.

You can find Wivi-Anne Here:
Wivi-Anne Nyberg | HOLISTIC LIFE COACH | YOGA EDUCATOR (@aya_ayuryogaacademy) • Instagram photos and videos

Yin of Life
Let the Yin of Life* heal your inner world — Ayur Yoga Academy


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Kirsty Harris | Inner Child Healer and Coach (@iamcoachkirsty) • Instagram photos and videos

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Lots of love,
Kirsty

Speaker 1:

Okay, I am live, I believe, on Instagram and, as usual, waiting a few seconds half a minute perhaps for people to join to see that I'm live, and I can see that Kirstie is with me in the space. So, yeah, and there was the invitation Before. I will let Kirsti into the space. My name is Vivian Nyberg, I'm the founder of Ayur Yoga Academy and I see that Sophie Valentina welcome and just give me a thumb up. So I know that I come out loud and clear, please. And before letting Kishti into the room, I will just give you a very brief introduction of Kishti. We met each other a few weeks ago in a program that we are in and I just looked at her page. Thanks, sophie. I looked at her account and just wow, we can do something really good together.

Speaker 1:

And many of you that know me well is that I'm very much into yin, the yin practice. But the most interesting part is because we are turning our awareness inwardly and healing that inner world. That inner inner space, for me, is so nourishing, it's so enriching, it is so to build yourself strong from the inside. That is the best way, I believe, to really walk your path and live your life fully. So I have invited Kishti to the space today, kishti Harris, from UK. She has helped very many women with different wounds from traumas. So she's, if I don't say it wrong, now she's, a trauma informed specialist and also working a lot with. I mean, I work with the emotional healing and Kirsti she works with the inner child work, which very much is connected to the emotional healing and helping women to really heal their voice, to speak out loud, to reclaim their voice and their speech. So let me see, now I can see her. She's here and now I will while she's joining.

Speaker 1:

For those of you who do not know me, yeah, the inner work is for living a fulfilled life. I believe I would just adjust my as usual camera. I have really, you know, I haven't. I just put it as it is. When I go live myself and then all of a sudden, when we cut the screen, I always cut off my hand. Hello.

Speaker 2:

I love you. So nice to see you the same the the same. I'm really longing for this talk.

Speaker 2:

And now, when I just, you know, I just saw our notes that you sent to me and I was, oh, this would be such an amazing talk honestly, I was just like, yeah, I've been like sitting here waiting for the countdown because, yeah, I know we're gonna have an amazing conversation today and yeah, I think so. Yeah, you introduced me absolutely beautifully, so thank you so much for that wonderful introduction. So, yeah, I am an inner child healer and yeah, it was 250 women in my business that I've helped.

Speaker 1:

So, yeah, you went, very many women, and I was like she's not quite sure on the number, but yeah, quite a few because sometimes we also, we, we also say less than we actually have, and I mean, I didn't know, because I know that you have been working with women for very long also in. Yeah, I mean before you went online. So, yeah, amazing. So please add what more do you want to introduce you with?

Speaker 2:

let's just make it all about me. So, yeah, I'm a trauma reform specialist, and so what does that mean is I've taught people about trauma for years. I've taught social workers, I've taught police, I've been in Parliament here in the UK. I have done so many different things in terms of talking to people about trauma, to understand it and to work with people with trauma, but also to understand trauma and to work with people with trauma, but also to understand trauma within themselves as well, and even as practitioners. You know, we hold so much space for beautiful people and they will open up to us about their trauma, which can affect us as well. So, yeah, I think for me, understanding trauma, it has just been such a life-changing experience and I'm sure it's the same for you where you just get to connect with yourself on such a deeper level and then you get to take other people there as well, which I just think is so beautiful.

Speaker 1:

Yeah for sure. Yeah, and I actually come straight from a coaching session I know you did as well. A beautiful woman in the middle of her life and I, we, we she came to me to talk about to have more balance in her life due to ayurveda. That we come into the, the emotional body, and how you can heal, and just expressing for her how much it has healed helped me myself. Yeah, you just peel the onion, coming deeper and deeper and the, the freedom and also the richness that comes with that to you know taking off the layers.

Speaker 1:

And I told her it's not that, it is, you know the funny ride all the time. Very often not, but when you have experienced it one time, two times, three times and really feel how you as a human being, as a woman, you can stand much more free, much more powerful, much more healed, much more, it's like you're really throwing away, not only throwing away the garbage, it's more like healing big wounds. It's so both healing, empowering um enriching in life.

Speaker 2:

I think and it just brings you back to your true essence. That's the point, I think. When we're born, we are born as this pure essence and then, as we go through life we are, we get layers attached to us. Oh, you have to be like this, or but you can't be like that. We get shamed for various different things, we get told we can't do things, people breathe fear into our plans and then these become those layers, right, um? And what for me, I feel like is, like you said, we're peeling back those layers so that people can be liberated, they can step into their sovereignty, they can be their most genuine, authentic self, because that is the most magnetic energy that you can have is to just be yourself yeah, fully agree.

Speaker 1:

Um, because I mean I grew up in a dysfunctional family where my strategy I was the youngest among five um, my strategy because I didn't get the attention that I needed, I didn't get the love. I don't say that I didn't get love because I did.

Speaker 1:

I know that my mom loved me very much, but my father was emotionally I don't know what it was, he wasn't there anyway. So, and I mean as a child, of course, individually, create strategies. You find strategies to get the attention that you need. Yeah, and then, depending on what you're struggling with in your childhood and just getting the attention, of course it it creates different kinds of traumas, but also different kinds of limiting beliefs, and that is one thing we will talk about today yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 2:

And something that I just love about your story is that you just own it and like you're like well, dad was emotionally distanced and by getting into the work that you do, you said to yourself like I'm not emotionally abandoning myself anymore, like by healing yourself. You're saying like I'm not carrying that abandonment wound because I did like my mum, like she did her best, like we're not here to slag off parents, because actually it's really impossible to meet a child's needs 100% of the time. This is why we used to live in tribes, so she did her best, but I did. There was a lot like left for desire, like as a child, like, and as I grew up, I like my father had abandoned me, like my mum like emotionally abandoned me.

Speaker 2:

Then I started to emotionally abandon myself as I got older. I got into these relationships with, um, emotionally unavailable partners and then I wasn't like connecting to myself and I was feeling so lonely. But then what I did was I realized that I was trying to fill this like gaping void within me with with other people. But you, you can't do that. You have to really connect back into yourself. That's where you start to like really know who you are and that's how you can activate your voice and that's how you can start speaking out and asking for what you want, not just what you need. And that comes from like owning your stuff the good, the bad, the ugly, you gotta own it, yeah yeah, and I mean it's not.

Speaker 1:

I mean, if you don't have the tools, I didn't have the tools. I mean I I took my education in emotional intelligence and emotional healing kind of 12 years ago, I think 10 or 12 years ago, and I just knew that. I mean I have always I think I always have been connected to my emotions in a way. It was not that I blocked it all off, but I didn't really. I mean, I was always charming, I was always smiling, I was always, you know, easygoing. I was always blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But I also had a lot of fear for specific emotions. I was never angry. Is it possible not to?

Speaker 2:

be angry ever?

Speaker 1:

of course it's not. I raised three kids, yeah and yeah, and even when I was young. Of course you get angry because you have very I mean, you are in your most most explorative part of your life and you have a lot of fire within you. Of course you get angry, or?

Speaker 2:

frustrated or irritated.

Speaker 1:

I was never.

Speaker 2:

None in our family was yeah, so and I think, like anger, specifically for women, is incredibly difficult.

Speaker 2:

Like, being totally honest, I'm going through something which I'm just calling like sacred rage at the moment. I don't know if it's astrology or what, but I'm just so angry at so many things. But, like I realized a long time ago that I never got taught how to be angry, I never got taught how to like, use my words to express myself and to express that anger and to express my emotions. Instead, I stuff it all down and just go oh, it's just me, or I just cry about it, or I don't ever really examine it because angry, to be angry, is such an ugly emotion, right, but if we have this full range of emotions that we get to play with and as children, like children get angry, they express it, it's done, they move on to the next thing, next thing, they're joyful, like they get it, yeah they can go from, from all kinds of, all the range of emotions within an hour or even even even less time than that, but I mean when we just suppress it into the body, and that is the main work that I do.

Speaker 1:

I mean everything is connected and when we move in with yin practice, which is slow and calm and without performing and demands yeah, of course.

Speaker 1:

And then nurturing the energy system, nurturing our inner organs where we very often store the stuff. So, yeah, and what also I realized was that even as I store it and I store it and really lock it in deep I mean the longer time it passes, the deeper it gets but just knowing that, oh, and I realized how much blockages it creates, not living the emotions out fully and heal them so much.

Speaker 2:

And what I love about Yin is that you have so many hip openers, because that is where we saw so much emotion, like as women. So, to go, I absolutely adore yin. So, yeah, I'm gonna have to just come all the way over to see you to do one of your yin classes. But yeah, so like, I absolutely love yin for those hip openers, for the, for that as well, and to actually slow down, and yin is like being in your feminine like. It's so hard. We live in a masculine world, like you work nine to five, you do this, you do that, but it's all in a masculine world. So, like, yin is perfect for slowing down into that femininity and to connect into your body, which is exactly what I do with my clients.

Speaker 2:

We do like similar work, but different techniques, I feel, in terms of like how we get into the body, we get into the energy system and we start to shake it out. We start to shake out that energy, we start to work with the nervous system, we start to make things really, really stable because we want the capacity to expand so that we can hold more. You know, we don't want to spend all day regulating ourselves and stuff. We want the capacity to expand so that we can hold more. You know, we don't want to spend all day regulating ourselves and stuff. We want to really expand where we are so that we can hold more. And I think, like it's, it's very tricky to be a woman, because it's just a walking contradiction and I think when you just say to yourself, like I am done playing the games, I am done playing like the game of society, the game of beauty standards, the game of the media, and I'm just going to anchor in and think about what I truly want, that's where true liberation comes in.

Speaker 1:

I fully agree and, as you said, I mean the. The world is run, our modern society and the world, I should say even not our Western society it is run through yang, the masculine energy, and also, as we are rewarding everything that comes from the mind, university studies, logical thinking, creating strategies, all that area of knowledge is so well rewarded it's like it has become you should be a high performer, you should climb the ladder, you should, wanting to receive more or to achieve more, absolutely, we need them both. So the imbalance, as I see it, is now huge. So the feminine aspect even I meet very often and I understand it, why it becomes like that, very often high achieving women, leaders kind of putting on a masculine suit.

Speaker 1:

They put their armor on Exactly Because otherwise they can't come that far.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

And then I just get a little bit sad actually, because I have been a CEO, I have been a leader and I was actually in the masculine area and it is hard to step in standing in that really beautiful, dynamic, powerful female energy, because that is needed. That is, in my opinion, is what we really need now, but I mean in society as a whole to be complete.

Speaker 2:

We need them both absolutely yeah, and I feel like we're not just seeing that in like work dynamics, we're seeing it in relationships as well. We're seeing like seeing that in like work dynamics, we're seeing it in relationships as well. We're seeing like a decline in marriage in the UK, a decline in pregnancies and birth in the UK, and I all think it's because this yin and yang is all out of balance. And you know what I?

Speaker 2:

What I typically see is like I see a lot of like high achieving women using this as a shield, because it shields them from intimacy, it shields their vulnerability, and it's actually like almost an addiction to a point, because like people just celebrate you all the time oh, you did this, you got that job, oh amazing, blah, blah, blah. Like you know, this is all fantastic that you've done this stuff, but really then you get to be affirmed in that, you get to anchor in that, and then you get further and further away from intimacy, from being in loving and meaningful relationships with your friends, with your partner, all of this stuff. I see like people then find it so hard to use their voice in their personal relationships and I often see as well, like maybe they can use their voice in relationships but not at work, or sometimes it's both. But the women I mainly work with are very, very good in their business or career but but just cannot connect in their relationships yeah, that is, I think it.

Speaker 1:

Everything comes down to that. They are not connected to the feminine energy really rooted, because that is what we are connected to and that is what what it is to really nurture yourself as a woman, but also nurture because you give birth to the kid, whether you do it or not. But I mean you give birth to something, you give birth to projects, you give birth to life, and if you suppress that, then it becomes something that is not you at all as a woman, because you get disconnected to the female energy. You would be disconnected to the calm, because the feminine stands for slowing down, moving inwardly, waiting, waiting for the results, not striving for the results all the time yeah, and this comes down to receivership as well, right, doesn't it?

Speaker 2:

when we are that like boss, babe, ceo, we don't accept help from anybody, we're miss, independent, we can do it all, but actually what it does is it burns your mind out, it burns your body out and then you get really sick, like I got a thyroid problem, I have pmdd and I know it's all because of chronic stress that I put my body through. And when my body was screaming at me like just slow down, I was like no, no, we're speeding up, we're going faster, when really I needed to sink into my feminine energy and now I have to have like I will go to work and I will do my stuff, and I have to do a process of de-armoring and getting into my feminine, which I highly recommend that every woman has, and that can include yin yoga as well yeah, yeah, amazing.

Speaker 1:

Please tell me a little bit more more about when it is when it comes to your inner child. Is that when you do much of the shaking and coming connecting to the, the nervous?

Speaker 2:

system. Yeah, so when I'm working with, like the inner child, what I'm really working to find is the root cause, because I think like, oh gosh, we can go to like how I see it is that people go to therapy and they have a great time and they're like I've been in therapy for a year or two years, but things are just not changing for me, like I'm getting little wins here and there, but things are not really shifting. It's because we're using our mind to move something that's stuck in the body. So when I'm working with the inner child, we're doing like various practices that connect. We use EFT, tapping breath work. I use like my own energy healing skills as well, my unique healing method, which I use to unblock energy that is stuck within the person, because it's multi-layered and something about the subconscious is that it remembers everything and our conscious mind is like 10% of our entire brain, like our subconscious is taking up for most of it. So before we even have a conscious decision about the situation in front of us, our subconscious mind has already made the decision. So you really have to get inside that to change that old operating system.

Speaker 2:

And when people talk about trauma in childhood, they're like, oh, it's like the worst thing that could ever happen. It absolutely isn't like. People talk about little trauma and big trauma and little trauma is the most common which is your relational trauma. These are those micro moments that you experienced as a child, like when you wanted to speak up at the dinner table and you were told shush, you don't matter right now, like this, doesn't matter what you're saying, or just shut up, be quiet. Like I always got told. Like just shut up, be quiet. I got told that by my teachers, I got told it by my mum because I would just get really excited and then I'd get really loud. I'm a really loud person if you couldn't tell um, so I'm a really loud person. And I was always told shut up, be quiet, you're too much, you're just, you know.

Speaker 2:

And all of these like little micro moments still stored within my subconscious. And then I would always be like right, I need to make myself smaller. I would always like not want to say the thing. I would never like connect with my partner and I'd be sitting there like hold, like all this stuff on my chest. I really want to say to him, but I just can't because I knew I'd be too much.

Speaker 2:

So it just started to like run my life all the way from those like tiny moments as a child which was the root cause of like so many different things in my life that, yeah, I always feel like going back to that root cause is really good, getting into the body, getting into the mind, and it's like what I've done with my own mentors that has now brought me to this point where I'm like, okay, this is something I help other people with, because I've seen the power in what I've been doing myself. You know, and I think, um, you know, as healers or as people that move through the world like we do, it's because we have this purpose of we want to help other people, because we know what it's like to be liberated on the other side. I don't know if that answered your question. I just went off on a complete ramp.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I was just curious because it feel. It felt like it's very similar to what I do in in emotional healing, because it's also going back to the root cause, like we want to find what negative energy or emotion can somebody feel that they have in their body and then getting them to move back. When did you experience that emotion first time? If possible, very early childhood. It can be from other life, but usually it is very early childhood.

Speaker 1:

And then wanting to heal that process, healing that situation and kind of reprogramming the emotional body to okay, you are safe now, because very often it is connected to somebody that has been close to you. It can be a stranger as well, of course, but very often it's connected to somebody that has been close to you. It can be a stranger as well, of course, but very often it's close relatives actually and they might not have problem. So you are struggling because you are blocked in your system. You can even have diseases due to you have suppressed emotions. So just healing that it doesn't give excuse for what they did at the time, but you can heal yourself. That is like that wound we say we want to heal, to be liberated, to have free energy again, to get rid of that wound, having it to be healed and then move on.

Speaker 2:

Totally. It was never your fault what happened, but it's your responsibility to change it. And I truly believe like if you're not changing, you are choosing, and like that's a really harsh statement to go by. But I'm like you know where you're living is not serving you. It's not your best that you could be living right now. You're working under these old operating systems that were dictated by your childhood.

Speaker 2:

You are an adult now. You get to choose and you get to be the most liberated and embodied version of yourself. Like this is so exciting to me. Like this is the stuff that really lights me up, because I'm like you get to show up in the world and be who you want to be like and you get to decide that. And I think you know we go through this thing of like living by our parents rules and I was quite young when I did this separation from my mum, where I separated from my mum's values and started to form my own, and like it's just the most incredible feeling to wake up and know you can say how you feel, you don't really care about rejection because you know that like you can hold yourself through any storm and yeah, it just it lights me up so much, it makes me so excited to talk about I had.

Speaker 1:

I had I this week is the last week of my 12, 12 week, my signature program, you know five. Last yesterday we had this one of my best sessions. I love the last session because then I connect all the dots and then of course we are moving in like what is it to be human? The emotional body, okay, what is IQ and what is emotional intelligence? And all those more soft subconscious stuff that I just love because without them you're actually only connecting to your physical body and your mind. Without them you're actually only connecting to your physical body and your mind, and this majority of population is orienting their lives through this. But it's so much more when you're starting to nurturing the inner side.

Speaker 1:

But that comes to the thing, one of the things that we wanted to talk about today about empowering or or really reclaiming your voice and how that can strengthen you. And we were laughing a little bit when we met because, just to give a frame what I grew up with, as I said, I grew up we were five kids, it was mom and dad and we had like a belief. I thought it was the truth, but obviously it was a truth, but obviously it wasn't belief. We're very limiting that none of us could sing, play any instrument, take a clear, nice tone, do anything artistic dancing, painting, whatever. We couldn't do that we just navigated our life from the left hemisphere of the brain, which is logical, and strategies and so on, and through my yoga career, my first yoga teacher 25 years ago.

Speaker 1:

She was very good at playing harmonio and singing mantras, and I didn't know at the time what mantra was, but I learned by her singing mantras. And I didn't know at the time what mantra was, but I learned by her. Four or five years in I went to a more deepening kind of women's circle weekend with her and she asked what do you want to do? I want to sing mantras because I just something happens within me and she said, that's nice because I wanted to do that as well.

Speaker 1:

And with that we sang for four full days and then I came back. I should have my yoga classes. I was the CEO at the time, but I had five yoga classes a week and I went back and, just you know walking we had a long haul to reach the yoga studio and I just, okay, shall I sing? No, no, yes, no, yes, was kind of arguing within myself, ending that session with when my yogis was in shavasana, I choose to sing a mantra song. And I just said, okay, everybody has closed eyes, I won't die, so, just, I just go for it.

Speaker 1:

So I did, and I have been teaching, I have been having my classes for 10 years and after that, I'm so grateful for those students. Still, it was especially three, especially one, actually, but three of them came up and they were my, you know, weekly students, and one of them just came up to me Vivian, what did you do? And I just, uh, I sang a mantra song, wow, wow, it wasn't that. She kind of you may, I mean, said anything about my voice. Oh, you sing so beautifully.

Speaker 1:

It, just, it affected me, wow, and that gave me inspiration to do more and just realize that is bullshit, that I can't sing. I have been believing this for 45 years, yeah, been believing this for 45 years. Yeah, and I started to shunt and then just seeing the experiences and or what they experienced, all my yogis, that was enough for me. I should still stay on the stage to sing. I just wanted to sing my mantras, but that's doing that two years after. Actually, I created a cd with musicians, just to you know, just put a print on myself. I can do this, yeah, and that doing that and realizing this is bullshit. This is only family frames that we put that create so many limiting beliefs and actually limiting everything that I stood for. Yeah, because that made me be more empowered to speak my truth, to be more authentic, and not that I was lying, but I was always smiling, you know, kind, of I'm fine, I'm fine, exactly, exactly.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's such a beautiful, beautiful story about how you found your voice. And, yeah, the throat chakra is is amazing and you know the the thing that really holds us back is shame, embarrassment and fear. If we own them, we get to own them, we get to own the narrative, we get to take the power out of those emotions and in that moment of like, oh my God, I am gonna sing in front of everyone, like you just went. I don't care about the shame, I don't care about the embarrassment, I don't care about the fear. I'm gonna do it anyway. And sometimes that is the biggest step that you can do to build confidence and to have the reaction that you did.

Speaker 2:

Sound is healing, words are healing. We heal people with our words and with our sound all the time. So, yeah, that's so freaking powerful. You should be so proud, because there's some people who will never get to that point in their lives where they can really open their voice and just express themselves. You know, I'm the opposite. I can't stop singing. I'm singing in the car, I'm singing in the shower, I'm singing all the time. I can't carry a tune and I know I can't, but I will anyway.

Speaker 2:

And, um, I think for me, like in terms of when I found my voice, like I fawned all the way through my childhood I just was a frozen little fawning girl who would just say yes, yes, yes, in order to keep the peace, because I just didn't want to be shouted at. That was it. And I went through all my relationships like that and it literally came to the point where I ended my six-year relationship and I had everything I had the house, the partner, the dog, the six holidays a year, whatever. I had this perfect life. That society told me that I should just be very grateful. Even my mum said to me you're never going to get it this good again, like it was very much like you have the dream life.

Speaker 2:

And I was so unhappy because I didn't have that meaningful connection and I really started to use my voice and tell him and have that meaningful connection. And I really started to use my voice and tell him and he was ignoring me. And then it got to the point where I just said one night we were sat on the sofa, I looked at him, I said I can't do this anymore, I just can't. And in that moment I completely broke because I knew my entire life was going to change now. I had to move to another part of the country. I lost my dog, I lost my partner, I lost my entire life in a different part of the country and I moved to a place I didn't know, a place I didn't really want to go.

Speaker 2:

But in that I found myself, I found what I really wanted and now I found, like, this level of being able to assert myself wherever I am, wherever I could go to like, like if I can stand in parliament and just tell them exactly what I think about trauma-informed practice and why it's really important, and about women in the criminal justice system. I was bringing that fire into my personal life. I wasn't tolerating the same person that was coming in time and time again for me. I wasn't tolerating those really rubbish friends who only took from me, who only wanted my advice when it suited them or if they needed something from me.

Speaker 2:

I, like I had to fully let go of all of this stuff to level up, and that only came from using my voice, that only came from activating my voice, speaking it loudly, speaking it proudly and just saying what I wanted, not just what I needed, because that's another trap that we fall into as women you only ask for what you need. No, we ask for what we want, and when we do, our life becomes so much happier. And I tell you what? Now losing all that stuff is all material, because the happiness I feel now, I would not give it up for the world. I was literally saying to my friends last night my life has never been as good as it is right now and I have never been as impactful as I am now because I'm using my voice.

Speaker 1:

Wow, so yeah, yeah, can you, can you, I, I? I get curious about what you said, not only asking for what you need, but actually ask for what you want.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. So, like you know, I feel like sometimes we always go, oh, ask for what you need. Well, actually, okay. So if I'm in a relationship, what do I need? I need safety, I need honesty, I need this. But actually, what do I want? I want my man to be able to open the door for me and pay for my dinner. What do I want? I want him to be able to open the door for me and pay for my dinner. What do I want? I want him to be able to emotionally communicate with me. Um, if I'm at work, what do I need? Okay, I'm not going to work to the point where I'm at breaking point and I have to just ask for somebody for help because I need it. No, actually, I know this job is going to be a big job and I'm choosing not to struggle the struggle. So I'm going to ask for that help ahead of time because I want that help, so that I don't break down so many times.

Speaker 2:

Us, as women, we go all the way and work our fingers to the bone until we absolutely can't stand the pain anymore and then we ask for help. No, we can ask for it way before. Then we get to embody ourselves embody. You know, when we know ourselves, we know our limits and capacity, we get to ask for what we want so that we don't have to burn ourself out all the time. And you know, you probably see it all the time with, like, those corporate babes who are just like killing it, but they are just killing it and they're working to 10 o'clock every night. Or we've got those corporate mums who are like they're working nine to five then being a mum and have no time for themselves and no time to be in their feminine energy and this is what it comes back to again is like that feminine energy and receivership. We're not taught how to receive. We're taught that we are people, that we are women and we should give yeah, I think that has.

Speaker 1:

Now I get what you mean and I fully agree with you. And that is where the imbalance has increased, because older times and I don't mean that it should be that way, it's not what I'm saying, but I mean old times women stayed at home and took care of family and then, we started to work, both of us, which is amazing.

Speaker 1:

Of course we should. Now we are at the point where women are really striving for performing, climbing the ladder, wanting to explore themselves, which they should do, but they don't do it first, on equal terms. Still, they have the main part of the responsibility at home. So we continue to do the stuff at home and we want to climb that career ladder and we very often more often than than I should say 90 we are doing it on masculine terms.

Speaker 2:

So we actually do work and show up even more than men do, just to be acknowledged as ah, you can really handle this stuff the things that we used to be really valued for before are things that we just get on and do now. So before, when we were valued for looking after the children, cooking all the food, uh, doing the laundry, keeping the house in check, that is just an expectation now. Then we have all the other stuff on top of like being the best mom, making sure your kids go to all those after-school activities. Then you know, and you're part of the pta and you're doing all this stuff with your children, you're taking them out every half term because you absolutely got to. Then you've got okay, but I need to be a career babe as well and then I probably need a side hustle and I need to do all these things. And the problem is, as women now we have the most right and freedom to do what we want, but we are tricked into thinking we have to do it all and we don't.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so true, I can look at myself as well when it comes to. This was long before I healed my voice. I was married to the father of my children and we were happy married, and then I came into the path with yoga and I started to change. Yeah, I started to change and, of course, since he wasn't, he wasn't interested in following, he didn't understand what I did. He actually gave me all the freedom to explore myself.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, but, also I can see to myself. I wasn't learned, I wasn't taught how to speak up, my to really use my voice, to express what I needed, and I was typically a woman, I can see that thought I had shown what I did, but I didn't say it. Yes, so it wasn't actually. Actually, I don't I'm not meaning that I'm protective or I don't want to describe anything, just what I realized. Yeah, that was the part of my personality as a young woman because I haven't been taught to speak up. I wasn't very loud, I wasn't really taking my space, but, on the other hand, I became. I was diagnosed with anorexia when I was 16 because I didn't speak out at all, so I wanted to shrink even more. I could see, I could see that as an adult.

Speaker 1:

I didn't see that at the time, yeah, but of course, and then I didn't heal that. I healed from anorexia myself, but I didn't really understand what happened. I just healed it. But I mean coming in as a woman and then started to climb the ladder. Yes, somewhere you hit the roof for what you can, what you have energy for doing yeah, totally, and I love what you said as well.

Speaker 2:

It's's like you said, I've shown him but I didn't tell him. And it's just like we feel like we're showing our partners or the people that we love, what we need, and then we're like why are you not doing it? Why are you not doing it? It's because, like, I feel like, yeah, we think we're showing them, but they don't know how to interpret that signal. So that's why it's so important as like, especially as human beings, to say the words and say what you mean, because then there's no, there's no assumption or whatever, because I'm useless at subtle hints, I'm useless. So I'm like, no, you have to tell me. But like, I have sat there and been like I have hinted to you many a times that I want this and you're not doing it and you're the problem as well, and I'm like that I've been totally honest, that's it. But then you know I had to start taking responsibility.

Speaker 2:

Like, like I think we talked about on my, on our call is like in my six-year relationship, there were multiple things that happened that led to the ending of the relationship, but part of that was me holding on to resentment as well in that relationship, like I've asked you for this once and you may have forgotten or you're not changing or whatever. So I don't say anything and I just hold on to that resentment, and resentment really kills a relationship. Resentment is like if you're holding resentment in your relationship, it's impossible to want to be intimate with them, to want to be vulnerable with them, because you're just so resentful towards them. And that really did play a big part in the relationship and I had to take responsibility for that, which was not easy because I'm like, I'm not perfect. Who said that?

Speaker 1:

exactly, but that is also very, very liberating for me, because I was like the good girl I should always be perfect. Everything that I did should be perfect so realizing when I started to heal emotionally. I'm just a human being, I don't have to be perfect, and really owning that as well is really both empowering and relieving at the same time, because I don't blame anybody it wasn't, wasn't anything wrong with him.

Speaker 1:

I walked another path or I didn't express. I mean not that, it's just we have two human beings and as long as we cannot speak out, we cannot live and body ourselves what we have inside, then it's really hard for the other person to know what to do or to meet you, because if you are not showing it or saying it, or not even maybe are aware of it yourself, what you need, yeah, then it's hard to meet that hope for that absolutely, and this is why it comes back to like knowing yourself slowing down, getting into your feminine energy, that receivership you know, knowing who the heck you are.

Speaker 2:

Like. That's where it comes back to, and sometimes in relationships we lose ourselves, right, because we get caught up in the romance and the marriage, whatever. It's normal, but you can come back to yourself at any time, like you know you have that choice and like something that like I really love about the yin of life, which you told me about, is about how, like it's not just a regular yin course, it is that emotional healing. So when you go through it, you're healing yourself, like you're, you're literally healing yourself and you're doing it on multiple layers and multiple levels and that's exactly what I do with my clients as well is like we're healing them so that they can come back home to themselves, to their true essence, and sometimes that means that people come with us and sometimes it means that people don't come with us and that can be really sad and relationships ending are absolutely I can't swear, but you know it's a bit crap, um, but yeah, so I get it.

Speaker 2:

But honestly, the peace that you feel every morning when you wake up because you're not pretending to be somebody else, you're not swallowing your words and you don't have those digestive issues or your period problems or your perimenopause. Your menopause just feels out of control because you're just all over the place emotionally, because you're just trying to swallow it all down and it's all trying to come up. Like you know the embarrassment you get when, like, you're just in a meeting or you go to a doctor's office and you just say one thing and then you just end up in floods of tears and you can't control yourself. Like one way or another these emotions come out. So I'm like, just take control of it. I'm always like an advocate for take control, take the responsibility, and then you get to heal the root cause and you get to be happy. That's it. It doesn't have to be an overly complicated experience, exactly, exactly.

Speaker 1:

And also we I mean we very often express I think that you can always change yourself, but that's the truth. You need to take your stuff, take responsibility. It's the only thing you can take responsibility for of course you're responsible. If you have kids, you have responsibility for some kind of years, but really, really deep down, you only are responsible for how you act, how you do, how you feel, and to really take control of what, and not control but taking care of what you have inside feeling that then you can be a complete full kirstie livian or whoever julia, sophie, whatever to really own what you have.

Speaker 1:

It's not that it is easy, but there are things to do with it yeah, totally, I totally agree with you.

Speaker 2:

I'm just like this conversation, like I agree with everything, it's so on the same way of life. I'm like yes, yes, you're talking to my soul, that's it. But yeah, no, like, yeah, honestly, you, you speak exactly like what I think. So, yeah, and I think, yeah, you just have a beautiful and probably more elegant way of putting it than me it's just just my limiting English, perhaps, yeah, I was going to say it's a lovely accent.

Speaker 1:

But Kirsi, please tell me how. I mean. I realized that I that wasn't a truth, that we couldn't take a clear tone, obviously, and the funny thing is, I went to I found a singing teacher that also had harmonium as her instrument and I very strange way that is another story I bought a harmonium from a girl from India, anyway, so I found this teacher helping me to learn how to play the harmonium, and then I learned.

Speaker 2:

I realized that she was a singing teacher and she also.

Speaker 1:

She loved. I mean, she was, she had university studies, came from you know this academical singing family, but she loved. She found yoga and harmonium. She loved when people sing out of feeling emotions. So I said, okay, can you give me? I want to have a session with you, just singing, just to see. Don't tell me to take an A or B or C or whatever, because I don't have a clue.

Speaker 1:

No, no no, no, no. I love when you just feel and push out your emotions and sing to that. So she just use the piano to just check how far, far down I could go, low tones and how high, and now I don't know. I can't explain it more than wow you have really huge range.

Speaker 1:

What I had as my belief that I couldn't take a tone yeah, it's really. I mean, it's just the proof of how stupid those limiting frames and beliefs that we have and grow up with. If we only can crush them and really not believing in them, it's really the first step to heal, whatever the cause is, I think.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so how do you do Because?

Speaker 1:

I? I mean, I just was curious. I got a good response and then I did the CD and now I'm singing every other class, but that's another. I mean, but how do you do I mean really to find when you help people to hear the voice?

Speaker 2:

you gotta find out what's important to somebody, because you have to understand like they, their core values and who they are like. They know this, they know what lights them up. And then you start to think, right, here are your core values, where are you out of alignment with this? Because if honesty and transparency is really important to you and it's a core value, and when you're not honest and transparent, you feel really icky for one of a better word, um, you will go into work and where you, where you have to like lie or withhold information, whatever you're, you're not going to feel like in your true essence. You're not going to feel like you're in a place where you're being aligned with your values. Right, that creates that friction, that creates like moral injury is what we call. It is when you're forced to do something that your organization wants you to do but it's against your morals. So we have to figure out where you're out of alignment in this and what is tolerable and what isn't. So that's where I start.

Speaker 2:

Then we start to kind of explore relationships. So we explore the relationship with the mother. The mother line is so, so important for women. It carries all of our trauma, all of our generational stuff. So we start to work with the mother line, then we work into father, because that will carry its own set of wounds as well. And again, it's not about slagging off parents and being like you had shish parents can't say that on instagram, oh well, um it. It's not that you had terrible parents, it's just that they didn't meet 100 of your needs. And it's impossible to meet 100 of your needs. That's it because we don't live in tribes anymore. It's impossible for one or two people to meet your entire needs as a child, especially if you have siblings. So we go through those relationships and then I go through intimate relationships.

Speaker 2:

So the times that maybe with that your mind has consented but your body hasn't, you know, like the whole, oh yeah, I'll just do it to keep the peace. I'll do it because that's what girlfriends do or that's what wives do, all of that sort of stuff, unpacking those emotional experiences. And you know, you gotta think it's like one in three women experience s harassment here in the UK. I believe that is an incorrect statistic. I believe that every woman will experience it at some point in their lives and this impacts on us and on our and in our throat, because our throat chakra has a direct line straight down to our cervix as well. So if we are having problems with our voice, we're going to be having problems down there, and if we're having problems down there, we're probably having problems with our voice. So it's an energy exchange.

Speaker 2:

So that's why I really like to get in and pull back those layers and be like, okay, when all the times that you felt unsafe, let's look at that, let's change it, let's remodel it, let's get into your nervous system, let's get into your subconscious, let's teach you what makes you feel really, really freaking safe so that you can use your voice. It's all this stuff that goes behind it. You know we see people online all the time or just communicate better. I'm a communication coach or I do this or whatever and I'm like that's brilliant, but that comes later. You know these communication people, the like public speaking coaches and stuff. They have a very good place in the world, but they come after you've healed the root cause. In my opinion.

Speaker 2:

I get it powerful sounds, but I didn't know that, that it was so close to connected yeah, like, even like the throat and the thyroid like look very similar to the cervix as well. It's absolutely mad like our bodies are so intertwined and interconnected and I just wish that more women knew that because, like we get told, like intimacy, to be a sensual woman is really bad, because if you wear too many clothes then you're covered up and you're like you're no fun. But if you have too much skin out, then oh my god, you're like, you know, the worst person you're in, you're a slut. I don't know if I can say that on social media, but yeah, you know, you just get shamed for a lot for that, and then you get shamed. If you do, you get shamed. If you don't so then you get to carry all this shame around with you.

Speaker 2:

And I swear to god, every time I post about shame, like nobody interacts with it at all, because everyone just goes. It's such an ugly thing to talk about, but shame could be one of the biggest things of like why you're not receiving, why you're not using your voice, why you're not showing up as yourself, and again it comes back to owning it. We live in a world of polarity. Like the sun needs the moon, the light needs the dark we. We need to integrate all of that to just be our true, authentic self yeah, shame is one of the most low vibrating emotions.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it's very, very draining, very draining and very. It's like a downward spiral, totally. So it is guilt and it is shame. And guilt is not as low. Yeah, it's a little bit higher frequency because that is about what you do. You have guilt for you did the wrong thing, so to speak, but the shame is more connected to your personality.

Speaker 2:

I'm, I'm not good enough, yeah, yeah. And like the amount of women I speak to time and time again who say I just don't feel good enough, why I don't feel worthy enough, but why I'm like it goes back down to shame. And when I do my energy clearings, when I do like my activations, I always find guilt and shame on the left-hand side of the throat as well. That's why I find like collections of guilt and shame energy. So it's all centered around the throat.

Speaker 1:

Around the throat, the left-hand side female.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's on the feminine side as well. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:

Yeah hand side female.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, it's on the feminine side as well. Yeah, yeah, so yeah, yeah, wow.

Speaker 1:

This was for me, it was an amazing talk to have with this chat together, so I hope it was really valuable for those listening. And yeah, what are you? How can? Can people reach you?

Speaker 2:

um, so yeah, just follow me at I am coach kirstie, just follow me at IamCoachKirstie, just follow me over there. I'm always dropping shame bombs over there. So if you want to get, so yeah, I'm probably Nobody's going to follow me now, but no, I do talk more around like relationships. I do talk more around like how your inner child shows up in your adult life and what it can be blocking you from. So yeah, if that's kind of like how people want to get in contact with me, that's absolutely perfect. And yeah, I'm guessing for, like the people who are following me, how do we contact you?

Speaker 1:

yeah, so best is here on instagram, ayah ayah yoga academy, but also signing up for my new service can be a good way to just keep, because I my larger program is starting in the fall, so it's far away, but I mean to have if you want to start to heal emotionally, if you want to live a more balanced life, connect that way. So, and also a dm, if I mean it can come up questions about this, so just dm us, either me or kishti that is welcome.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, absolutely always open to have a conversation and, yeah, this conversation has literally lit my soul on fire. Thank you so much for just the most amazing conversation and I'm so glad that we recorded it because it's just like I feel like there's so much in here that people just really need to hear.

Speaker 1:

So yeah, thank you so much for having me. Yeah, of course, and I will share this. Uh, kishti, and please can you just go in and write, because I forgot to write down your podcast, if people want to.

Speaker 2:

I mean, you have other interesting topics, other self-help conversations, so you can write that in the comment or just go in and send it to me, all right yeah, it's called find your inner glow, so I will be uploading this onto my podcast as well so you can listen to it again in your ears as you're going about, because I think like people need to listen to this podcast, like this instagram live more than once, because it just had too much gold in it thank you so much.

Speaker 2:

Thank you so much, send you so much love. Bye. Thank you so much, kishti. Thank you so much. I send you so much love.