What Alignment Actually Means and How to Build a Fulfilled Life (The No BS Method)

What if you could unlock a level of fulfillment and motivation that makes every decision, big or small, seamlessly align with your deepest values? In this compelling episode, we dive into the powerful concept of alignment and what it truly means to have your actions, beliefs, values, and goals in harmony. From hitting the gym to building a business, we explore how living true to your core values can make everyday choices more meaningful and transformative. Understand the importance of taking radical responsibility for your actions and avoiding external influences that can steer you off course.

Have you ever felt the turmoil of staying in a relationship that doesn't resonate with your true self? Join us as we share an emotionally charged journey of ending such a relationship and the transformative power of trusting one's intuition. Hear about the pivotal moments that led to a life filled with happiness and purpose, and learn why making decisions grounded in your core values is essential to avoiding burnout and dissatisfaction. This chapter will inspire you to trust yourself and take calculated risks for a more fulfilling life.

Finally, we offer a roadmap for achieving alignment through a concept we call "soul mapping." By reflecting on your core values, passions, and long-term goals, you can create a life that positively impacts your physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. We outline actionable steps like setting up routines and changing environments, and discuss the benefits of seeking support from a coach. For those eager for rapid progress, we also introduce an intense, focused approach to transformation, inviting you to connect with us for a journey toward a more fulfilled and aligned life.

JOIN MY FRICTION TO FLOW MASTERCLASS:
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Chapters

• 0:03 Understanding Alignment and Finding Fulfillment
• 9:45 Transformation Through Alignment and Intuition
• 20:16 Achieving Alignment Through Soul Mapping
• 24:33 Accelerated Transformation Journey

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:03

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, wherever you are in the world. Hello, Today we are talking about alignment. So this is a word that just gets banded around all the time, but let's talk about what it actually fucking means and how we can actually know when we're in alignment in our life and when we're not. So people define it in all different ways. They make it overly complicated, but for me, what does alignment actually mean? It means that alignment refers to when a person's actions, values, beliefs and goals are all in harmony with one another. Okay, so this involves living in a way that is true to yourself, where your personal behaviours, the things you do in your spare time and decisions reflect your core values. Okay, because when you take action from your core values, you get such a deep sense of fulfilment and purpose and this is the key to long-term motivation. Right, if you're building a business, if you're going to the gym, whatever it is okay. If, for example, you're like I just want to go to the gym to get skinny, well that's great, but where does that fit into your core values? Do you actually truly value being so healthy that you want to be around for your children for as long as possible, or you want to be able to be so active in your 70s and 80s that you can do anything. You can travel the world if you want to. That's a much different why, okay, and that links into your core values.

Speaker 1: 1:30

If you want to build a business because you want money, okay, but where does that link into your core values? Well, you know, for me, it's freedom, it's independence. I want to have a business that allows me to be anywhere in the world, that allows me to come and go as I please, to really fill up my own cup and to just do what I need to do when I want to do it, when I take that inspiration and I can action it right away. That's what, like, my core values are. That comes back to the freedom and liberation that comes with that type of lifestyle and that's what gets me up at 5am when I need to get up and do the fucking jobs I don't want to do. Like today I'm going to sit here and I'm going to do my accounts, which I don't want to fucking do, but I'm going to do because I'm not going to wait until January to do it. Okay, I'm going to do it this week and I'm going to start today because I'm a good girl and that's what I'm going to do.

Speaker 1: 2:21

But you know, the motivation to do that would be a lot less if I didn't have my core values in place, which is about how I want to feel, like how I want to feel, how I want to work. I know the best way for me to work because I had my human design right and I was like, oh, this makes so much sense. This is actually how I'm set up to move and how to be. So if you're not a human design reading, I freaking highly, highly recommend um. So let's just recap that really easy, because I'm turning into one of those people who is making it compliment. Okay.

Speaker 1: 2:53

So you need to know your core values because your core values will shape your beliefs, your beliefs will shape your action and the action will give you that fulfillment. Now I'm all about radical responsibility. So if you are saying to me, kirsty, I don't like this, I don't like this in my life, you need to change it. It's not about what happened, it's not about being a victim and everyone slags off victim mentality but, like I always say, it's the point of survival. Like, as a child, you may have needed to be in that victim mentality, to survive your childhood, to get through everything that you did to get up to this point. But guess what? It's no longer serving you now and this is why we have to change and this is what I do directly with my one-to-one clients. Because it has to change.

Speaker 1: 3:37

Okay, so if there's a chink in the chain, if there's a gap between your core values, your beliefs, your action and fulfillment, this means you're not going to be in harmony with yourself. You're not going to be in harmony, and this is what it means to be not in alignment. Okay, so say, you have a job and at work you find it really hard because you don't have the time to truly help people, when helping people is part of your core values. Okay, so at work, when you have to rush through the clients and not really give them the help and support, you're so preoccupied with all the admin stuff that you actually have to do that you end up just feeling really shit and not productive and a bit of a failure at your job. Why? Because that's not in alignment with your core values. You probably joined that job to help people, but now you're not able to do that.

Speaker 1: 4:24

Okay, so this is where you can see real life examples. And you know, one thing I really really want to talk about, and that's if you do not know your core values, if you do not know who you are, the world will tell you who you are, and I want us to talk about this a little bit. So let's have some examples. Right, we are school teacher told you that you were really good at art, so that must mean you're creative. Right, you're obviously an artistic expression person who loves it. Your parents said you were a great dancer and that made you feel safe to express yourself, again, reaffirming this like oh, I can be creative and I can express myself. Your friends tell you that you're confident. So you walk into the room like your life and soul are the freaking party when you're with them, because you're like I'm the confident friend, hey, but all you can see here is the trajectory that has shaped that, that life for you. Okay, you had a teacher that believed in you, your parents who were supportive. Your friends told you that you were confident. So, of course, you're going to be expressive, creative and you're going to be confident.

Speaker 1: 5:25

Okay, but this you know, not all of us are lucky to have those, you know, those high people in our lives. So let's look at it on the other side. So you you, maybe you didn't really understand a particular subject and you got. You had to ask loads of questions to understand and you would often be made to feel embarrassed in front of the class because you're asking so much questions and their teacher makes you out to be a bit of a problem, sending you out of class feeling like you're really disruptive. Your mum doesn't have time for you. She's a single mum. She's working all the time. She just hasn't got the emotional capacity to be there for you when you're coming home and you're feeling upset because you're feeling stupid at work. So you're feeling ignored. Your friends tell you how starting a business is stupid. Why would you want to do that in this economy? You know, and this makes you doubt yourself and doubt your gifts that you have to give to the world.

Speaker 1: 6:15

So let's look at this example. You become troublesome and disruptive, which is seen as a negative thing. You were kind of ignored when expressing your emotions and feelings and your ability to expand in the world. Your friends tell you that you're stupid. You know why would you want to do that? Like, oh my god, this just reinforces that, this idea of being stupid, this idea of like not being good enough or having to be ignored, or actually you don't really matter and this is how the world can shape our story for us, okay. But this is where you need to be the main character in your story. This is where you need to be able to go back and rewrite the script. This is what I do with my one to one clients because, as you can see, like you are at the mercy of your environment.

Speaker 1: 7:01

Sometimes, if you do not know who you are, you end up getting caught up in all the things that you should do and drowning out what you do, what you want to do. So, for example, I had a client who was exactly like this and she had lived her whole life doing what other people thought that she should do. So she went to university when she didn't want to. She worked a job that made her miserable she and stressed for most of her life, and then it wasn't until she was much later in life. She was like, actually, I really don't want to do this.

Speaker 1: 7:28

And then she started to like, look at her life and look at how unaligned her life was, because she realized the friends that were putting her down, the people at work who were draining her energy, all of this stuff just wasn't in alignment with like who she wanted to be in her true vision. So this is where, like, I helped her through that transition period of like right, let's go. Let's remove what doesn't align, work out what does align and move forward from that. Like, every action that we take now needs to come from core values. And when she started to realign with that, she started to be a lot less emotionally invested in work, so she wasn't getting stressed out anymore. She started to really grow in confidence and then she started to really follow her intuition about her business and how she was going to set this up and how it was going to come from a place of like being a heart-led, soul-based leader, not just being like, yeah, I'm going to get, I'm going to set this business and make money. So this was like a massive transformation that we did in just like 12 weeks. But yeah, I have a brand new thing coming, which is going to be called something again. It's really brand new. But this is going to be a condensed process of how we can take you that, not only in 12 weeks, but eight weeks. So, yeah, I'm really really excited about this.

Speaker 1: 8:39

So keep an eye on my socials because you know I'm a social girl. So I have one question to ask you. I want you to take a nice deep breath in, I want you to exhale and I want you to ask yourself are you living the life that you want or are you living the life that others told you that you should? I know that's a hard-hitting question, but it's really really important for you to understand, because I can tell you I did that life as well. So you know I had that, that three-bedroom detached house with a partner, with a dog, working part-time, driving around in an Audi Q2, doing whatever I wanted, money in the bank holidays, like five times a year. But you know what? That was the life that other people told me I should want, and I was with somebody who who like on paper amazing, but had no ability to emotionally connect with me. And even when I came to breaking up that relationship, somebody told me this is the best thing that you'll ever have and that actually kept me in the relationship for a period of time, because I was like, oh my god, what if I am about to throw away.

Speaker 1: 9:45

And like every day, that feeling in my stomach got worse and worse, that repellent got worse and worse, where I was like nah, like nah, like this isn't this, ain't this, ain't it, this ain't it, it really isn't. So I was just like, right, okay, okay, let's chill, let's think about this. And then it came to like one january evening we were sit, they're sat there on the sofa and you know, we're on our phones. The have sat in the living room. That I fucking hate because he never would decorate with me. And I'm looking at him. And it just came out and I just said I can't do this anymore. And he was like me either, because it was a mutual thing, right, it was a mutual thing of us. Like not wanting to to do it, we were just deciding like okay, I can't do this anymore, like I really can't do it anymore and that's okay. Like it wasn't that we were bad people or the life that we had was bad.

Speaker 1: 10:43

The the biggest thing for me was the change. I really struggled with the change. That was really difficult for me. But then, as I transitioned into like this two bedroom apartment in Newport with a tow to Igo no dog in a place I didn't know anybody. It was really hard, but actually now this has laid the foundation for me to do the things that make me so happy every day. I never would have had this lifestyle with him and I'm so freaking grateful for it. Okay, because I get up, I do what I want, I work a job that I fucking love, I have a business that makes me really happy. Like I do all of these things where, like I really help women get into alignment with themselves, to help with that inner child, to work on tapping into their intuition, like I have an incredible, incredible life now that I never would have had.

Speaker 1: 11:32

If I had continued to live in alignment, guess what? I never would have been happy, that relationship would have broken down here, there or whatever, because you know I it would. I wouldn't have stayed. I'm just I'm one of those people who like, can't stay if it's wrong, like I just can't. My intuition that repellent, like I can't have stayed. I'm just I'm one of those people who like, can't stay if it's wrong, like I just can't, my intuition that repellent, like I can't. And it's like a blessing and a curse, right, because I get this thing where, like I really can't do this anymore. I really can't, and it becomes repellent and I just kind of want to push that thing further and further away. But yeah, it's one of those things, babes, and I can't explain it. But what I can say is that moving on from that situation was the best thing ever.

Speaker 1: 12:12

I'm four years away from it now and, you know, four years ago I thought I was making the biggest mistake of my life and now I can really truly see that this is me being in alignment. I'm waking up every day happy. I'm feeling up, you know, feeling up again. I'm every day like, excited about my job, about my life, about about things. There are things obviously I'm not happy with that are not in alignment right now, but that's fine because I'm working on pushing them into alignment, because I've literally just recently burnt down everything in my life, my relationships, my business, everything is starting from scratch again and I just absolutely feel like a phoenix rising from the ashes and I know that sounds so dramatic, but, babe, I feel like a fucking phoenix right now. I feel like I'm on fire. I'm so excited to do things, I'm so excited to share my knowledge with the world, I'm so excited to develop these new things for me and I I really, really, really, really cannot advise this enough like to be able to take that calculated risk.

Speaker 1: 13:10

But the calculated risk comes from confidence as well. Okay, it comes from building that trust within yourself because you think, oh my God, am I doing the worst thing in the world? The answer is no, you're not, because you're listening to yourself and you're trusting yourself. Again, like I said, I'm going to do an episode all on intuition and how to know what your intuition is, when your emotions fuck with your intuition and everything that's coming. Um, because I feel like that's something. But I really wanted to start with alignment first before moving in and moving into intuition. Wow, try saying that fast anyway.

Speaker 1: 13:41

So we've kind of touched on why alignment is so important. Okay, we get a greater sense of clarity, purpose, fulfillment, and that's what life is. Okay, the meaning to life is to enjoy this experience, to have your clarity, purpose and feel fulfilled in every single fucking day. Okay, other than, like serving other people, feeling resentful, feeling sad, feeling stuck in a relationship because we don't have the money to do anything else. Like, our decisions become more intuitive when we are working from that place of our core values, from alignment, from that purpose and fulfillment. Okay, we have a stronger connection to our true selves and I feel like that's a real big reason why people in society today are so fucking miserable is because they have no connection to their true selves.

Speaker 1: 14:26

Okay, so when we are out of alignment, we are going to feel stuck, conflicted, disconnected, stress, dissatisfaction and even burnout like absolutely burnout. Like burnout is a mad concept to me, because I've been there and I've done it, so I understand why. Like you, get like it, but do you know what I think about it? And I'm like, wow, okay, I completely destroyed myself as a human for a company that would replace me tomorrow, like that. I know that sounds really harsh and jarring, but it's the fucking reality of the situation. We get caught up in this capitalist society and I'm not going to get on any soapbox about that, but we do.

Speaker 1: 15:00

We come up with this. We have to work a job, earn this much money, have these things, okay. But again, is that what you want or is that what you've been told you should want? Is that what Instagram told you you need? Is that what your mum has kind of instilled in you because she didn't have it herself. You really need to think about this, okay, and where these personal beliefs come from. And your core values need to be what you want, not what you do to serve others, because that's a real big key as well. Again, I go through that with my one-to-one clients. So when we are in alignment, okay personal growth, wow. We grow authentically. We stay true to ourselves, we value our beliefs okay.

Speaker 1: 15:39

When we're not in alignment, it completely stunts our growth. We have no confidence, we have no energy, like I was literally talking to somebody yesterday and she was telling me about how she really, really, really wants to travel and all of this stuff, but she can't because she's here to look after somebody. And I'm just like you, your life is for living. You do not want to look back on your life and like regret not doing the thing. And we talked about it for a while and I got a bit pushy in the end because I was like you need to do it, like quit the job that you fucking hate, go traveling, go do the thing. Like and the I could see her like recoiling in and being like I cannot do that. And it's because we have all of these multi layers of things of what we should and what we shouldn't do, okay, and this is where, like, we have to peel back those layers in order for us to get to the core of us and then we can open like a flower. So, yeah, we are these little buds of, like, beautiful core values, but our petals are not fully open because we're in a space that's crammed. So we need to move away those things that are blocking our growth In relationships.

Speaker 1: 16:43

When we feel aligned, you're walking away from your friends with, like, a cup that's full. You're like, oh, that was such a great, great experience. And then you know, with that, you're like, how amazing was that experience? I feel great, like the coffee that we had. I'm feeling really excited and energetic. Not, oh my God, that person talked all about herself for the entire hour, didn't even ask who I was and I didn't even get a chance to get a word in or a wee, because I've sat at the table with three coffees in thinking, fucking hell, I really need a wee. And I've been there too. Babes, like you know, I'm talking about this from my own experience and from client experience. Okay, why? Because I've been through it. I've been through it and now I'm here and I'm at the forefront saying been there, done that, got the really shit t-shirt that shrank in the wash and I want to do something different and I want to show you how you can do it.

Speaker 1: 17:31

When we're in alignment with our career, like we find so much satisfaction and motivation and talk about this all the time, we're like I'm really excited to to do something, I will pull up my LinkedIn, I'll write the post. I'll have Instagram where I'm ready to like um, really jump in and just right, I need to post this on stories and it'll be like bam, bam, bam bam, like it's there, like it's there and it's creative and it's flow and it's beautiful. Right, I'm not stuck doing jobs I really don't wanna fucking do, because this is what we do, right? This is what we've been conditioned to do. Or we all do a job that we don't like because that gives us the money to do the things that we do like, but in the process of doing the job that we don't like or raising a business that we're not in alignment with, then we just become redemptive and bitter. We have no emotional or physical energy to do the things that we actually want to do, and then we wait for retirement, which is what 65 or more, I don't know. And then we've got poor health because we've not managed our health or prioritized it, because we didn't have the energy, and then we die not doing anything that we really wanted to do, or we end up with dementia and all of our money gets swallowed into care homes. So this is why I really advocate for living now, living sensibly, but living now Okay. So signs that we are out of alignment. We've touched on these, but I just want to make them really fucking crystal clear. You feel disconnected from your goals, passions, the people around you. You could live in a house full of people, but feel alone as fuck. Okay, you could have a big friendship group, but you feel alone. You may go to work every day feel alone. This is the lack of connection to yourself, the lack of motivation. You struggle to get motivation or enthusiasm for anything. You kind of just want to go home and doom, scroll on Instagram until the fucking night is done and then go back to sleep and wake up and do the thing again. You may have inner conflict, so you may say like, oh, I really want to do this, but I know I should do this or I should do that. Again, it's the word should. The word should should be banned from the English language. I'm banning it now. Queen Curcia said the word should should be fucking banned. Okay, what you want to do is what you want to do. Like I have something coming up now and I'm like, oh, I like you know, I'm not going to be in alignment doing it, but I am going to do it because it fits in with my core values. So, for example, I'm about to go to a party. I don't want to go. I don't want to go. It's not in alignment with me, I don't like the activity, I don't like anything, but I'm going to go because it's in my my core values to be a good friend. Okay. So, even though I don't want to, it's in my core values to show up and be a good friend. So that's why I'm going, okay. And yeah, I have my exit plan planned, but I'm going to show the love and care and affection for my friend. So okay, um, so you know, those are some real key things.

Speaker 1: 20:16

You might have physical symptoms. Stress, fatigue, other physical symptoms can really turn into illnesses or ailments when we're out of alignment. Louise Hay, how to heal your life? Oh god, even if you don't buy the book, go and have a look at the directories of, like emotional, emotional causes for physical illnesses and it'll absolutely blow your fucking mind, I promise you. I read that book and I was like, ah, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, makes sense. Why did I have so much sinus problems? Is because things were really getting up my nose at work and then, when I left that job, I've never had a sinus infection.

Speaker 1: 20:53

Yes, this is how big alignment is. It not only affects you on a spiritual and emotional level, it affects you on a fucking physical level. Guys, like, seriously, so how do we achieve alignment? How do we even start with this big, big thing that is alignment? Okay, self-reflection what are your core values? What are your passions? What are your long-term goals? What is your core value? What is your vision for the next 12 months? What is your core value? What is your vision for the next 12 months, what is your why and what's the action that you're going to take to do that? If you're like kristy, I have no idea where to start with that.

Speaker 1: 21:25

Then I have my soul mapping sessions, which are perfect because we do all of those things, um, and I always found like it was easier to do this with a person. This is why I created it, because I used to used to really struggle with action and be like okay, well, I know where I want to be, so how do I get from A to B and how do I and how do I work that out? I always used to struggle with that. But again, when we've got the core values in front of us, when we've got our vision in front of us, when we've got our our why, like, why are we doing the thing we? It's a lot easier to schedule your actions from there. Okay, because the actions you're going to take between now and then are going to be huge, because you have a clear vision, right? So I just want to say, yeah, soul mapping sessions, which are linked below, will absolutely do this for you.

Speaker 1: 22:13

Set your intentions, okay, clearly. Define what alignment looks like for you. What is it you know, with your values, with your aspirations, like, be very clear. Not no wishy-washy, not that, oh, that would be nice. It's not that I want this because, okay, take action, the actions that are aligned with your intentions, if you finally want to set up that business, if you finally want to leave your job. If that's it, make, make the fucking routines, make the habits, even change your environment. If that's changing up where you live, changing the layout of a room, if that's going on holiday, if that's moving to a different place, like moving to a different country, moving to a different state, whatever it is, do it.

Speaker 1: 22:53

Listen to your intuition, because your intuition is a gut feeling, it is that inner voice and often will guide us towards alignment to what we really want. That's our soul talking to us. That's our soul being like hey, hun, I got the answer and you know what. You already have the answer. You don't necessarily need to like have somebody who's going to give you this huge business strategy or whatever. You already know the answer within. Okay, you already know what feels good for you.

Speaker 1: 23:20

And obviously, like seek support, get some support from a coach. Oh, that's me, hun. Um, and support you on the alignment journey, because sometimes it's really good to have that outsider perspective, because what we're doing is we're working with the conscious and the subconscious mind. But when we are working with the subconscious mind, it's really hard to turn off that conscious mind, to tap into the subconscious. So then, when you know, because our conscious mind will often shut down our subconscious mind, so balancing the two yourself can be particularly difficult. This is why it's always good to get somebody to help you to draw out the stuff from the subconscious mind and also help you change your perspective in your conscious mind. So that's kind of it for me. Today.

Speaker 1: 24:02

Alignment is such a powerful concept that can really really transform your life in just so many ways. Like it just. It makes you more authentic, it gives you greater joy, fulfillment, and I'm not gonna try and sell you on it any more than I already have. If you're like, oh my God, I absolutely need this, you can literally come and work with me on this. I'm designing a program now and by the time this podcast comes out it's going to be live. I've designed a program which will literally push you into alignment in eight weeks.

Speaker 1: 24:33

This is intense work of two calls a week and so much more stuff to add on to making sure that we make that shift. And we make that shift quick, because I know you want results. I know you want that result to be like yeah, I wanted it yesterday. Because, if you're like me, that's exactly what I want, I want. I want it to be like intense. I want it to be done. I want to get through it in the next eight weeks. I want to get it absolutely smashed. So, yeah, that's kind of the idea behind it, and all the full details will be up on my website, which is linked below. And, as you know, guys, come connect with me on LinkedIn, come chat with me. If this episode resonated for you, like, let me know, slide in my dm, send me an email. Absolutely, absolutely love to hear from you and sending you loads and loads of love and wishing you loads of joy and fulfillment in your day. And, yeah, I will see you next Monday.