Why Not Speaking Your Truth is Making Your Pu$$y Dry AF.

Are you a high-achieving individual excelling at your career but struggling to express your needs and desires in your personal life? In this eye-opening episode, we delve into the fascinating link between your voice and sensuality, exploring how the ability to communicate freely can enhance your intimate relationships. This podcast discusses the emotional blocks that inhibit true self-expression and how they can lead to disconnection in your personal life. 

The discussion unfolds with real-life insights and engaging anecdotes that highlight the importance of understanding how feelings of shame, guilt, and vulnerability impact our ability to connect intimately with our partners. We encourage you to reflect on childhood experiences that may have silenced your voice and discover methods to reclaim that power today. By learning to speak your truth, you will not only create a safer emotional environment but also significantly enhance your intimate experiences.

As we explore the energetic connection between the throat and womb, listeners will gain a profound understanding of how emotional wellness translates into physical pleasure. This insight will help you break cycles that have affected your intimate relationships for generations, allowing you to embrace your authentic self fully. Ultimately, the episode serves as a guide on the importance of open dialogue in fostering intimacy and re-igniting passion. 

Join us on this transformative journey, and empower yourself by discovering how communication holds the key to enriching your intimate life. Don't forget to subscribe, share, and leave a review for more insightful episodes!

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Voice and Sensuality
• 6:02 The Impact of Suppressing Your Truth
• 23:05 Communicating Sensuality: From Work to Home
• 50:11 Identifying the Disconnect in Relationships
• 1:26:05 The Energetic Link Between the Throat and Womb
• 1:52:30 Nurturing Authenticity for Greater Pleasure

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

live podcast where we're going to be talking all about the connection between your voice and sensuality. As you can see in the file, it says why not speaking your truth is making your beep dry as fuck. So, for the purpose of today, we will be calling our vaginas our pussy kitty, because I know that Instagram will not like this, so I'm just going to along with it. So right, this podcast is specifically for you guys. If you are that person who is at work, hello, thanks for joining. This podcast is for you. Is if you're that person at work who is just owning it. You, you know, you've got your business, you've got your work, you've got your clients, you've got your business, whatever you're doing, but you do. Hello, coach. But yeah, um, sorry, I'm gonna ignore the comments for a minute, because otherwise I'm just gonna lose my train of thought. So, yeah, this podcast is for you if you're like that high achieving babe.

Speaker 1: 0:53

I'm talking to these women who have it all together, or seemingly like they have it all together. They're in the you know, in the boardroom. They're owning it, they're making presentations, they're closing deals, they're able to have conversations with their bosses about being able to have a pay rise, but when they get home. It is literally like radio silence, like you and your partner are just not connecting on that level, or you're a single lady and you're just dating people all the time and you're just not moving forward with who you're dating. You're just dating the same man, but in a different body. If this is sounding like you, then this is going to be for you guys. Okay. You will find yourself like in a position where, in your personal relationships, you're swallowing your truth all the time. You're lying awake, you're rehearsing conversations, you're saying all this different stuff where you really want to express your true desires, but you, you just got that lump in your throat, like why isn't it coming out? Like why can't I just express myself? Why is this so freaking hard, right?

Speaker 1: 1:55

So if this is you, we need to be talking about the kitty and the throat connection. Okay, because there is an energetic line between your throat chakra and your cervix. So what does that mean? It means that what's going on up here, if it's not great, it's not going to be great down there. So let's talk about the things that interfere, if you like. So the first thing is your throat chakra. Okay, if you're not speaking your truth, if you're holding down, if you're swallowing your words, if you're holding back, if you're holding your guilt and shame. So guilt and shame lives in your throat. It lives in your kitty as well. Okay, because if you look at the throat chakra and you look at like the throat and the thyroid, it looks actually physiologically very similar to the cervix. So what's going on up here reflects down there, as above as below, babe, that's it.

Speaker 1: 2:52

So when we are talking about this, it's really important to understand that our energy is really important. So when we are not speaking our truth, we are. We are neglecting our central desires, we are neglecting all these different things about us. We are also causing problems down below. So the things that might manifest might be that you get constipated or throat.

Speaker 1: 3:10

You find it really, really hard to speak your truth. You often will thaw in all of your decisions because your nervous system is just saying like, hey, I'm chilling out and I'm just gonna stay over here, where it's nice and safe. I'm not gonna express my vulnerability. Obviously, this all comes back to your childhood as well, guys. Right, when we're taught as where it's nice and safe, I'm not going to express my vulnerability. Obviously, this all comes back to your childhood as well, guys, right, when we're taught as children, it's not safe to be vulnerable and we're not safe to express how we feel and use our voice to communicate at once, and even down to like the example of you see Aunt Sally once a year and you're like, fuck Aunt Sally, I don't want to give her a kiss, but you're forced to give her a kiss anyway. This can all be really really tricky, right, because we're taught that our voice, our voice, like, doesn't mean anything. Our voice is just not there. We do not have consent. We can be taught this from a really young, young version of ourselves.

Speaker 1: 3:55

So when we are talking about opening up our voice and speaking about this stuff like it can be something so small, like being forced to kiss a family member when you didn't want to this all shows us that, like vulnerability, speaking our truth, all of this stuff can leave an impact on us. So we need to bear that in mind. And then how this can manifest then in our kitty is that the ph balance is off, reoccurring symptoms, we are having painful periods, endometriosis, pcos, and don't forget, like if it's showing up in the body, it's because it's not being dressed out like a spiritual or emotional level. So now it's taking up a physical ailment, and this might not be yours okay. This could be from your mother, from your grandmother, from years and years of oppression as well. Okay, this is what happens when you get to be the generational curse breaker. You get to get to have all of these fun things, right.

Speaker 1: 4:45

So when we're talking about spirituality and how this links, when we're talking about the throat chakra, we're talking about the throat. When we're talking about where the kitty is, where our womb space is, that's our sacral, it is, and that is your creative and sexual energy. Okay, and it's really important to know that both areas have specific nerve clusters and are the center of vulnerability. Okay, both are gateways and they are both for pleasure and for creation, which is so powerful as women. It is so fucking powerful, but we're never taught really to be in our power about this. Okay, and often we'll.

Speaker 1: 5:24

When I'm working with clients one-to-one, what I will find is that energy stuck in the throat is often on the left hand side, associated with shame and guilt. Okay, and again, that shame and guilt can be yours and people like just do not engage with the word shame. I've posted about shame. I've spoken about shame and people just switch off. I've even spoken to my mentor. She's like, yeah, I don't resonate with the word shame because the word shame comes with such a deep stigma of negativity.

Speaker 1: 5:53

But shame exists for everyone, whether you register it in your conscious mind or subconsciously. Now, with shame, it is one of the most rancid emotions that we can experience, because it really truly holds us stuck in exactly where we are. And until we recognize that as shame, you'll often be stuck where you are. Now I'm not here to name things for you. I'm here to educate and you get to name and decide how you feel and what those emotions are. But I avoided shame like the plague because I was like I don't want to be shamed. I don't want to experience shame because not only does it come with a personal connotation, it comes with a societal one, comes with one as being a woman as well. Right, you cannot be a woman and not experience shame, whether that is because of who you are, because of you know, it's the whole contradictory of being a woman.

Speaker 1: 6:39

Right, shame exists, whether you believe it or not, because if it's existing in your subconscious, how many times have you been told like, oh, if you wear too much, then you're uptight. If you don't wear anything, then you're a, an ass, like a not very nice person, not very nice word. Um, if you sleep with somebody too soon, then you're. You obviously give it away to everybody, but if you don't sleep with somebody, then you're frigid and you're rigid and no, you know, like how can you be experienced like you know? Oh, I want you to be really experienced in the bedroom and for us to have a really good time.

Speaker 1: 7:11

But I don't want you to have slept with other people and like it always gets me when people are like you know what's the number of people that you've slept with? Because there's never a right number for a woman. If she's like two, she's like you're like, oh, you're really inexperienced. If you say 10, you're like, oh, wow, that's a lot of people. There is never a right number and with this it's a game that you never win as a woman just hands down. So whatever you do, you are designed to be shamed as a woman, whether your skin, you're fat, you're thick, you're ugly, you're beautiful, but I think everybody's beautiful but you know, you just can never win as a.

Speaker 1: 7:42

So this is like the societal shame that lives within us and don't forget, we have that from generations before as well. So when we're talking more about where shame lives in the body, we're talking really about the throat and we're talking about the womb space. When I did womb whispers before Christmas, it was massive. It was massive the amount of energy that we shifted just from that experience alone, just tapping into the womb space right and my ears ringing now. So I know I'm onto something good. So when we are talking about, like, emotions stored in the throat, the fear of speaking up, shame around, expressing needs, this directly impacts the vaginal response okay, the kitty response and it can cause tension all the way through the body to the vaginal response. Okay, the kitty response. And it can cause tension all the way through the body to the pelvic floor. Okay, and literally, physical studies show that emotional suppression can impact kitty lubrication through the nervous system.

Speaker 1: 8:36

Because guess what, if you are not feeling safe in your body and you are feeling really vulnerable and don't forget we look our nervous system learned that being vulnerable was not a safe place to be. That's a danger. You are not going to be getting wet. You are not going to be experiencing lubrication. You're not going to be experiencing good times. Okay, you're going to feel really stuck in your body. You're probably going to be in your head as well, wondering when is this going to be over? I don't want to be here. You might find it really hard to get that. Oh, because it. You're just so in your head and you're just worrying about it all the time and like it's just so impossible for you to relax and to receive. Right, because underneath that, we have got this fear of being vulnerable, we have the shame and we have the guilt. This is the tectonic plate which is really messing up intimate relationships for those high achieving women who are like killing it in their work and careers by really struggling in their personal relationships. Right, because all of this means that is become a very strong armor in order for you to protect yourself from this vulnerability, because your nervous system is going no, no, no, that's not safe. Because your nervous system's going no, no, no, that's not safe. Okay, so if there's anything that you take away from this live, it's going to be the next three things where I'm going to talk to you about how the body keeps score of your silence. Authenticity creates physiological safety, and also, your pleasure requires your voice. Basically okay. So when we're talking about the body keeps score.

Speaker 1: 10:02

Now everybody's heard of this, everyone's heard of this book, but it was written for a reason, guys. Okay, it was obviously it's a little bit outdated now, but the concepts still resonate. It keeps the receipts, it keeps the. It keeps the score when we are experiencing. As we go through life, especially as children, as we grow up, we will experience different things that will make us view the world the way that we do. Our subconscious mind is constantly being informed, from the ages of zero to eight. So with this, we are constantly taking in the world. We're understanding what's going on. We're developing our view of the world. Going on, we're developing our view of the world.

Speaker 1: 10:41

So when we are told, shut up, be quiet, your voice doesn't matter. Or you, you're at the dinner table and you just suddenly get this like, oh, I'm really excited, I want to express my view, and then you're told to be shut. You know to be, to be quiet. That doesn't matter right now. You constantly learn okay, well, my ideas don't matter, my feelings don't matter. Maybe I'm vulnerable, can't happen, because that's dangerous, right, you know? This is also the same as if you said to your parent about something that was really bothering you and they went and told extended family members like.

Speaker 1: 11:05

There are so many different examples. I could be here all day giving situational examples, but what I'm going to really highlight to you guys is that when your brain doesn't remember things, it's because it's protecting you. Okay, I do not remember large chunks of my childhood and that is completely normal, because when I think about my childhood, the level of stress and trauma I experience, I don't. I have big gaps in my memory and this is because my brain is going okay, we're going to take this away from her because she has enough to deal with. So they get locked away in a lockbox somewhere. Sometimes those memories come back and sometimes they don't. It depends on where you're going. With a lot of the regression work that I do, we do go back to those memories and we can unearth some some memories, especially if you have questions around did this really happen to me or not? We can definitely do that.

Speaker 1: 11:52

But what is really, really important is that you start to create this protective response in your nervous system and you know when you're thinking about vulnerability, about expressing yourself, expressing your emotions and sexual arousal. This all comes with danger that you're a little amygdala that like little danger center in your brain is going no, no, no, no, we cannot go here. Okay, and obviously this leads to drying up stuff. Okay, this leads to not being able to suppress how to express how you feel. It leads to being in a relationship and having sex for the, for the other person, like where your mind is going oh, I should just do this because it keeps the peace and I don't have to argue rather than your body being like a full body, yes, and be like, yes, I want this, I want this so freaking much, like I want to feel that passion, that desire, that boom, boom, you know that we're just missing and have been missing.

Speaker 1: 12:46

So, with this, your body is keeping the score and every time that you are holding your voice in, you are not communicating how you feel. You might just be fawning and going along with an experience because you feel like you have no other option but to do that. You are betraying your body, you're betraying your nervous system, you're betraying yourself, okay, and this is a really heavy thing. This is, you know, that time where, like, maybe you have a casual intimate experience with somebody and then you leave the next day feeling awful. Or you and your boyfriend have a row and you have like makeup sex, but then you still don't feel like the problem was resolved, but you feel like, because you've done that now, like everything should be fine.

Speaker 1: 13:29

It plays out so many times and the key point here is that the mind is saying yes, but the body is saying no, and this is what happens to my high achieving babes. Right, they're so in their head you're living in your head that it becomes so impossible to get into your body. This is why the quality of your sensuality is very, very low. Like you're reaching for the holy knickers in your drawers you know the knickers that got holes in girls, because I know and I see them and I know that you've got them and you're you know. Instead of like reaching for the nice black lace, you're reaching for the comfort always comfort over desire, because desire feels scary, okay, and this is how it plays out, even in the micro experiences, down to the underwear that you pick. This is something that is ravaging your life and you probably don't even know it. So, yeah, this is the girl talk that you never knew that you needed guys. Like this is the girl talk you never knew you needed.

Speaker 1: 14:20

So the second one I want to talk about is authenticity creates psychological safety. Well, that's a big mouthful. So when you start to speak your truth in safe and controlled environments, you start to teach your nervous system that is safe to be vulnerable, you start to open up, you start to move more out of that um, auto, auto, autonomic, autonomic nervous system into the parasympathetic mode, okay. When you start to really teach yourself that vulnerability is safe, right, but you have to be surrounded by the right people to do that. You have to be around the right environment to do that. Okay, and this, be around the right environment to do that okay. And this is why, like when I do this with my mentors, my mentees, like, we're creating that safe space because intimacy doesn't have to exist between man and woman. Obviously, I only talk about straight relationships. So obviously heterosexual, um, homosexual relationships and other relationships exist outside of that, but I talk about heterosexual relationships because that's my knowledge base. So when we're talking about, like, intimacy doesn't have to just be between men and women, it can be between women and women, between man and man.

Speaker 1: 15:26

Intimacy is something that we used to practice so much when we were in tribes and in communities, all right. But when we are having to put on a face, put on a mask, when we're trying to be this person that has it all together, we're not being authentic, we're not being vulnerable, we're not, we're going to be dry. We're going to be dry AF. Okay, so we need to get into our bodies to really activate that parasympathetic, active you know nervous system. Okay, so this is about you just showing up as who you are, who you are. You're taking off every mask, the real, raw and vulnerable version of you, the person who's like the thoughts are living here, actually come out of here, which is like out of your head and out of your mouth, like you don't have a filter. It just comes out and you're not afraid of the repercussions. Right, and a lot of people do not do this because social media has taught us to be away. Our childhood taught us to be away. But it is your responsibility to change that.

Speaker 1: 16:28

Okay, and even setting like boundaries can help to recalibrate your system. Okay, boundaries are so, so important, sacred boundaries are so, so important. I will be doing something more on this later, like at another time, but boundaries can really start to show you about the people in your life, the level of respect that they have for you, the level of respect you have for them, and also like this is a really good way to start flexing your authenticity right, and it's never too late to go back and reset a boundary. That person that said something to you last week. You talk about them now. You say, hey, I didn't like what happened last week. Or hey, in future can you do this? That is fine. It doesn't need to be a massive confrontation.

Speaker 1: 17:07

But if you're having this barrier of confrontation between you and certain boundaries, there is something deep in your childhood that is saying that it was never safe to say what you wanted. Okay, let alone like yeah. So not safe to say what you needed, but also what you wanted okay, both. Both are really important, both very different. What you need is when you get to a point where you feel like I cannot progress without somebody else's support. When you actually want something, it's because you want it. You don't wait to a point where you are absolutely on your knees begging for help, because that's when you need help. When we want help, we see that coming and we preempt it, and then we ask for the help ahead of time.

Speaker 1: 17:48

This is what happens with boundaries as well. Like, don't ask me to do stuff, don't ask me, I'm not interested. Do you know what I mean? You don't have to be that cutthroat, right? I've been doing this a long time, so I just say as, say as it is, but you get to be as kind and as nice as you want with your boundaries is what I'm trying to say. But, like I said, the more authentic you can be, the more sexual arousal you're gonna get, the more wet you're gonna get, the more enjoyable you're gonna have in your intimacy. Because when you're authentic and you start to accept, like this central version of you, who may have desires and fantasies and wants and whatever you get to communicate that with your partner, you get to feel that power in the bedroom as well as in your, your place of work. Because if you are that high achieving babe who is like doing all of this different stuff, it's amazing, it's absolutely amazing to be able to bring that to the bedroom.

Speaker 1: 18:39

And this is why the third thing I want to talk about is pleasure requires your voice. Your partner is not a mind reader. He is not. He may be good, but he's not a mind reader. So how can he really understand what you want or what you need? And also, pleasure comes and flourishes with direction and feedback. Okay, your partner wants to know what they're doing right, what they're doing wrong. Ask for what you need and what you want. Okay, you know, pleasure is your responsibility at the end of it. Okay, nobody else can advocate for it. Bit like, boundaries is your responsibility. All of this stuff is for you to advocate for. If you don't do it, nobody else is going to do it. And it's so easy to start to request pleasure, like by using your voice. I love it when really good one. You know, men love to have that positive reinforcement as well. Like, and this could be outside of the bedroom. It doesn't have to be pleasure in the bedroom, it can be outside the bedroom. I love it when you do this for me because it makes me feel x. I love it when you buy flowers for me because it makes me feel really special.

Speaker 1: 19:46

Those types of statements are so impactful and powerful in building intimacy in your relationship. Because, let's face it, when we're talking about intimacy, we're talking about a currency. We're talking about, like, you and your partner having a joint bank account of intimacy. If you are not topping up this bank account with money or like with acts of service, or with gifts or with affirmations, your bank of intimacy is going to go bankrupt. That's it. So if you are not working together in order to keep this bank of intimacy going, sex becomes completely impossible. It becomes impossible because you're asking way too much of the other person because if they're not in a place where they're feeling like they're emotionally or like intimacy bankrupt, they're not going to want to give it Okay. So this is why it's really important for you to really connect with your partner and saying stuff like I love it when you do this, because it makes you feel like that can really be empowering to your partner. And you know the intimacy currency.

Speaker 1: 20:45

Other things that you need to consider is about like kisses, cuddles, acts of service, all the love language stuff, and don't forget the love language that you experience and the way that you give love might not be the way that your partner receives love, so it's good to understand their love language. Okay, when you start to build up this bank account of intimacy, this currency, then asking for sex is so easy because you're so already there and this is what keeps the spark alive in your relationship. And if you're watching this now and you're like I'm single or I'm in a relationship where there's just no spark anymore, you need to get back to basics. You need to start building this intimacy currency up in terms of, like, making that connection, because then that's the way that you are going to get spiced up, that's the way that you're going to feel super passionate, that's the way you're going to be. Hey, I want to explore pleasure, I want to explore this, I want to explore that.

Speaker 1: 21:37

And also, like, using words, using your voice during the actual act oh, it is incredible, because you get to affirm your partner, you get to have this deeper connection. I'm somebody who, like I, need to have mental stimulation before anything else. So when my partner is talking to me during, I'm like oh, this is beautiful, like this is incredible, like I know exactly what he's thinking. There's no second guessing, because how many times have you laid there staring at the ceiling thinking, oh, what's he thinking? Does he like the way that I look? Do I look weird from this angle? Blah, blah, blah, because some people just really get in their head right. So, yes, when you are using your voice, exploring pleasure and verbally saying it. It is creating that physical sensation through your body and reinforcing positive loops in your brain.

Speaker 1: 22:26

So that was a bit of a guided channeled some notes thing, which I'm really, really happy with. To be honest, it's a bit all over the shop, but we got there in the end. But there's just so much to talk about on this topic, because your throat and your kitty have so much in common that you don't even realize, and it's absolutely mind-blowing to me that women just don't know. So if this has really caught you in a chokehold, if you're like, oh my god, I'm either really annoyed by what she said, or I feel really called out, or I feel whatever, I want you to comment juicy, and then you get added to my waitlist for my brand new program that's coming out.

Speaker 1: 23:04

I'm not going to tell you too much about it, just that if you have liked this live, if you've liked this podcast, you absolutely need to put your name on the wait list. It's going to be an absolute incredible experience and yeah, I'm not going to say anything else because I'm just going to give it away. But yeah, that's it, guys. Comment juicy below, and if you have any questions about this, then just come and hit me up because I'm always good to talk about this. Then just come and hit me up because I'm always good to talk about this type of stuff. So yeah, wishing you lots of wetness and I'll see you very soon.